I’m mid twenties F, he’s late twenties M.
So I have a group of friends and we all hang out together a few times a month. One guy in the group, Jared, has been making advances towards me, and I’m not interested. He is with the group 80% of the time and is friends with another guy in the group, Bob. Bob is my friend and so is his girlfriend. I think Bob told Jared about me before we met. I told Bob’s girlfriend I’m not interested in Jared but I don’t think she said anything because the advances haven’t stopped.
Jared is very forward and I don’t think I’ve given much/any indication that I’m interested, but I also haven’t explicitly shown “non interest”. He is extremely flirty to me in person and can also be sort of touchy. Ex: he kissed my neck when he was greeting/hugging me once. I try to ignore or brush these comments/actions off and haven’t said anything. I realize this is bad because I’m obviously giving him the wrong idea and not standing up for myself.
How do I approach this? I know I need to tell him I’m not interested but honestly I’m afraid of confrontation, especially with particularly forward men. I know my friend group will support me either way and I’m not really expecting retaliation but, I’m still just scared. And I’m worried about making things awkward for everyone including Bob.
Would it be weird if I tried to tell Bob and his girlfriend first and see if they could tell him? Or do I need to just tell him myself? I’m going to be seeing him soon and I’m just worried he’s going to try and kiss me or something and I would rather tell him before that happens.
2 comments
Yes it would be weird if you asked someone else to do it for you, and it will also make you look weak and scared
You can *tell* Bob and his GF so you have their support but you need to be clear and vocal to Jared
Practice saying things like No. Don’t do that. Stop [whatever he’s doing: hugging me, or kissing me etc). Don’t say things like “sorry I’m being a pain but could you please…”
>He is extremely flirty to me in person and can also be sort of touchy. Ex: he kissed my neck when he was greeting/hugging me once. I try to ignore or brush these comments/actions off and haven’t said anything.
YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING. “JARED, NO, DON’T KISS ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT, I DO NOT LIKE THAT, DON’T DO IT AGAIN.”
Practice if you need to.