My girlfriend and I have been dating for a about two months now. At the start of the relationship, mid-coitus, she created a scenario where she wanted to call my ex wife and ex girlfriend, and have them know that she was having her way with me, while we were doing it. Then the next time, I added to it saying that we should do that with her exes too. Once after, we spoke about getting my ex-wife involved, in a capacity that was humiliating. Last night, we were sexting. And I brought them both up as part of a revenge sex scenario. This has upset my girlfriend to no end. And she thinks that I needed to bring my ex girlfriend into the scenario for my own selfish gains and that I can’t manage without that. I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong, because in my mind, this is something that we’ve raised so many times before, and initially, I wasn’t the author of the scenario. However I truly love my girlfriend, and I’ll do anything to fix this mess that is seemingly my doing. I’ve even suggested stopping the scenario building altogether. And I really want to know if any of this is normal. If I’m at fault. If yes, how? As I really want to be better for my girlfriend. Please help and share thoughts.
3 comments
I don’t think I completely understand your text.
But please, don’t involve other people in your fantasies without their consent. Calling your ex and saying you’re having sex with your girlfriend is treating her like an object to satisfy your fantasies. It’s okay to joke about this with each other, but just don’t do it.
She literally created and suggested the stupid scenario… it’s not your mess to fix and you aren’t at fault. You literally reciprocated her fantasy. Lmao.
I will say that with stuff like this, obvious boundaries need to be set. I think y’all should have talked more about it.
Personally, this sounds like an unorthodox dynamic at best, and a toxic dumpster fire at its worst.
From your explanation, there seems to be a general air of insecurity and comparison that is currently making any ex talk way more trouble than it’s worth.
If it’s something you really want to add into your sex life, I’d strongly consider speaking with a couples counselor about it to make sure everyone is on the same page about expectations for such a touchy subject and that it’s implemented in a healthy way.
Otherwise, it sounds like this is heading down a one way road to jealousy and conflict that has the potential to end your relationship completely.
Maybe ask yourselves if the ex-talk in the bedroom is even worth it with your relationship potentially at stake. If the answer is no, I’d work to cut it out completely and refocus on connecting with each other without the external context of prior third parties.