My boyfriend (30M) said it was impossible for him to settle down before me because he felt women only wanted his money. He said things were different with me because I “work in nonprofit” so I would “never see money anyway” 😂

49 comments

  3. How would anyone know unless he told them, or showed them by buying a bunch of flashy stuff?

    Even if he bought mid-range stuff, like a BMW, I wouldn’t think he was wealthy, he might just have a decent job and a lot of debt… still living pay-check to pay-check. If someone had a LaFerrari, OK, they’re probably wealthy.

    The richest people I know look damn near homeless, or live fairly modest looking lives and no one would know they are sitting on millions.

  6. A guy I met years ago was living the life of an MBA student with a couple of roommates. But, known only to a few friends, he was on a full ride from his employer, one of the big 3 oil companies and slated for upper management.

    He was terrified of not finding his person before he graduated. As he put it, once he left school, he was going to deep dive in his career and it would be 10 years before he could really start actively dating again. And at that point, he’d be meat for every gold digger in Texas, with no way of ever knowing if a woman cared for him as a person or a payday.

    Fortunately, one of his roommates, the friend who introduced us was as sweet as maple syrup and as hot as the summer sun. They have been a joyful couple for many decades now.

  7. I’m not wealthy by any means, but because of my profession, people THINK I am, so I had to get pretty good at spotting it. It’s usually pretty transparent. You can almost see the ($) ($) look in their eyes. Even if they can hide it, they can’t usually hide it long. It pops up before long.

    I was on dating apps years ago (long before Tinder etc). I’d get NO response for weeks/months, then add my profession to my profile and all of a sudden I’d get responses. No thank you. *delete profile*

    Thankfully, my girlfriend has never once given me any indication that that’s what motivates her. Quite the contrary actually- she seems to love me DESPITE my job.

  8. Honestly, I’m more concerned about the things I own in a divorce cause I don’t go around flashing my wealth so women don’t date me for my money.

  10. I think it’s pathetic to be in a relationship where you aren’t sexually attracted to your partner.

  11. I asked my husband this question and he said ‘I wouldn’t avoid a woman who liked my money. Especially if she has qualities that I value. My ability to provide is a strength and it’s tied into my ambition. I see it as her being attracted to a characteristic I have’

    I found his answer interesting. We’ve been together since highschool when he had nothing, so I guess he didn’t have to wonder with me

  12. There’s always that possibility, you don’t even need to be “wealthy”, because wealth is relative. Even a middle class US lifestyle is aspirational to many people. However, the solution to this is very simple: date for a long period of time. 2+ years dating, 1+ year engaged, 1+ year before further entangling with kids. Keep your wits about you, and listen to trusted friends’ assessments. That will filter out 99.9% of gold diggers. But, you know, really wealthy people don’t really care too much either way, they can afford to divorce and keep going like nothing happened, and have lots of lawyers and accountants to minimize losses.

  13. I won’t say I’m rich but resourceful enough to earn 6 figures and own my crib and a car. Also I don’t wear fancy, just casual stuff so it doesn’t give those rich vibes but what I noticed is most women seem to be more interested with me after knowing that I earn 6 figures or when I bring them out on date because I like to eat good stuff.

    Personally I don’t mind dating a woman that’s after my money because it is what it is but honestly I don’t take them seriously, as in I’ll never think of being in an official relationship with them let alone thinking about marriage.

    The only way I filter out the ones that’s genuinely there for me alone is when they make suggestions for cheaper options, understands the value of money and reciprocates it with their means of adding value such as lovely act of service and such. My current gf of 2 years checked all those boxes for me, she got me to cancel my maid service, instead moved in and does wifey stuff without me asking for any of it. Having her doing this all by her own moved me in so many ways which made me think she’ll be a great mother for my kids and obviously I pamper her with gifts, vacations and etc which she feels guilty receiving. Such a sweet lady.

  14. Meh… plenty of people date solely base don looks.

    There’s nothing wrong with valuing financial stability.

  15. If you just go with escorts you know exactly why they are out with you. No guess work needed.

  16. >My boyfriend (30M) said it was impossible for him to settle down before me because he felt women only wanted his money. He said things were different with me because I “work in nonprofit” so I would “never see money anyway” 😂

    Profound observation. I don’t know you personally, but if you’re a low maintenaince kind of women as well(doesn’t require expensive clothing/food/car ther luxuries), then you’re probably a right fit for him!

  17. Depends on how much money she has. If she earns enough to pay her own bills it’s not a concern.

    Full time at a minimum wage job is enough for that where I live.

  18. Sounds like he thinks of you as #notliketheothergirls, which seems flattering at first, but just be careful with it. Can come with expectations to be ‘better’ than other girls at all times, which is code for ‘less demanding’.

  19. Easiest way is to hangout with other rich people. Therefore you have an automatic filter for wealth, and don’t have to worry as much about her getting to you for money.

    Another longer but more effective way is to actually try and date the girl. If she is willing to spend her money on you, then it’s a big giveaway that she doesn’t care about your money. Remember, girls who want your money want to GAIN money, not LOSE it. For example, when going out does she also pay? During holidays/your birthday, does she give you gifts that are not super cheap? Is she willing to treat you once in a while? Or is she just there waiting for you to pay for everything?

  20. Not concerned, money remain mine and I can always quit the relation. That could be after One day, four months or twenty years, I protect my things by eventual idiot laws in various methods I’m not gonna tell but, having a good backup, I’m not concerned.

  21. Not at all. Money is a reasonable trait just like attractiveness and intelligence. Research has shown that women actually value income the most when choosing a man to date, and lack thereof is the second most common reason why women initiate divorce. I don’t know why guys worry that women like that they are well off. That is a very good thing.

  22. When I was very poor I had girls still take advantage of the little I had and gave nothing back. Now that I earn fairly well I am even more scared. If I’ll ever be rich I’ll be terrified but I probably won’t care.

  23. Its one of the reasons Ive lost interest on dating, once I got a very good paying job women who passed on me when we were in our twenties started talking me up as soon as they found out I was making bank. Its made me seriously question if every new woman I meet is a gold digger.

  24. You can usually tell the difference from the ones genuinely interested in a human connection and those who just want their boyfriend to be an expense account.

  25. I work oversea so I am relatively wealthy compared to the locals.

    I’m not concerned about it because I understand it’s not my only good qualities.

  26. It is something that I keep in the back of my head and probably do a lot of unconcious screening for. I also dress like a normal person my age for the social groups I inhabit. I drive quite an expensive car but I mostly Uber around in the early dating process. I live in a nice, three bedroom house in an affluent area but it is well beneath my means and doesn’t scream “I’m loaded.”

    I’ve dated quite a bit and there has only been one woman who gave me an off feeling about this. She was very attractive but I didn’t feel like we had a very deep conection. We went on a few dates and had a good time together, but as she got a better sense for where I was at with certain things, I noticed her interest ramp up in a way that felt a little artificial and forced.

    It started to play on my mind after a few weeks. There was a mismatch between how our connection felt, and her enthusiasm for what was going on. Like I said, the connection didn’t feel that strong, but the way she was communicating was as if she had found her soul mate, and it just felt sketchy to me. Like, we didn’t really match on sense of humour which is critical for intimacy in my experience, and we also weren’t really intellectually compatible, so I found it hard to believe that she was actually as into it as she was coming accross. I ended it after a while, not because I thought she was a gold digger, but just because my interest faded.

    I have enough relationship experience to know what it feels like when someone is genuinelly into you, so I just follow my instincts on this. I also keep my cards pretty close to my chest on financial matters, just because it’s how I am, which makes me less of a target for women who are that way inclined.

  27. Gold diggers have destroyed image of woman and fuckbois for men.
    The common men/women suffer

  28. I’m not. I don’t make the rules of the game, I just play by them. If that’s what makes me initially attractive, then so be it. She wants my wealth and access to lifestyle, I want ready and regular access to sex. There’s a bargain that can be struck, there.

  29. I’m not wealthy but since I keep my personal and work life complete separate as well as me not trying to be flashy, it often never comes up. I don’t even discuss my finances until we live together. By that time I feel any suspicion of gold digging would’ve been brought to light.

  30. I make good money for someone my age, a few guaranteed pay bumps, and I don’t hide my profession. I still can’t get a date so I’m not really worried about it 😂

  31. If there are any wealthy men not concerned, they should be. Women use us by any means. We only get real love and desire if we’re chad.

  34. Is this such a problem? I could care less what a woman’s income is but understand that it may be important to them even if they deny it.

    You choose the woman because she is good looking to you, kind, interesting to talk with and good in bed. She chooses you for other reasons, provider being one of them.

    Stop trying to play the made up equality game and enjoy their company.

  35. I date women who already have money.

    The “gold digger” thing is 99% a Hollywood trope.

    People with money don’t have much in common with people who are working class or middle class. Sorry if that sounds “snooty”.

    You’re naturally attracted to people in your own social class.

  36. I was thinking about it, and came to conclusion that those who are really concerned about that, would never reveal their status until the later stage of dating, and pretend to be very poor instead, only earning enough for food. This is the only way to ensure that people who chose to be with you value you as a person, and not as walking wallet. I would toally do that if i was rich.

    Those who don’t do this just do not care if they are being used for money.

  37. It’s a great concern. I’ve had women in the recent past who felt entitled to my resources. Usually it is not so bad at the beginning, but after they think they got you hooked, the entitlement comes out in spades.

    I even had one girl bring a “friend” to my house because she thought it was time WE considered moving in and it was time for our next step and her friend was an interior designer who would help redesign MY house to best suit OUR needs as a couple. Relationship was barely 3 months old.

    The sense of entitlement has just become insane . If I meet someone, and the first few minutes it feels more like a job interview than a date, then I am out of there.

  38. Depends on the age group. I’m early twenties, so golddiggers are a different breed around that age. I can’t trust someone to put a condom on for me.

  39. As somebody who’s more well off than the people around me, I will still never pay for the date out of this fear.

  40. Not very concerned. They’re not even approaching me and conversation seems to stop once they hear “work 12 hour days six days a week.”

  42. Not too worried about it. People like that are easy to spot and I’m not desperate to ignore the signs

  45. When I dated, I looked for similar level professions. Goes both ways. I would not date a hobo or deadbeat jobwise.

  46. im not rich or something like that, but i wouldnt care. i only want to have casual relationships and fwb. i dont care about marriage/settle down. so i dont care if she likes me or my money. i get my fun and i move on. there is nothing i can loose from casual dating.

  47. I find dating hard (I’m bi so have double the trouble) because people know I’m from money. I’ve had dates want me go shopping with them and then expect me pick up the bill, cos £2k is much to you is it. I hate it and now am pretty recluse in that way.

  48. Not wealthy , 27M, have been making between $6k-$10k a month since 25. Where I am “wealthy” is in my lack of obligations.. no child support, no alimony, rent split with a roommate.

    And I’m very concerned about it. Your first time encountering a female whose out for your money is always fun. I still remember it. It was right as covid bans lifted and I met a girl who was happy I could take her to any restaraunt/bar she wanted to go to.

    But 2 weeks later and she’s asking me to pay for Uber eats for her while shes home alone. Asking if i can hook her up with free weed. Everything. After countless “no” responses, and continued “but what about this?..” “bye me this and I’ll wear it for you” “can you pay for my dinner tonight”? , I had to tell her to kick rocks.

    These days, I don’t start conversations with many women, but even still at least once per month i run into a casual hookup or situation where a girl ends up asking me to cover a bill or something uncorrelated to our relationship.

    It leads to countless scenarios where I have to block numbers and consider totally viable sexual partners as being nothing but a waste of time.

  49. OP… I won’t risk your privacy but if I’m right… tell your boyfriend I’m glad the finger healed up and we’re glad he’s back 😁

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