My husband and I are having conflict in many areas with finances being a biggie.
He works as a physician (monthly income is 6000-7000)and I am a SAHP to a toddler and a baby. The toddler goes to preschool in the morning a couple of times a week. This is for her enrichment but also to give my husband and I some reprieve and to give us some one-on-one time with the baby. Let’s be honest—my husband gets down time while I’m still caring for the baby if the preschool day lands on a day he happens to have off.
Since being on one income, my husband has differed all management of our finances to me. He overlooks the money but he says it’s my responsibility to be on top of the spending. I don’t mind being the one who meal plans, grocery shops, and buys household goods that we need.
The problem is that he is constantly asking me about our budget and how much I spend at the grocery store, on Amazon, etc. He says it’s my responsibility to stay within the budget and he can’t help because as the SAHP, it should be my job to manage.
I’ve told him time and time again that he should try budgeting for us one month to see how difficult it is. He refuses and says I should be able to do it. And he gets upset when we go over.
We have 1000 to spend on everything for a family of 4. Im struggling.
Is it messed up that he constantly critiques my budgeting management but he refuses to take part in the actual spending?
Also, is 1000 an appropriate amount for everything each month, excluding bills? (Food, household supplies, gas, clothing)
10 comments
Honestly, it does sound like you should be the one managing the budget, otherwise you may find yourself with a situation where he becomes “controlling” to wrap his mind around it. As SAHM, I think this is one of those household things that falls under your purview and you indicate that he “oversees” it. Now, if the budget isn’t sufficient, then download and track your past three months’ expenses or so and see what seems reasonable. Are you spending on Amazon because you’re bored? Are you a spendthrift? I would suggest working out a fair budget for your household together and then it would be on you to manage staying within it. Good luck!
If your husband is determining how much money you will have to spend HE is the one managing the money, not you. Basically he gives you an allowance. He is in control and it doesn’t even seem reasonable. $1000.00 does not seem like enough money at all for a family of 4’s expenses to me. I spend $800 per month in groceries alone for my husband and I, but we do work from home and eat at home most of the time. Not only is your husband unreasonable about money but he won’t even hear you out or try to help? It seems there is a power imbalance here which is a deeper problem.
Yes I can manage on 1000 a month for groceries and gas, and clothes. I prob spend 500 a month on groceries for 4, but I shop sales and cook most days, we don’t buy junk food or organic.
Yall should still budget together, as in sitting once a month to review goals, savings, bills etc
This guy is an @$$. My wife is a SAHM, she does all the spending and I trust her. We don’t have a “budget”, I just trust her, and guess what? She does a phenomenal job without me lording over her. She doesd’nt need the stress, and neither do you, of trying to maintain the home-front and be constantly accountable to him. I don’t think that is what marriage is about.
Also, just quickly, it sounds like the budget needs to increase.
$1000/month depends a LOT on the financial circumstances of the family. Is your husband a PGY2 making 55k/year and trying to support a family of 4 in New York? Not the best plan, but probably reasonable under the circumstances.
Is your husband an ortho attending making 600k/year + bonuses? All the sudden that budget doesn’t really make sense.
More info needed for sure.
He’s a physician but he only gives you $1000 per week? $1000 is not enough for a family of 4 in most areas. If he wants you to be in charge of budgeting, then you need to control all the money and come up with your own realistic number for weekly budget. He sounds controlling to me.
Is there a written budget?
I’m sorry? He decided a limit?
I manage the fiancés and my husband is the breadwinner in the family. He takes no part in (it his choice) and never questions how I handle or because it’s works out well. He shouldn’t expect you to manage it and then critique you. Sorry you have to deal with that.
$1000/month for food, household supplies, gas, and clothing for a family of 4?? No. We live in the Midwest, in an area that isn’t HCOL. I’m sure I spend $1000/month on groceries and supplies alone for our family of 4. I cook 5-6 days a week (we eat out less than once a week except for our youngest who needs to eat out on practice days), compare prices, use some coupons, and look for good deals on items we need. Right now, it costs $80 to fill up my van every two weeks. My partner is WFH because he’d spend $250/month on gas alone if he drove to work.
If he brings home $6K a month, where is the rest of the money going?? Are your bills $5K a month? If meeting expenses with $1K a month is so easy, he should be able to do it and show you how it’s done. Obviously, you just aren’t as financially savvy as he is (insert big eyeroll).
I’m the SAHP and I manage the money. My partner earns a paycheck and then asks if he can spend money, lol. Neither of us are spenders. He knows what our bills consists of and knows what strategies I use to save money/get good deals. He wants nothing to do with budgeting. He’s done it before and it’s stressful for him. He trusts me implicitly. I give him financial updates: the bills are paid, our bank account balance, and any needs outside of the usual household expenses.