Let me just start things off by stating that I am a dating greenhorn (one brief situationship a couple years ago and nothing else). I didn’t date much or even thought much about relationship in the past few years as I was focused on my studies and didn’t have much confidence about myself. Last year however something in me changed and I thought to myself that it would be nice to find someone to date and spend quality time with.
Earlier this year, after an unsuccessful attempt to date a classmate, I joined an online single’s event in my college and met another girl \[23F\]. Let’s called her X. X and me hit it off quite nicely, albeit only in online settings. We texted daily for a couple of months, had deep late-night conversations, and in general IMO had quite an emotional connection. On my birthday she even offered to get me something but seeing as we were just friends at that point, I told her that physical gifts is not necessary. She still recorded herself singing me a song, which I still have saved to this day.
The first time we met physically was in March. She was returning to our college campus for some stuff and she asked for us to meet. I offered to take her for a tour around the college since she had been away for quite some time due to COVID lockdown. We had a great time that day, perhaps a little awkward since I was not as much of a talker in person.
That was the end of the road, at least for the time. Although we had been having a great time with each other and decent emotional connection, the problem was that I was not physically attracted to her at all. I knew that from the moment I saw her profile picture that she was not exactly my type, yet I thought why not and continued talking to her until our first meeting. Some of our personalities were also at odds with each other. She was too intense for me, some of our views did not align. In short, I couldn’t see myself with her then. I think she sensed that as well, as after our first meeting our conversation died down a lot. X had also told me that she has started to pursue another guy. Coupled that with a depressive episode I had at the same time, I ghosted her for two months.
Things changed about a month ago. I couldn’t sleep one night so I was scrolling through Instagram and had her profile suggested to me. I thought it was strange as she didn’t have an Insta prior to our “breakup”. So I followed her. A couple of hours later she messaged me. We talked. One thing leads to another and she asked me to hangout. As friends. I thought why not, again.
We met, had a great time, and she asked for more hangouts. We talked about what we were doing since we “broke up”. It turned out that the guy she had been pursuing went nowhere, among other things. She had also changed a lot, being more reserved and gentler. As we went to more and more hangouts, I realized that I really enjoyed the time we had together. Although she was still not my type, I felt that I can somewhat look past some of that and realized that she is pretty and cute in her own way.
I was catching some feelings for her, though I’m still not sure if its a romantic feeling or something you felt being with a good friend. It doesn’t feel like any other crushes I had in the past, but something more mellow, quiet, safe.
This time, I felt inadequate for her. As I didn’t have a car, for most of our hangouts it was her who drove to pick me up. She was also often the one who initiate these meetups. Perhaps I was too slow but every time my brain had just started picked up on what we should do for our next hangout she already had something else in mind. I was also kinda reluctant to suggest hangouts myself since it would be her who would be driving us there. She had told me before that she hated driving. For the most part, I was the one being led everywhere, and I didn’t like that (We’ve paid for each other almost equally for all our hangouts). I felt like I was bothering her a lot. So, I planned on getting my own vehicle soon.
I’m also not sure if she felt anything beyond platonic with me. Perhaps these hangouts are just her way of connecting with a platonic friend. No more. Moreover, she also told me that she was also talking a lot with another guy, a gay best friend who was already dating another guy. Idk, even from this assurance I still felt a little jealous towards him. Our time is running out since she would graduate soon, followed by an internship. I also realized that I was too boring, uninspiring, inexperienced, introverted to date her. I felt guilty for ghosting her during our first run and not appreciating her then. Among other things, even until now I am not sure if I am 100 percent unto her.
Tonight, we will be going to concert that we have been planning for a while. It would perhaps be the last time we hangout before a long break. I felt that this would be a deciding moment for our relationship moving forward. Yet, I still felt hesitations. I’m not sure if it is the right call to pursue her after giving up on her the first time. I don’t want to destroy our present friendship if she felt differently. I felt inadequate, being a jobless college student while she wants a mature and capable man who can take care of her. At the same time, I really enjoyed our time together. I don’t want to miss out on trying out something good, just because I’m not sure if my feelings for her is 100 percent romantic.
Thus, I want to get some advice from y’all. Should I make a move tonight to confirm both our feelings? Or is it still too soon? Or that I should just keep things the way it is right now, just as good friends?
TLDR: Met a girl, gave up on pursuing her the first time, reconnected recently, had great time together, should I make a move?