I don’t know how else to put it tbh. I’ve had depression for the last two and a half years and in the middle of it, I was doing well. I got good grades, I was happy but even then, there would be times when I’d make myself believe that people don’t like me. Like if a friend has been distant for her own reasons cause she has personal shit going, I’d freak out thinking maybe I did something wrong or she’s mad at me even though I knew I didn’t do anything. I’ve been pretty stressed the last four months and slipping into severe depression and I’ve started repeating the same pattern again. Thinking no one likes me. No one would care if I die. Thinking if I do die, how it would all just end. No more anxiety, no more pain. I make myself believe my boyfriend hates me and that he doesn’t like me even when I know that he has a major exam coming up and is the only reason he can’t talk a lot. He’s never said he doesn’t like me. He’s never acted like he doesn’t. I know I have friends who like me but deep down I feel like I’m just not likeable. Like if I were to disappear one day, not a lot of people would care and this causes me to self sabotage my relationships. Idk if what I’m saying makes sense. Idk
3 comments
I feel exactly like you do, it’s the reason I came on Reddit so I could distract myself by reading other people’s confessions. I know it’s hard to find balance and a lot of it is positive self-talk. You have to shift your mood and your thoughts to something you enjoy. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you and cares about what you go through just be open and honest with him so he can help ease your mind. Your friends also care about you and get busy too, remember you get busy too. You could also go to a peer support group and just voice your feelings, it helps getting things off your chest. The hardest work you have to do is believe that you can get through this hump
It’s so hard to believe that things will be ok and it’s exhausting to have this inner battle with our minds, wish I didn’t suffer from depression it’s a damn curse. I have insecurities too and my husband has stuck by my side but I play with the notion that he’s with me because he feels sorry for me. I have to talk to him about it and although I feel better it’s embarrassing that I think this way. Just remember that the people in your life are there for you and care. Just breathe
The last 2.5 years have been hard for everyone. I’m sure there is a reason why you get depressed, you weren’t born depressed. you must get talking to your bf/family and deeply. I’m similar and I know was causes my depression, zero self love. You must keep asking why are you like this, why why why ? Talk on here or Dm me if you wanna.