Men tend to, on average watch more porn than women by a significant amount. One could attribute that to men being hornier than women or attitudes towards female sexuality, but… I’ll speak for myself here.

I am against pornography for ethnical reasons. The industry, the availability and what it does to people’s brains. However, even before I thought that, it had no appeal to me.

Part of that is that it’s not directed towards me. Some voice recording of dirty talk would do more but even that’s not really directed towards me.

But… I think that it’s simply that it’s so bad: sex in porn doesn’t look authentic. It doesn’t really look like two people having sex but like two sex dolls having. It’s mechanical. No passion, no enthusiasm. Compare that to ”consuming each other” like in real life. They don’t seem to enjoy it. No sensuality and even ”rough” sex is not at all that intense at all? Is that rough sex to pepple?

In addition the reactions (and only the woman reacts) are fake and very obviously so, so my brain barely registers it as sex. ”Fucking like a pornstar” is used as meaning wild and enthusiastic but for me it seems that it means boring sex. Many men seem to have seemingly ED there as well. (Well, it makes sense because it’s fake but it looks like ED which contributes to it looking like they aren’t enjoying it).

For me, sex scenes in movies are way more arousing than that and it’s often barely sex but kissing. (Don’t mean that they are, just shows how little I like normal porn).

Only ”amateur couple passionate real sex” could ever arouse me. The rest is ”not sex” in my head thus not that arousing.

But I did read that women get more turned on by the actual *act^ of sex.

Now for men it’s probably more about the woman as an object. How she looks and zoomed in on penetration and such. But why does that have to mean lack of passion, enthusiasm and so on? Why is that sort of porn still so popular? What I mean is, why look at that fake thing? Not talking per se about porn in itself but why the fake especially?

Why are many men so obsessed by that compared to real sex?

27 comments

  1. It’s because us men are not getting what we want from our women, I want to do anal but my gf doesn’t want to so I respect her wishes, but no harm is fantasising about it.

  4. Many women aren’t that good at real sex.

    Some are so bad at sex that even watching others enjoy themselves is more enjoyable than being with women bad at sex in real life.

    Edit: this probably applies to everyone and isn’t specific to women honestly. I’m sure some gay men can complain about some dudes being below par. Then again all the gay men I am friends with have libidos through the roof.

  6. 1. We’re visual creatures and it gives us visual stuff.
    2. It lets us explore things we wouldn’t get to IRL. I’ve lived where I have now over a year and not seen a single woman who is “my type”, I go into pornhub and type “asian” and I get over 170k videos to choose from.
    3. “Zoomed in on penetration” pretty sure most guys prefer lesbian and solo content. I sure know I do.

  7. Look at it this way, I have fantasies that people can’t or won’t fulfill. And I sometimes am just lazy and cannot put in the effort to satisfy a partner fairly when all I need is a quick release.

    So porn gives me the easy option that does not fall under what I consider cheating, so it’s my route to go. I’m not trying to replace sex, I’m trying not to be a burden or overly demanding on partners who can’t match what I need.

  8. First of all, I’m gonna correct you on two quick small things. One: Men are not hornier than Women, I believe the more accurate term is Men are horny more often (That is something I’ve heard Women say themselves as well). Two: Men watching porn for the woman is correct but it is not because we see her as an object, it is because we love the woman’s body and we like to watch them actually enjoy it and express herself in the bed.

    Now for the main question.

    I am a porn watcher. Here is my opinion on the case. I agree with you on the whole fakeness thing and how these videos seem to dominate the top searches but I, just like you, am not attracted to these scenes. Much for the same reason you mentioned. The Man and the Woman are extremely objectified. The Man looks like a rampaging maniac who can’t control himself. The Woman looks like an object to be toyed around with no regards to if she actually likes it or not hence the false moaning. When talked about in videos on Youtube, usually these Men who watch these scenes claim that they just put it on because they do no care as they will ejaculate to anything. In their words: “I am not really picky, I just put it on because I’m horny and I don’t really want to search around. I just go fuck it and pick the first video I see.”

    Now to what I personally watch. I personally watch more natural scenes. No faking, two people who are actually enjoying eveeything about the other person. Where it actually looks and feels like there is chemistry and the orgasms are real. Some of them can still be “rough” but as long as it comes off to me as genuine. I think most people despise porn because of the top videos, but once you actually put in time to search for the good quality ones; I think it’s very arousing and attractive.

    Now why do I watch porn? I don’t think porn is destructive imo. It can only be if you take it seriously but I know that these are just professional or semi professional scenes. I do not objectify anyone and I understand that this is not how everyone acts and do in bed but I enjoy watching what they are doing with that and I like feeling pleasure obviously. At the end of the day, I’m a Man and it’s in my nature that I am horny often and it’s not that something we choose to be but it is who we are and I think we should respect and love who we are regardless so if I feel sexual tension in my body, I would release it with masturbation (if I am single). I just see it as totally natural. And I prefer people just release their sexual tension this way anyways because if it builds too high, it can drive some people to do crazy things so really a small private wank won’t harm anyone. If I don’t overdo it, I am also respecting my body by not putting too much pressure on it.

  10. >For me, sex scenes in movies are way more arousing

    …but they aren’t looking real either. Nobody ever kisses in reality like people on film, for example. I would say that “normal” movies are even *further* away from reality than porn when it comes to this. Oh – and the actors don’t enjoy it either and that can be clearly seen as well.

    >I am against pornography for ethnical reasons. The industry, the availability and what it does to people’s brains.

    Then you must be against the “normal” film industry as well for the exact same reasons. If you think porn actors/actresses are getting exploited, talk to an average screen writer.

  11. men are more visually stimulated and less likely to have access to sex and even less so the specific kind they want or the specific kind of female aesthetic.

    “I am against pornography for ethnical reasons. The industry, the availability and what it does to people’s brains. However, even before I thought that, it had no appeal to me.”

    same but i still watch it i just dont spend money on it. in regards to the brain thing i am doubtful having no sexual outlet at all would be better me.

    “What I mean is, why look at that fake thing? Not talking per se about porn in itself but why the fake especially?”

    because it all fake and you might as well skip to the part you came to see . should i feel more watching 2 strangers kiss?

    “Why are many men so obsessed by that compared to real sex?”

    because of the reasons above but mostly importantly its more available

  12. You basically just described one generic bad type of porn, that you don’t like, while also describing another one genre of porn that you’re into. You just lumped all men into one and criticized us for our taste in porn. There’s a reason porn sites have at least a dozen different genres.

    We’re not dumb, we know it’s all an act. It’s possible to shut your brain off for 30 seconds to blow your load. For the same reason you shut your brain off while watching Outlander. I mean, Outlander. And you say men have no taste in porn.

  14. Essentially this post is the OP seeing some bottom tier, absolute crap porn and assuming all porn is just meat pounding followed by grunts and fake moans. The coming to conclusion all porn sucks and how people can be possibly attracted to it.

    That’s a bit like seeing a text book on geometry and then coming to the conclusion all books must be boring, why do people like to read?

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  15. It’s not good. It’s like fast food for your sex drive.

    Fast food is not about feeding people in healthy ways. It’s about making money.

    If people get fat and drop dead from a heart attack, whatever. If kids work for pitiful wages, whatever. As long as people keep eating.

    Same goes for porn. It’s not about healthy breaking down of taboos and sexual education. It’s about making money.

    If people destroy their relationships and develop chronic use side effects like erectile disfunction and performance anxiety, whatever.

    If porn producers manipulate young people into doing things that will stigmatise them forever and put them in harms way from predatory behaviour, whatever. As long as people keep watching.

    Neither industries give a crap about the ethics or the effects. They just want to exploit people for money. It’s insidious.

  16. Same reason that people watch TikTok as opposed to some documentary for example; growing demand, flashy visuals, ease of mass production and ad revenue come before worker safety and “real sex”.

  17. The appeal is that it’s a quick and easy resort to sex when you want to bust a nut. As men, the abundance of hormones like testosterone pretty much makes sexuality kinda like sitting in a souped up muscle car that’s always running but occasionally revs its engine and takes off. Most of us have sex on the brain most of the time which causes us to seek out women but that’ll end in rejection more often than not and no one likes that. If it happens long enough, men usually go to porn because it provides the same end result without the risk of an ego hit (well, not until he nuts but that varies). And a lot of the time when we do have sex, the women aren’t that good but the man still manages to nut because biology primed him and the woman over millions of years so that he could cum as quick as possible for reproductive purposes.

    Your mistake is that you’re attempting to wrap your head around why male sexuality doesn’t work like female sexuality. The truth is things like dirty talk, passion, and sensuality aren’t things we need to reach the mountaintop, those are things you need to reach the mountaintop. For us, those can get us to the top quicker but its absence doesn’t prevent the orgasm. When it comes to porn all we need is to see an attractive woman get railed while we lube our dicks and stroke to a similar rhythm to trick the brain into thinking it’s real and eventually, we’ll bust.

    As for ED, it’s prevalent yeah because men have to approach women and risk being rejected so they regale themselves to porn as an alternative and as you’re consuming it, the dopamine production in the brain is slowly altered to fire more in the presence (virtual or otherwise) of an attractive women, the more attractive the better and as this change happens, the brain needs more extreme stimulants to get the same dopamine hit that it craves. This is how basically every addiction you can think of functions. To the point you’ve made about sex scenes, I’d bet that the reason you found them so arousing was because those movies were geared towards you, a woman, because you’re the target audience. It’s like fifty shades of grey, women rave about how hot it is but if you get most men to read the book or watch the movie and they’ll be confused at where the hype is coming from. I’ll give you the point on amateur videos though, we’re in agreement on that.

    The answer to your overarching question about why porn for men lacks passion, enthusiasm, etc it’s because those are extra components that aren’t actually necessary for the viewer.

  18. There’s an entire internet of porn. Plenty of porn doesn’t look (or sound) anything like you describe.

    This is roughly the equivalent of complaining that music is terrible because you listen to one top-40 station and don’t like what’s on it.

    > Why is that sort of porn still so popular?

    Because it’s cheap and easy to produce for a commercial studio, and they’re aiming for good enough appeal at low cost. There’s plenty of people out there who don’t need more than that. It’s not necessarily that they think it’s the best thing ever, but that it’s good enough.

    Actual chemistry between people is hard to just….create on a schedule.

    There’s an infinite number of small studios and amateurs out there catering to people looking for something with more to it.

  19. Most of the porn I view isn’t sex, it’s women reaching for things in yoga pants

  20. This seems to be more of a rant (or vent) than an actual question.

  21. You make too many assumptions about both men and porn to take your post seriously.

  22. I had a conversation back in my university days with a female colleague. Somehow, the conversation turned to porn, and she told me “we all know men watch porn, but women wouldn’t. We women would just have sex.”

    Now, keep in mind, this was in the context of us being all of bunch of horny young men and women living in a university dorm, away from our parents for probably the first time in our lives, but the point still stands. For her, having sex was a simple matter of going down the hall and knocking on a few doors. You see, that sort of option just isn’t exactly there for most guys, even given that particular time and place. The door-knocking equivalent for us guys would have been to turn to our laptops, go to Pornhub, and watch porn. “Real sex” just isn’t available to guys the same way it is to women.

  26. Same reason more men than women use prostitution services. It has the exact same flaws you pointed out about porn.

  27. I’ll answer the question in the title. Porn is the not-so-healthy-for-men go to replacement of brothels. But since many countries have a purist take on prostitution (looking at you, usa), porn is popular even if bad.

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