Sooo I’m getting to know this guy and it’s been going really great. He’s an awesome dude and we get along very well.. the conversation of sex came up and we both are thinking of taking it to that level. My concern.. he told me he doesn’t get tested and hates condoms. I have a lot of health anxiety towards std, HIV in particular. I am more at risk for it due to a health issue. I asked if he’d be willing to get tested which involves blood work and he told me he isn’t sure as he has a needle phobia and we can just use condoms… am I being too paranoid about not having sex, even with condoms? I worry a condom won’t protect me. I definitely have anxiety so maybe I’m over reacting. Any advice/opinions welcome.
6 comments
Your sexual safety and health should come first. If he’s unwilling to be safe, I wouldn’t entertain that.
Nooppeee
Red flag. If anyone asked me to go get tested before we had sex I totally would EVEN if for some reason they ghosted immediately after at least I KNOW I’m clean moving forward. Ask him to get tested, and SEE THE PAPERWORK.
Im extremely sti conscious, I would never sleep with someone who wouldn’t get tested. I ask every new partner to get tested and I do the same for them. To me, if someone won’t get tested thats a sign of sexual immaturity, and I find it unattractive.
Don’t take a risk you’re not willing to live with, no dick is worth that. Tell him you can get tested together if that helps, walk him through the process then you can have all the raw nasty sex you want worry free.
if hes *never* been tested then he should be tested for his own sake, let alone yours!
hes using fear as a reason to not be responsible for his own bodily health.
as an adult he should be working to find ways to take care of himself and manage his anxiety together
for me, im terrified of needles…but im more terrified of what the doctors will have to do if i get really sick!! there will be lots of needles!!! and even scalpels!
i warn the nurses before my bloodtest and ask them not to tell me when the poke is gonna happen so that i dont tense up in anticipation and then jump from the prick, and i talk about my cat because she makes everything better
Testing isn’t any guarantee for safety. So testing and then unsafe sex is still unsafe sex.
Imo you should only have unsafe sex when there’s trust. I doubt this is the case. I used condoms for months with my wife, maybe years, can’t remember. For a first experience. 🤔
A lot of people have STD and it always is preceded with “this will not happen with me” (those rare HIV-parties excluded).
Condoms are not enough. He needs to get tested. He probably is worried he has something.
Keep in mind that he needs to request the full panel of tests.