Hey everyone, I hope this type of post is okay. This isn’t strictly my relationship, but I am growing increasingly concerned about my friend.
My friend “Annie” was dating a guy “Blake” for a year or so. Blake was semi-famous online across a few platforms (relevant later). Annie lives in my hometown, but Blake lived in NYC and they did long-distance for most of their relationship. They broke up about a month ago.
I love Annie, but she has a history of getting obsessed with her boyfriends rather quickly. It has caused a lot of drama in our social circles. She has slept with mutual friends and immediately wanted a relationship, then stalked them and their new gfs when it didn’t happen. She has a penchant for labeling a lot of guys as abusers, when in reality all they did was hook up and not want more.
With Blake, she kept telling me how she was upset he hadn’t asked her to move in yet (this was around 3 months into their relationship). I told her to take it slow and to maybe keep things low key until they were more established. Instead, she made social media posts about looking for an apt in NYC (his burrough specifically). She never followed through with the move because rent is substantially greater in New York than our town and she’s kind of just a freelance worker who doesn’t get paid much. This caused a resentment on her part, because she felt like she was missing out on a lot of parties and events that he was going to with his other famous friends. When they were dating, Annie was exposed to a lot of other influencer-types and was kind of basking in the glow of being associated with a lot of ig-famous people. She became very invested in her appearance, constantly tagged them in her photos, and was constantly name-dropping. I think this may have been a turn off for Blake, who just viewed these people as his normal friends and caused him to start to push away.
Towards the end of the relationship, she was being extremely clingy and would obsessively watch his stories or overtext/call him. I tried to gently help her prepare for the worst as she was already feeling him become distant. She became paranoid about every girl commenting on his photos and she would read a subreddit run by his fans, constantly looking for mentions of herself or him with other girls. When they broke up, it was pretty quiet. He deleted photos/posts about them and she did the same. I thought that would be it.
A couple of weeks ago she called me sobbing saying he had unfollowed her and in a fit of rage she unfollowed him and most of his friends. She kept stalking his profiles however and the subreddit, looking to see what he was up to. I told her to take a social media break and give herself some time away from him to process the break up. She didn’t. When a post about their break up was made, she flipped out. People noticed they no longer posted each other or followed each other. She immediately followed him back and posted a long video series on her IG story about dealing with her depression. Since then, she has called me several times crying because he hasn’t followed her back.
Blake started to date another girl who is from their social circle and also an influencer. As soon as the photos of them were posted online, Annie began to obsessively stalk his new gf. Other friends have reached out to me concerned because she has been sending them screenshots of the photos and saying things like “shes so f\*\*\*ing ugly” “i cant believe this is what he moved on to” and just being cruel. She rewatches a video they made together constantly and says “Well at least she will have to see this. Hes not going to take it down with all these views.” A friend told me they think Annie has been making fake accounts to comment on the fan-sub and deny that they broke up or post things like “we should respect their privacy” so people won’t discuss his new relationship. She had no problem when the attention was on her though.
I am really worried about everyone involved. A few friends have suggested we try to have a sit-down with her and try to help her see why all of this isn’t healthy and how none of this behavior will make him get back together with her. I am honestly afraid she’s going to be turned into a meme or something if one of his friends figures out its her stalking and making posts. She will have a mental breakdown if that happens. Other friends want to reach out to Blake and tell him whats going on so he can protect himself and his new gf.
I want to talk to Annie but in her fragile state I am afraid. I don’t know what to say to her or how I can help her to understand that if she continues this behavior, it will only end badly.
Looking for advice on what to do, if anything. I’ve never had a friend intervention before and just don’t even know where to start.
TLDR: My good friend is not accepting her ex of 1 yr moved on. Her ex has a significant online following and she is still stalking all his social media, only hurting herself and obsessing further when she sees pics of him and his new gf. A few friends have suggested an intervention/sit-down to help Annie “see the light”. I am worried for her and not sure how to approach the subject. Please help!
2 comments
That’s a tough one. Since she cares about her social media presence perhaps you should tell her that as her friend you have been catching wind of people talking about her breakup and her fixation with her ex and his new gf. That if she cuts this out now she can walk away with her reputation still intact but if she continues with this there’s a real risk of her being made into a meme and ridiculed publicly and that as her friend you really don’t want to see her out through that.
She needs therapy asap, but it might be that she doesn’t think so, which means she won’t look for it. If you are close enough to be the friend who points her the truth, you can tell her that you think the way she deals with relationships is very unhealthy, that other people are stating to notice her unhinged behavior about it and that she needs therapy.