He can get stuck on ideas and things with sentimental value, even something as small as literal spilled milk. He grieves for years over broken figurines (that have been replaced) or a knife sharpener the dog chewed. But I told him it was a bad idea to put them outside with the squirrels. I’ve told him for months—as early as when we it then last year. The plants were worth about $130 and I’m not sure how much will survive now because they are hibernating.
He’s upset because I’ve been feeding the squirrels so I can get really good pics of them. He told me to do whatever I wanted today because I’ve been feeling bad and I wanted to get good squirrel pics because I bought them a little chair.
I’m disappointed too, but they are replaceable. If he cared so much, I don’t understand why he ignored my clear suggestion.
He actually posted about it on Instagram—something he only does a couple of times a year. He hasn’t posted anywhere about our increasingly less recent miscarriage 10 months ago that I’m struggling with. Hasn’t told his family or coworkers. So it feels like this is a bigger deal to him than losing our child. Of course, I didn’t say any of that to him.
He said he was too overwhelmed and has to go for a walk.
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After both of you have some space, I would explain your feelings. It’s possible that he might not want to post about the miscarriage if it was a sensitive topic for you (Idk you could have already had that conversation).
Maybe he is projecting the feelings of the miscarriage on the plants.
I think the most important thing is to set some time aside and let both of y’all have the space to explain your feelings without interruption. Therapy is also always a good option. Individual and couples
This sounds like some kind of misplaced grief trauma response.
If he doesn’t want to be this way, he should get therapy to try to figure out what he repressed that makes these minor loses seem so serious and important.
That’s just my best guess.
I know grief builds if you don’t deal with it, so maybe he suppressed something as a kid and it gets worse with every little thing in life now? And maybe because a knife sharpener sends him off the deep end, he can’t even begin to process the miscarriage?
Jsyk it’s not your fault and you deserve to lure those squirrels to that chair, sounds adorable.
i’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, OP. it sounds like you both are suffering greatly, but maybe just in different ways or expressions. when one of you shares a hurt or struggle, what is the usual response?
>He hasn’t posted anywhere about our increasingly less recent miscarriage 10 months ago that I’m struggling with. Hasn’t told his family or coworkers. So it feels like this is a bigger deal to him than losing our child. Of course, I didn’t say any of that to him.
Sometimes grief manifests in strange ways.
You’re both grieving in different ways. Talk to him.