During an argument tonight with my husband he mentioned that I wake up at 11am every Saturday and leave the little ones in their pull-ups for hours.
He is partially correct. I woke up late THIS Saturday. I am not doing good mentally. I woke up and laid in bed forever. I feel bad. And I hate that he threw it in my face. Last year I told him I wasn’t doing good and really needed some depression medication. The first chance he got, he suggested I move out without the kids 💔 I do nothing but praise him for being a good dad. He really made me feel like shit..
Then he tells me that I make everyone around me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know how. I’m very introverted. I don’t say much. Last week his friend stopped by and I waved from my car. He must have not seen me because he didn’t wave back. Then he got out of his car as I was getting out of mine (we were both arriving to my house at the same time) and he said “How are you?” He was approaching my husband so I figured he was talking to him and didn’t say anything. So I guess the guy got butthurt. But why didn’t I get butthurt when he blew me off when I said hi from the car? Instead of being a crybaby, I figured there was some kind of explanation and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
Anyway….The argument between my husband and I ended with me feeling like a bad mom and feeling like nobody likes me 💔
I feel like I’m a good person. I pray for people (I’m not super religious but I like to hang onto hope). I help families with children going through cancer. I donate money to immigration lawyers. But this man makes me feel worthless. Yes I’ve been struggling lately. Getting out of bed is hard. But I adore my kids. After that argument I apologized to them for slacking off. They were asleep but it’s just something I had to tell them.
ETA: I did see a doctor. She prescribed me Zoloft. It made me so sick even after weeks of taking it so I’m waiting for my appointment (a month from now) for a new prescription.
9 comments
I’m so sorry that you are not getting support from the person you probably want it most from.
You sound depressed and you should get proffessional help. The way he speaks to you.. seems like he only wants the good parts of life and marriage and doesn’t know how to deal with the hard parts. Having a depressed wife? Absolutely, it’s hard. It took a toll on my husband. But telling you that you bum people out is just inconsiderate and rude. He needs a reality check and understand that his wife needs help and support and he is doing the exact opposite of both.
Please seek out help asap 🙏🏻
>Last year I told him I wasn’t doing good and really needed some depression medication.
So, did you make an appointment for yourself to get help?
Every parent has bad days. What are you doing to treat your depression? You need to do it for yourself and your kids.
If he is such a good dad why is he letting the kids run around in pull ups all day? Dont let him denigrate you. Stand up for yourself. Rattle off what you do for the family. If he gets belittling to you challenge him to do better on his faults.
Why wasn’t he up to change the kids? And yes, you are depressed and need assistance. Don’t ask your husband for help, he sounds checked out. You need to make a Drs appointment. Getting rid of the husband might help too.
It’s hard but you need to deal with your depression. At the peak of mine my husband said some very mean things but it was also out of frustration because I didn’t see anyone to get help, I just wallowed. It’s a very dark place with young kids and the guilt compounds it. You need to see a doctor. Both for mental health and blood work to cover your bases.
I am still a somewhat depressed person but I keep a routine so I don’t spiral into total dysfunction and I also make sure I ask for help if I’m about to spiral. I joined a fitness group as well so I get time away from house that is positive and about self care.
Little changes have big effect, I stopped looking at depression as my enemy but more as a small, sad little girl who is afraid of what’s beyond her bedroom.. Some days she won’t budge because maybe she legitimately needs rest but you have to scope it out and push. With the help of a professional guiding you, you could see steady improvement. Ya gotta flip the dialogue too.
“I will get up now and do X, Y and Z. (I make a SMALL list of have to dos) Then, when the kids are napping I’ll have a nice rest with a good show and some chocolate.” Often during these rests I might journal, I might cry or sometimes I’ll say “I can do MORE” and I’ll be on fire. It’s up and down but the only person who is accountable for your mental health is you.
The hardest and most ironic part of getting out of chronic depression was a deeply hidden perfectionism, when I couldn’t be all that I promised my family I fell apart. Turns out good enough is far from what I imagined and my kids are doing great despite my own hurdles. Nobody is super human! Small, baby steps with a written list and little breaks made the entire process more bearable.
I hope your husband had a bad moment and isn’t an asshole, maybe couples counselling would be helpful down the line but definitely prioritise your own therapist first so you can shift the weight of the depression a bit.
Good luck!
Why were the kids allowed to be in their pull ups for hours ? He sounds like a shit husband and father. That being said have you sought help ?
If you recognize you are in a funk, only YOU can bring yourself out of it. Your husband can support. But he obviously has some resentment about it.
You can only give what you have.
If you are sick, without energy, you need to be taken care of before you can take care of your family again.
Usually women (especially mothers) carry all the emotional responsibility of the family.
If instead of you, your husband was depressed, how would you and your children welcome him? Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself!