Me and my boyfriend of around 11 months broke up about 3 months ago due to things getting toxic. Both of us had our faults but he definitely carried a lot of trauma through our relationship that he never was able to work through. Basically, I was his first girlfriend and his learning curve. Though the last months of our relationship was up and down, I would still have the best times with him. He was my best friend and someone I knew I could always count on through the thick and thin. I was getting run pretty thin though and decided it was best that the relationship ended. It was hard, really fucking hard because I didn’t want to leave him. I never wanted to break up with him because I truly wanted things to work out and fix themselves. For retrospect, he would have never broken up with me, not that he ever said it but I just knew it. So did everyone else around us. He was so madly in love with me but also was very immature with communication and reaction. I definitely had my moments too though, it’s not a one sided thing. I 100% take part in the relationship not working out.
Anyways, we are now working in different cities for college internships and will be back in the same city next month. We catch up sometimes but mostly small talk. The last time we talked he told me his feelings never wavered and that he misses me just like I miss him. Felt good to hear but I am worried it’s toxic to do that.
So I guess I’m just in a rut because I miss him and want him in my life so so bad but I just don’t know. I feel like it’s honestly not a good time for me since my mental state isn’t the best, which is leading me to feel weak and alone. (Another reason why i’m worried about my emotions being toxic) I just miss him as a person in my life. Not that I just missed talking to him or having someone there or being in a relationship. But I miss the joy and laughter we shared, I miss the yearning and deep connection we had and I miss the complete openness we had. It sucks but just had to let it out and any advice on what to do or opinions would be helpful
TLDR: me and my ex catch up and i miss him so much it hurts
1 comment
It’s normal to miss him. Here’s the thing: you couldn’t count on him because he doesn’t have the communication skills necessary to have a healthy relationship. Maybe you don’t either, but there’s a point at which love isn’t enough and you need someone who’s emotionally mature and ready. While it’s not his fault that he has trauma, it’s not your job to guide him through it. You’re not a training bicycle, you’re a young woman who made a really smart choice for herself. From one internet stranger to another, I’m really proud of you for making the decision to end a relationship that wasn’t growing or going in the direction that you want.
You very well might miss having someone to laugh with, and that person just happened to be him. Had it been someone else, you would be missing them instead. Sometimes, the part you miss is that you had a rich connection with another human being, and it wasn’t particularly about who they were as a person. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person.