This is the place to share your shower thoughts on dating. Get as meta as you want here, within the rules.

26 comments

  1. Sometimes it’s a yellow/orange flag for me when someone describes themselves or their ideal partner as ambitious. I assume it means they’re motivated by money and status, rather than a desire to achieve things of value per se.

  2. I’ve postponed the idea of dating for the foreseeable future. Just too much logistics stuff to work out that may take a while. :/ Fortunately, I can live vicariously through you all in the meantime!

  4. I’ll be celebrating the first Valentine’s with my current boyfriend and we will be going on an overnight trip. His idea and treat. This will be our first holiday together. I’m pretty excited.

  5. One one my Exes I still occasionally talk to sent me a pic of her Hinge, specifically calling out a guy for a shitty opener.

    She had 50 likes in her Queue. 50.

    I have a date today which helped curb some of the negative thoughts that rose from that, but I did spiral into some toxic thinking about the disparity of options for a bit.

    It would take me weeks to get 50 likes in any dating app. Maybe even all of them combined. Not that quantity equals quality, or whatever…but having options certainly helps.

    Pfft. Welp. Whadduya gunna do? Thats just how it goes.

    Edit:

    Don’t have the time today to answer everyone but I just wanted to say thanks for listening to my rant, and especially thanks to those who left words of encouragement or offered perspective.

    It wasnt my intention to gripe about like ratios between men and women – it had way more to do with my ex than anything else.

    I had a moment of vulnerability that I needed to process.

    In the end I know we are all in the same struggle of finding someone compatible who genuinely values us and more importantly wants to be with us. No quantity of likes changes that.

    Frankly, after a rough work day I have to admit one of my favourite things about having someone special was being able to connect with someone who cared about my day to day struggle.

    Its nice to have a community of those in the same place as I am, who are empathetic enough to take time to respond to my little issues.

    Thank you all very much!

  6. I bit the bullet and asked the guy I went on a second date with out on a third date. I know I should have waited for him to ask but I was like I GOTTA KNOW. I think the asking went well, but in all honesty, it would have felt more exciting if he asked me. So lesson learned. Sometimes it’s more exciting to wait.

    He did say yes and we’re going out again on Saturday!

  7. I’m fed up of always being the one to initiate the conversation after the first couple of times

  8. Completely burned out on OLD and dating in general. Whenever I think of remaking a profile (time to try hinge since bumble and tinder haven’t worked?) but feel completely hopeless. Thinking a lot about how I weed out:
    – casual interested people
    – people who want to have sex by date 3
    – pushy guys aka guys who won’t take no for an answer or lay a guilt trip for saying no

    Sigh.

  9. Tinder Swindler on Netflix got me thinking damn.

    “What people will do for love…and money…”

    When you are happy, you are happy. Your life is better and it is short so enjoy every moment is what I am thinking when people get wrapped in misery. I know because I have been there and the world doesn’t stop for you or people who suffer worse like kids in war zones. It is sad. Each day is a blessing to be alive and without pain, torture, etc.

    There are lot of toxic and miserable people (like coworkers) who want my time and attention. It doesn’t even have to be dates but I have grown up and just block their asses. It makes me feel like control coming back to make each day a blessing and wonderful memories. My dog is so old that his dog days are numbered. Life is short, being happy is the most important part. You will attract good and bad people and it is up to you from your experience on what can impact your happiness and peace.

  10. When you meet someone and they are kind of interrogatory, and you’re doing your best to answer questions while not getting flustered or looking like you’re guilty of something and they interrupt with, “it’s okay, I get it!” I’m like, Nah, you asked and you’re *getting* the answer

  12. thank you for your advice! Exactly. Dating seems like a chore and I never want to go. Guess I’ll just wait until someone actually makes me excited to meet them again.

  14. I am new to dating. Had a pretty decent first date a few weeks ago but our conversation through text after that date has been on a few days the off (but conversation so far has been pleasant). We have the second date scheduled for Friday but he has been MIA since we last talked last Friday. Usually I am used to guys checking in every day so this is new for me. I kind of understand not texting back to some degrees because we are all adults juggling life. There are days I don’t feel like talking to anyone myself but I find this a bit odd.

    Would it be weird to check in with him mid week to see if he’s still down? His last message kinda said he has the dinner on the calendar. I feel dumb having to reiterate.

    I’m kind of confused 😐

  15. Someone I liked told me this past weekend he booked a ticket from Mexico to Canada to see a girl he’s been chatting with for a few weeks. Told me he never felt intense chemistry like this before. So he decided to rent out a condo and she will be moving in with him for A MONTH. On top of that, he only signed his divorce papers five months ago and when we met, he was still emotionally unavailable (as a newly separated man should).

    It was definitely one way for me to quickly get over him (since he expressed to me before he was not interested in dating me and we decided to keep it friendly, texting every once in awhile). But damn. So either this is one of those rare happily ever after stories, or it will end not too well…

  16. Give a chance to men/women who are just ‘average’ in their visual attractiveness. Physiological attraction is comprised of SO MUCH more than just visual attraction. One of those ‘average ‘ people could become the MOST attractive person you’ve ever met should they taste, smell, feel like ‘the right one’ – i.e. strong chemistry.

    I am in the middle of a whirlwind romance (hopefully a rare happily ever after romance!) with the most amazing man I’ve EVER met for just this reason. He’s quickly become the absolute most sexy man to me because his pheromones are like catnip to me!

  17. The thing that stresses me out about OLD more than anything is how rushed things can feel/get. In the ancient times of line 2007-2013, I was almost always acquainted with a woman before going on a date and attaching any kind of romantic expectations to the situation. And if I was hooking up with anyone, it was someone I already knew.

    With OLD, it seem that people want to follow a “normal” relationship or hookup progression while cutting out the groundwork that came with already being acquainted with each other. And then get weird or anxious about things not happening when they “should”. How many people do see posting about a guy who hasn’t kissed them by the 3rd date or slept with them by the 5th? Yeah well in my pre-online dating days I would sleep with a woman within the first few dates because I already knew them and felt comfortable around them. I was liable to get performance anxiety if I didn’t. And most of the time I was more worried about pushing for something too soon rather than too late.

    And with online dating? We’ll be making out on a second date and she starts taking her clothes off. When I was new to it, I would’ve gone for it and walked away wondering why I wasn’t comfortable like I was before, or even worse, gotten too anxious to get it up. Nowadays I will be blunt about not being comfortable having sex yet, with mixed receptions. Not all bad, but many are put off by it.

  18. Took a break from dating for a bit over the holidays and now I’m trying to get back out there. A part of me feels excited about meeting new people and another part of me feels preemptively exhausted lol. Im using dating apps but I’m hoping to meet more people IRL. I do a lot of outdoor stuff and am generally not an idle person but I do spend most of my time with other women (and often their partners) so I don’t tend to meet a lot of men naturally. Signing up for a climbing gym soon here so hopefully that’ll give me more opportunities for meeting people.

    One thing I’m a bit bitter about was I saw on social media that this I guy I recently dated for a month who ended our relationship at the first sign of conflict already is dating someone else and I just feel bad that it doesn’t feel as easy for me.

  19. How do you feel about profiles that say, “looking for a guy/girl who loves their job?” Why does that matter? Is this something you look for? Maybe this is just a DC thing.

  21. I’ve been on two dates with a guy and the second date made me quite certain I’m into him. He’s gone away with family on holiday for a week and has updated his location to that local area (he has no ties there, just a random holiday destination. It’s bugged me – mainly cos I wouldn’t be doing that. Should I talk to him? Discuss the subject or hold out until he decides himself to stop using the apps?

  22. Having sex on first date really makes a guy think that you are good only for that?
    Been out with a guy (OLD) that seems super sweet, we had sex on first date, now he reaches out only once a week for the same reason. If I would have acted differently and not had sex the first night he would have thought differently of me?
    I’m ok with having sex at the first date if both are on board with it, but sometimes I feel that this is still an issue and that women are judged because of that.
    Opinions?

  23. Why do people write such long posts? Brevity is the soul of . . . people actually reading your post.

  24. Why does every other profile on OLD feature facetuned / heavily filtered pics?!!? Show me what you look like hun, I can’t tell when your face is all washed out and covered in butterflies and fake freckles! Queer woman seeking other queers if it matters. Edited to add: but seriously what is the reasoning behind this? Don’t people realize it’s obvious?

  25. This might be the Valentine’s day depression speaking, but I want to go on a date. I haven’t dated in a decade and I don’t know where to start. I’m not into OLD and will never sign up for it. I was hurt 10 yrs ago and I can’t seem to move on, I don’t hurt anymore, just don’t trust either and before anyone throws the therapy card out, I’ve been to two.

  26. I’m learning through trial and error that my first instinct is usually correct!

    I was chatting with a guy on Hinge and for whatever reason i unmatched him. Can’t remember why, I just know it wasn’t a major thing.

    At coffee with a friend and she says she went out with someone who she thinks would actually be a better match for me, plus she’s more into girls anyway. It turns out to be Hinge guy. I let her give him my number.

    He calls me and we chat. We address the elephant in the room–how I unmatched him and can’t really remember why. He says it was right after he told me was casually looking for a relationship which i probably read as “looking for casual.” He explained that he does want something serious but isn’t pursuing it hard-core. I’m kinda in the same boat so I agree to go out with him.

    Hinge guy and I go out and have a good time. He asks me out again and we set a day and general time of day (brunch) and he says he wants to plan the rest but it takes some nudging from me me to get him to tell me what we’re doing. He texts slowly fade off to less and less that week.

    By the morning of date #2, which was this Sunday, I still don’t have an exact place and time so I make plans to get my nails done. I’m annnoyed. He calls me late morning to see if I’m still free for brunch and he even remembers I had an appt at 1. I tell him I don’t have time to get out to where he is, brunch, and get to my appt on time but it so happens my plans after were canceled so I can meet for an early happy hour after my appt.

    Happy hour is decent. We decide to go back to his place to “watch a movie.”. We start making out and he really wants to take it further quite quickly. In hindsight he was gently pushing for sex. I also wanted sex too but mostly was holding off bc of my period. We end up having sex and his demeanor afterward is more lukewarm.

    I haven’t heard much from him, short replies to mine. I told him I was free tonight but he isn’t and he hasn’t followed up.

    I’m not heart broken. The sex was pretty hot. Not the best but I think it could have the potential to be pretty amazing. But I don’t think I want a FWB and I think that’s definitely what he’s after, at least with me.

    My main takeaway is that I think I had it figured out when he said “casually looking for a relationship.” I don’t necessarily regret giving him a whirl, just reminding myself that I should listen to myself the first time!

    I’m not sure if I even want to go out with him again. At this point I’m more curious to see if he’s even going reach out again now that he appears to have gotten what he wanted.

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