Our wives are sisters. We’ve known each other for about 6 years but don’t really have much in common to grow our relationship. He’s told me that he does this on multiple occasions.
I could see plenty of reasons to support either side. He has a lot to lose and does so much for his family — I can’t imagine him risking it all, let alone to take on further risk by opening his mouth. On the other hand, I’ve seen some of his behavior around women. For example spending boat loads of cash at strip clubs and staring at women for a bit too long.
I have considered a few possible reasons for why he is sharing this:
1: he believes that we are a lot closer than I think we are and he is confiding in me.
2: he is exaggerating or lying with malicious intentions. For example, hoping that I share some kind of personal secret myself so that he can use it against me.
3: he is exaggerating or lying with less malicious intentions. For example, to seem bigger or more manly.
4: he doesn’t care if he gets caught or if I tell anyone bc he is indifferent to the consequences or can lie his way out.
Anyone have any opinions or similar experiences to share?
16 comments
Do they have an open relationship and maybe he is bragging to you? I’d wager he is bragging to you, while exaggerating, and probably not malicious since he’s far more in the wrong here if they aren’t in an open relationship. Regardless, you should talk to your wife so you can go to your SIL together or just your wife can if you aren’t close.
He probably thinks you won’t say anything because of some imaginary ‘bro code’ or something. Sounds like a serial cheater that needs to brag about his conquests.
I have an acquaintance in town that for some reason constantly brags to me over email about the same thing, and he’s doing stuff with girls AND guys. Why he chose me to brag to I have no idea. But I do know he’s been caught numerous times but is still with his wife and still doing things (lies his way out of it every time). I figure the wife is either extremely stupid or in total denial, or she just let’s it go and is biding her time. Wouldn’t surprise me if one day she lawyers up with all the evidence and leaves him living in a box under a bridge. The dude I know is a piece of shit, and so is your brother in law.
Many adults are self destructive children that never learned to love themselves and remained emotionally immature… marry others like them and we end up with more mentally ill people than we take care of
I’ll never get this. If you’re gonna cheat keep it to yourself. People just love pointless risk
Personally, I’d tell him if he really considers himself my friend that he needs to tell me he will stop immediately and never bring up the subject again. I won’t judge or say anything,but I need plausible deniability for the sake of my relationship with my wife and to keep it he can’t keep telling me that.
He’s trying to see if you would be down for a wife swap.
To me, it’s clear cut: If my significant other were cheating on me, I’d want to know, so I would tell your brother-in-law’s wife if I were you. If he’s making it up, the weird mind games are bad enough anyway.
I’d look him right in the eye and tell him he has 1 hour to come clean to his wife. If he don’t you will tell her what he told you.
You tell your wife what he’s told you. It’s the right thing to do. Period.
Plus, if it ever comes out and they fjnd out you knew, that could ruin your relationship.
You’re forgetting one:
5: He feels this is no big deal and OF COURSE any man who has the chance is going to cheat. Given this ‘fact’, why hide it? And why not assume every other man will be supportive?
Yeah it’s dumb, but as the saying goes: do not attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Or he wants you to know so he has an “accomplice.”
You can’t keep that information to yourself. If it were me I’d discuss it with my wife in an appropriate manner. She will have insight on how to proceed from there.
The choice is to either stick up for the family that you married into by being open and transparent with them or sticking up for your future ex-brother-in-law.
No bro-code here. Him telling you this could potentially compromise your own relationship if you don’t handle it appropriately.
I would tell your wife – you owe this douche bag nothing.
My opinion is you should be talking to his wife. Like. Immediately.
Maybe record him doing this bullshit first. But right away, either way. She deserves to know. And he deserves to be paying heavy alimony.
Have you thought about asking him directly instead of random people on reddit?
Something like “That’s not cool dude, why are you doing it?”
Is it at all possible they have an open relationship? Either way, I’d let your sister know; still a weird thing to tell you about based off of how I’ve described your relationship with the BIL