Hi, I (25F) have been happily with my bf (31) for 7 years. Most of the years in our relationship we were both students and broke and used to share the cost of everything, even for a coffee. I didn’t mind as I never expected for the guy to pay for everything. Even for gifts when he wanted to buy me something expensive ex. an Apple Watch I always gave him back a part of the money because I felt bad for him as we both didn’t work.
Fast forward to today he’s a doctor and makes more than double my salary, he’s very good with his money and for the short time he works has saved a very respectful amount.
We don’t live together but still share the cost of everything we do together, gas, food etc, even though my salary is significantly less I like to help. This year on my birthday he gave me a budget of 150€ to spend on a clothing site (that’s the biggest amount he ever spent for a gift these 7 years). The total of the clothes I chose came to 200€ and he asked me for the 50€ back, which of course I gladly gave as it was over his budget.
For the past year I’ve been obsessed with the Cartier love ring (1200€) and jokingly but not really taunt him to get it for me. I really want this ring and I know he can afford it but I know he wants to buy a new car and I fee horrible in the thought of him spending that amount of money on me as I’m not used to it. I can’t help but wonder if it’s wrong of me asking for something that costly. We have lived so many years being broke and counting every euro that now I don’t know how to cope with the guilt of receiving something expensive.
TL;DR Is it wrong asking for an expensive gift? Have you ever received something expensive with no guilt?
5 comments
Why do you think he would be willing to spend 1200 on a ring when he gave you a 150 budget and even asked for the extra 50 back when you went over? If he’s not comfortable spending more than 150, why on earth would he spend 1200?
Wow is he cheap. That’s mental. And to be splitting things even as students…
Very miserly. Asks for money back, what the.
girl, do not accept such stingy and miserable behavior. my man isn’t done with law school or anything yet but spoils me. he pretty much pays for every meal we eat, takes me on dates, surprises me with random things, picks me up snacks i like before coming home, wakes me up with starbucks..i can’t really remember the last time i’ve paid for anything (he mostly doesn’t let me). when he asked me to be his gf, he got me a cartier love ring with diamonds in it. it doesn’t matter how much money a man has if he’s stingy and unwilling to spend it on you.
To me, it’s not so much about the gift as the behavior.
I don’t understand why you’re splitting things (I presume equally) when you don’t make equal amounts of money.
I also don’t understand why he gave you a blank check, basically, as a birthday gift for online shopping. Unless that’s what you specifically asked for, I would feel … like he didn’t really care all that much.
I’ll also say: you’re concerned about guilt re: receiving the gift, but nothing you’ve written indicates he’ll buy it for you.
Do you know he will? If so, accept it and be grateful. If you’re not sure (and taunting is not a useful form of communication), you should really talk to him about it and see what he is comfortable doing.
It’s cool to ask once. Just don’t ask again and don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t give it to you. I think it’s really cool that you seem to appreciate it. That’s important. I gave my ex hundreds of expensive gifts and she would never even say ‘Thank you’. So, appreciation is awesome.