What subtle signs did an otherwise great partner have that showed they were selfish/liked things on their terms? How did you deal with it? Did they change?

4 comments

1. If they are selfish, and like everything on their terms, they are not an “otherwise great partner”. That’s bullshit, and making excuses for putting up with their bullshit

2. [removed]

3. He would throw a strop if my friends were around and threaten to leave if we couldn’t go back to my place or just away from them. Literally asking me to ditch my friends. But if we were with his friends and he acted like i didn’t exist it was excusable as he was ‘not going to act whipped around his boys’

4. I’m not sure how someone would be selfish and be an otherwise great partner unless they were lying to you in some way / trying to appear less selfish at critical junctures.

   How do you detect that? If they are super engaged and nice to you when you’re alone, but they are stand-offish when they are around their other friends.

   Are they willing to go on dates to do things that aren’t their favorite, without complaining the whole time?

   Do they help you when you ask them to do something that won’t benefit them directly?

   Are they nice to people in the service industry?

   Do their moms come to their house and do stuff for them, like laundry, cleaning, etc, or do they go and help their parents when they need it?

   Have they cheated on a previous partner?

   As to whether they change…. The people I know who were selfish in their 20’s are still so when approaching 50, even though they’ve had plenty of opportunities to learn and be different. Even the ones who had therapy – they are bitter and lonely and still blame others for it.