God I wish I didn’t. I took this seasonal job two weeks ago and it’s going great so far. Co-workers are open and my social skills seems to shine rather well here. So long story short, co-worker showed a bit of interest in me. Nothing that grew on me. I went to the bar and she was there too, pretty exited to see me as well..wanted to play pool with me and shit. We were feasting a guy who just got his college degree. Thing is, 15min walking into that bar my brain fucking shutdown. I was pulling up a straight face the whole time, Moai kinda face ya know. Couldn’t even make sense of my thoughts, and every attempt from others to talk to me were met with nonsensical gibberish. It took her an hour before giving up on me, took me 3 to leave the place. It was almost a dissociative state cause I didn’t really felt shame for the stupid shit I said to people, not that I should be. I hate this very much, I missed an opportunity to connect with someone, grow as a human being.
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“This is a bit much for me right now, but we could hang out somewhere quieter if you’d like.”
Sometimes just being there for someone is good, even if it’s just watching the night sky or something inane on TV together. Consider what the other person might need in that moment and it can help you get out of your own head.
I went to a party once and due to my lack of social skills, I ended up sitting on the corner floor crying šš¢š„. I looked dumb, and was sent home, cuz Social Anxiety is NO joke.
I don’t party unless it’s a small group with my homies or family. But still it hurts after 6yrs later.