A couple of weeks ago, I was laying down with our 3 year old son to get him asleep. My husband pooped in and asked if I wanted subway. I said yes please and he asked me to send him my order and I did.
I hear him leave, then hear him come back. I’m excited and starving. I come out and round the kitchen. He said “I fucked up and forgot to order your sandwich” I said “how’d you forget? You were the one that asked me and then asked me to send you a text with my order…” he offered me the other half of his sandwich and I ate it.
Tonight he asks me if I want anything from a local Mexican restaurant. Again, starving I said yes. I told him what I wanted. I again, hear him leave and hear him come back. I walk into the kitchen and he’s on his last half of a street taco. He looks at me with a mouth full of food and said “i fucked up again. I have the most adhd brain ever. I didn’t even go to the right place. I went to the taco truck.” He didn’t think to get anything for me and offered me a half eaten taco. He starts to laugh and im very frustrated. I told him it isn’t funny anymore. Left and got myself some McDonald’s out of spite.
Honestly, how can someone FORGET their spouses meal after they were the one to initiate going and getting something to eat? I know it’s just food but damn I was looking forward to a hot meal both times. I feel forgotten🤭
Tonight when I walked back in the door he greeted me and then said “I love you” and it feels… manipulative.
43 comments
I have no idea how someone could forget that lol
I’d normally say there are two sides to every story, but as an old fashion man myself I would make sure my wife ate before I even thought about myself.
I could be pissed at her, have worked a 15 hour day… And I’d still make sure she ate before I thought about myself.
Little to no excuse on his part!
So did he recently have a stroke or head trauma? I can’t even believe what I just read…lol. It makes zero sense.
At what point does he realized he fucked up? Because if it was anytime before you walking in the kitchen, he should have turned his ass around and fix the situation. Or I would have, at least. If he is not remembering you exist and need to eat until he see you, he needs to go to the doctor. Or he’s eating your food too and making excuses!
Sounds like he’s easily distracted perhaps? No idea. I would not do this to my family.
My husband has adhd too. Has never forgot my food.
Your husbands behavior is just selfish and there’s no excuse for it.
I can understand getting an order wrong or not double checking after you’ve gotten the food.
But dinner is one of those things you do every night. You don’t just forget to feed your family. That’s so odd.
I take stimulants several times a day for my ADHD. Even on my worst day I never did this. He’s just selfish.
He needs to go back out and get you food when this happens. You can hang on to his order until he returns. Bet that pattern stops right quick if you do that.
Sounds like it’s time for him to start cooking dinners at home. He won’t FORGET when he has to do the actual labour.
This is so rude and selfish!
I’ve got bad ADHD and even I remember to feed my family
Ok – we both get hangry (I’m hangry right now and I’m in charge of dinner). Tell him the next time he goes to get food, you will meet him at the door when he returns and if there is only 1 portion, it will be yours and he will be expected to leave to go get himself food because You’re not sharing if it happens again. I bet he magically won’t forget if that’s the new “rule”.
He’s kind of stupid…and I mean that in the nicest way possible. But how do you forget while standing there in line or ordering…that you need to pick something up for the wife. I mean the standard quesiton “would that be all” should trigger something. And then to get all the way home and start eating and still not realize???? WTF.
Like does he forget to breath sometimes as well?
I HATE how he uses ADHD as a ridiculous excuse. Your husband is either an asshole who likes to push your buttons, or he legitimately has short term memory loss issues.
My husband has ADHD, his mind is like a rusty cog and he can’t keep up in a conversation lol but he NEVER forgets me. I’m always first.
My mind doesn’t understand how your husband forgets about you?? Um hello? Time to forget his big ass too.
He’s messing with you SMH
I honestly worry about his safety reading this. This is beyond selfish or stupid… like beyond? Ide demand he go to a doctor.
Also, aside from a severe medical issue – check the receipts…. Did he actually forget? Where did he go exactly? There’s so much to unpack here
My first thought (probably because I read too many of these reddits) is he going out to eat with someone else and then forgetting your take out order because he went out to meet somebody else? How long is he gone?!
Is he using drugs? Does he have early signs of dementia? Is he sleep deprived? Or depressed?
or is he just flat out just ordering takeout for himself and flaking out? Either way I would be hurt. I would turn around and head back to the restaurant before I came into the house with no food for my husband if I was the one in charge of dinner. And honestly the only way I could possibly make it home without is if the restaurant screwed up the order somehow. But he seemed to admit it was not a restaurant screwup….
Next time he asks if you want him to get you food you must reply, “That depends. Is there anything other than disappointment on the menu?”
I’d make him go back and get the food. If that place is closed, then somewhere else. He’s not a child, make him do this and hopefully the inconvenience won’t make him forget again.
I’m wondering does he do this with other things as well? I will admit I don’t have any personal experience with ADHD so I won’t insult anyone that does with some guess as to that being a cause, but….
Something just seems really really off about continuously forgetting something that honestly isn’t too hard to remember, especially if you’re hungry yourself.
My husband sometimes forgets details from my order so it’s wrong but never to forget to get me a meal at all. Wtf? Just inconsiderate at this point.
Have you tried forcing him to go back out and get you food? Unless he had some serious head trauma, I can help but think he does it in purpose. As in he enjoys whatever reaction you give him when he does this.
My husband has forgotten one of my items before, git all the way home, then turned around and went back.
If your husband wanted to he would
Is money an issue that maybe you’re not aware of?
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My husband and I both have adhd and this would still piss me off soooo bad LOL
If my husband forgot my food, he would save what he purchased for himself to give to me, insist I eat it, apologize profusely and either go hungry or go get something else for himself. Or he would run back out beforehand and go get what I ordered.
This doesn’t feel… right. You also said he laughed? Is he doing it out of spite?
How long is your husband gone for? This seems suspicious.
My husband has forgotten stuff for me a few times. One week, he forgot me 3 times. I started crying in front of his parents. It wasn’t about my milkshake or coffee or the food, it was about feeling invisible. I understand he has undiagnosed adhd, but that’s no longer an excuse. If I had forgotten him he wouldn’t have let it go, and after pointing out the very obvious, he seemed to understand and he’s been doing much better. But still, I wanted my Oreo shake and my white chocolate mocha, damn it!
My ex husband used to do this. I’d give him an order and then he’d “forget” to grab it. This is partially why he is now my ex husband. The man I’m with now never forgets and even cooks for me when I come home from work. Know your worth. Obviously if this is the only thing he does wrong you two can work at it. I’d just communicate how it makes you feel.
I’d check for a head injury.
I have done things similar, but usually catch myself before i get home and doible back. Idk, i am a busy guy… i leVe my house at 245am and i dont get hiome until 630pm, sometimes 8pm…..
So…maybe he works hella hard and is just usually raking care of himself during the days at work. Happens to me.
On the other note, you need to do the same thing to him. It will seer into his mind and he will probably not forget adter that.
I’ve done this – complete brain fart – then turned around, went back out and got her a meal… you don’t just say oops, you fix the mistake…
Does he go back and get it?
My husband does this. He will ask if I need something from the store and then forget to get what I ask him. Once I had horrible kidney pain and thought I was dying and asked him to get me pedialyte. He got everything he needed from the store and forgot my pedialyte. It just sucked cause like, damn I only wanted one thing because I’m feeling sick and he can’t even remember
Is he putting you on a diet subconsciously??
My husband has forgotten ‘extras’ over the years – for example, he’ll offer to go and get food. I’ll ask for a sandwich and a coke. He’ll come back with the sandwich, but not the coke.
In saying that he is horrified as soon as he looks at me when he walks in and remembers immediately, and often without saying a word will just turn around and leave again to go back to the shops haha (by which stage I’m usually yelling out and laughing “don’t worry about the drink!”)
In his defense, the man is 45 years old and has never had a soft drink or juice in his life, so I think drinks are just an afterthought for him? Who knows.
In relation to what your husband said, does he actually have ADHD? If so, that could explain a bit. Maybe when he gets to the shop he is overwhelmed by choice / pressure and just forgets.
Given that it’s obviously an ongoing issue, why doesn’t he write it down in his phone?
Just an idea
my partner is adhd/lightly on the spectrum (both of us are the same here) you don’t just forget food for your spouse. like, if anything if i stop somewhere i’m gonna order what he wanted first so i don’t get the chance to forget, and vice versa. him forgetting repeatedly, especially after initiating makes me real uncomfy. especially if he has it in writing in a text
Something else is going on here. Like this does not make sense. even if you hadn’t sent the order my husband would just guess what I wanted over coming home with food for him and none for me. That’s so weird.
I can’t actually imagine not automatically getting my partner food when I get myself some. Even when he’s at his brick and mortar and I’m working from home I get or make him a lil something for later when I get/make my own. Anything else feels alien. I’d let him know calmly but very seriously “hey this happening twice makes me feel like I’m just not a priority in your mind, and as the mother of your fucking child that sucks”
This is not at all okay. It’s not “just food”. It the obscene level of inconsideration and disregard towards his partner. HIS WIFE, for Pete’s sake! I’d never do this to my spouse, let alone the mother of my children?! And the fact that he just went on eating to me is even worse! If this was me there’s no way I’d seat down and eat m food like “oh well, I got mine. Too bad for spouse”. I’d get my ass back out and got you your food! I wouldn’t even dare start eating while my significant other if goes hungry. WTF?! So selfish and uncaring! If we are hungry we both eat. You are a couple, it should not be every man out for themselves.