Context:
I come from a decently judgmental family. They have an eye for criticizing and critiquing things they don’t personally like. My family is amazing, this is probably the only problematic thing about them.
Anyways, I grew up like this. So I thought it was normal behavior. I was slightly bullied as a kid in school. So I grew very sensitive to any judgement, and it definitely messed me up a bit.
As I grew up I realized, I did not like others judging me. And so I should not do that to others, especially those I care about.
I thought I was getting better about it. But when I left my last long term relationship, one of their qualms with me was that I was judgmental.
It seems that when I, really do not like/ am not interested in something, it shows. For ex, at the time my partner was talking about drag shows and how she’s really into them. I am very much not into drag shows at all, and will never be. It’s just not my thing. I think she was trying to convince me to like them or wanted me to verify that they were cool Bc she liked them. I’m not sure. And I was just kind of neutral with my responses. Like “that cool”, “nice!”, “sounds fun”. Etc etc. but I assume my energy wasn’t really there. She once called me dismissive if that helps.
At the end of our relationship it definitely made me sad knowing she felt judged by me. Especially when I thought I had improved on being judgy.
Does anyone have any tips on how to be more open to things one really doesn’t like/ isn’t into? Or even disagrees with? I don’t want anyone I love to feel judged by me again. I thought I was making progress But apparently not enough.
Thanks
1 comment
Being judgmental about things you don’t like & things you disagree with are 2 different modes? If you are racist, sexist or homophobic, I am going to judge the shit out of you (I disagree with those ways of operating in the world) and I don’t care what you think. Drag shows aren’t a moral issue; they are just entertainment. “What do you like about them so much?” “Tell me what you like about them!” “I Have to say I’ve never really enjoyed drag shows but I’m open to changing my mind!” It’s always important to be able to change your mind and not say “I will never like x.” When I met my partner, he loved musicals and I hated them (I was being a snob tbh). I was open to his enthusiasm and went to a bunch of shows & discovered that I love the art form. He has done the same with me with burlesque — he was open to experiencing it with me and seeing it through my eyes and my knowledge. You sound perhaps a little closed to experience in general, which is what judgment is all about? Open your mind a bit about non-harmful things that other people enjoy? Judgment, in the end, is snobbery, and snobbery is fear.