It could be just me. But I think friendships with guys are incredibly challenging. First of all, trying to find someone who you connect with but who is also not weird or out to use you (too many mlm bros out there).
Also, guys don’t pursue to keep the friendship alive. I would never see or hear from my guy friends if I didn’t text them or invite them over to hang out.
I just might be the social weirdo that wants to have deep friendships with other guys.
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We are typically hard on each other because we want strong friends we can rely on
Ultimately maybe friendships aren’t that deep..
Most guys I know deal with what’s in front of them. If you’re not in front of them regularly through work, hobbies, social orgs, school, church, whatever then the maintenance work just isn’t going to be there. It takes something really special to get attention otherwise and new friendships are rarely THAT important.
i just dont like other men tbh
I don’t think you’re a weirdo, because I have a friend who probably feels the same way you do. The difference is men, at least men in their late 20s or older, don’t tend to “unwind” by hanging out with other guys. At least, not all the time. It depends on the guy.
My friend, a good friend, I really like him, enjoys socializing 5000 times more than anyone. He enjoys calling to catch up, face timing, etc. I just hate that. I like him, but we actually haven’t spoken in months because I absolutely hate video calling and talking on the phone (he moved to Europe some time ago).
My best friend from childhood is another example. He and I used to hang out like 7 days a week, all day, even if there was nothing to do. Now, as adults, I see him maybe a handful of times in a year. Somehow, that seems perfectly normal and acceptable to both of us.
As long as your friendship is still the same as always, even in cases where you rarely see each other, I don’t think anything is wrong. In fact, it just seems to be the way of adult life for men. Women on the other hand… They always seem down to hangout with each other.
Although sometimes I feel like this is specifically a North American thing. I could be wrong, but in my experience, guys from other countries seem to just hangout with each other all the time and be together when they’re not at work. Like, all the time.
I don’t have a lot of friends anymore. Reasons include: The fact that most males actually tend to act like females anyway, I think it’s just the human condition. Most of the guys who call themselves my friends are backstabbers and a lot of them try to say what they think I want to hear which has the opposite effect they intend. I always notice their words and actions don’t line up. Most men are actually cowards who put on a facade to seem tough and will fall apart if pressured. What you need to do is get comfortable being alone, most people can’t handle that. You never know if someone is using you or not so you need to be cautious of everyone, especially if they are too friendly or they always agree with you or try to suck up to you.
Too busy to have fairweather friends. Keep couple good ones until they die and leave me to my hobbies.
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Tbh the friends who i really care about i reach out to.
I dunno I never had issues making male friends.
It’s because friendship doesn’t imply you get to be an emotional vampire who is all up in another man’s business to suit your “needs”. Like, your friends have lives. Get one of your own.
Men are afraid of being vulnerable. Society conditions us to be stoic and bottle up our feelings.
>I just might be the social weirdo that wants to have deep friendships with other guys.
you might but, keep looking, you’ll find a lot similar to you
First time Im hearing this from a dude tbh
They aren’t but they are not the same as women’s friendships. Don’t use them as your measuring stick.
Might just be you because I have 4 male friends who I have a great relationship with. One even told me he loved me (as a friend) and that I was one a kind person to him.
All I do is hang out with them as much as possible, listen to their issues and support them however I can and just have their back.
I don’t find male or female friendships difficult but that’s just me I guess
I have about 9 buddies that I hang out with regularly. Myself and two others do not have kids. I am usually the one who arranges camping trips etc. Only one other guy will step up, once in a while.
Two of those guys are VERY close to me. They fell into a habit of not doing anything with me until I set it up. I went out for coffee with them separately, and called them out on it. I told them that they need to step their game up. They did. It was as easy as that.
It’s a respect thing. Sit down with your closest friends and tell them how you’re feeling and what you need from them. Your friendship should come out stronger in the end.
I find what really binds a group together is a *thing* that you all do and are a part of. That might be gaming, sport, whatever, but what really helps is that the focus is on a separate thing and the friendship is allowed to bloom naturally by spending time together.
Friendshipsare easy, I need to know two things: 1) do you like to eat food and 2) do you like board/card games, 3) bonus points if you have a kid around 3 that mine loves to play with and/or a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend that can hang. Check those boxes and we will have a good time. I cook probably 10-18lbs of meat pretty much every weekend. My wife and I love board/card games. We aim to have someone over every weekend to hang out and just forget the doodoo storm that is the world around us for an evening/day in some cases.
I find male relationships much less challenging. Women won’t put out the effort to connect with me, they expect me to do all the legwork, even in platonic relationships.
there are a lot of toxic stereotypes involving male relationships. Most times a guy tries to have a friendly conversation with me, they’re objectifying some woman.
Male friendships are pretty universally known to be the opposite of difficult.
Being friends with a guy is EASY.
I’ve observed the way women’s friendships work and _trust me_ you do not want that.
You might be a social weirdo, in which case humans will generally avoid you (not just guys)
im busy as fuck dude and my gf still wants to go on dates when im not buys lol
What?
Male friendships are incredibly easy. Like, do you like beer and sports team I mention? Cool. We’re friends.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to be friendly at a bar and make a new friend.
You have to find the right friends. There are guys who are just as catty as women and talk shit behind everyone’s back. If they talk shit about someone else behind their back, I know they’re talking shit behind my back. Also there are friends who are always negative or being “pragmatic”. Most of the time these people are just insecure. I still hangout with them when they reach out but I never initiate.
I still sleep with my teddy bears and im 25 and muscly even when i have girls over i hide them cause i know they will bully me about it
I’m going to generalise now. I know that not all friendships follow the pattern that I am describing.
Many male/male friendships are superficial. Talking about cars, sports, video games, sexist conversations about women/sex…
Female/female friendships? Much deeper. Of course they also talk about hobbies and about sex, but they also have deep, emotional conversations.
Men usually do not have those, since showing emotions is seen as ‘weak’. Many men ridicule other men for showing emotions and crying. Meanwhile, women are more open towards each other. And so, women often have deeper friendships than men.
The problem? Patriarchal gender roles. If men would be able to show emotions as well, men would have much deeper and stronger friendships.
Personally, I prefer friendships with women. And no, not for the sake of sex. I befriend women who I am not attracted to. And try to have friendships similar to the friendships that two women have.
I’ve posted this before but it sums up male friendship.
Shared experience + time = friendship
All you have to do is have one thing in common that you like to do. And occasionally do that with them. The longer you spend doing that together the better the friendship. I have boardgame friends, sports friends, nerdy/geeky friends and friends I’ve had since childhood. And I’ve helped almost all of them move.
If their vibe rubs you the wrong way then fuck that guy but if you can vibe with them and there be no hostile vibes he’s a bro.
I don’t have anything in common with guys. I rather hang out with women who do guy things.
I don’t have a tit for tat relationship with any of my guy friends. We hit each other up when we need something or we have that rare oppourtunity to spend time with one another. Might not seem like the most glamorous friendship, but when push comes to shove they are ALWAYS there for me in a pinch. I can call my guy friends after 5 months of not speaking and tell them I need a place to stay and they wont hesitate to say yes.
Other than that our relationship consists of us sending memes to each other or talking about sports.
OP you and I are similar.
It’s difficult to find them because they are sitting at home like you thinking similar things.
Why doesn’t anyone reach out to me?
Well you have to go out and do guy hobbies to find other guys.
Can’t make friends click..it’s not easy.
A lot of times yes you have to initiate everything
Honestly it’s that if I’m not immediately in front of someone or see them often, I just kinda forget to stay in contact. But the nice thing is we can always pick up right where we left off without any hurt feelings.
I think a real friendship is when you don’t need to hang our regularly, but when you finally do, you feel as if you saw each other yesterday. I don’t need to speak with my friend each day to know they are still my friend, unless they really stop responding, like a lot of guys I thought were my friends. Friendship should be strong no matter how hard you ‘try’, otherwise it’s not really friendship in my opinion.
But yeah, as a guy myself, I will not be the one to constantly remind my female friend that we are friends. If she needs something, she will get in touch, and vice versa, if not, then let her live her life. But maybe my case is kinda special since I have a sexual past with my bff (experimentations of a curious youth, things long gone), and my fiancé knows that. She claims she’s not jealous, but I (and my bbf) can see that she actually is. They don’t get along well together. But she understands that it is a friendship and is not entirely against me being friends with another woman. Anyway, I think that proves friendships can exist, and even simultaneously with real love.
It’s taken me over 25 years to learn and realize more about myself and the people I surround myself with.
I’ve learned that everyone has multiple friends groups and within those you learn who to really trust and or what you want to share with them.
Some men (specifically since you asked) have such a hard time opening up because they just never have with any of their friends. Just recently I was asked super deep questions in my first interaction with a new friend and it changed my perspective on how I talk to new people and how to approach with even more open mindedness than I was already at. I think it was so refreshing to meet new people in a new town I just moved to. I can now tell who has good intentions with my friendship than people I used to see every day in college for 4 straight years.
IMO: be straight with some of these guys with what you’re looking for. It may take some time to get the relationship built for what you are specifically looking for but just know it’s time worth we’ll spent!
Good luck!
we’re apes who have a reptile brain that wants to smash the skull of an elderly alpha male with a rock. might be part of it.
The true miracle of jesus is that he was 32, had 11 male friends, none of which he went to high school with
I find that we males tend to hangout to forget about our regular life. I hangout with my friends, what do we talk about? Sports and politics nothing to do with our day to day lives really. That’s kinda why I feel when I see my male friends after a long time nothing really changed, we just talk about useless stuff that don’t effect us at all. It’s hard to open up to male friends because it can open up a whole can of worms we don’t wanna deal with. At least this is how I feel.
I don’t know about the rest, but for me; I got my own things to deal with and my friends got theirs.
I may not bother keeping in touch with them but maybe rarely after a year or so, we’ll greet and catch up like nothing happened. Talk, laugh and trash each other as we’ve always had.
Who needs to be connected constantly?
I know you, you know me.
We see each other after a year, we hang or not.
And do it again until we meet again.
How old are you?
I have literally never ever seen a MLM bro.
Also, guys don’t need to keep a friendship alive. I see my childhood friends every other year when I visit my home town, and it’s great to see them, but we barely talk otherwise. It’s not like guys stop being friends when you don’t go out to brunch every other weekend…
Sometimes it’s better to make teen guys as your friends even if you are old. The problem being you will have to pass their parents trust test
Because some men neglect their friends once they have a relationship
Mostly my male friends in my life were bonded with some activites that we have common interest. Not actively seeking friendship with people who don’t have the similarity. If you like video games, you will befriend with people who like video games too, from there you will form deep connection overtime if you often socialize with them through common interest. Find something that you have some interest, it could be gym, travel, volunteer, culinary, many more.
People are self-absorbed by nature, you can’t just find deep connection with some people that don’t have any similarity with you. My advice to this is find people who have the same values/common interests with you, so you both guys can enjoy activities while you guys were doing some common interest activities.
we have a group text chat thats used daily; mostly arguing about basketball, which really can be a year round hobby. but also extends to current events roe v wade, shootings, etc
Nah mate youre fine dw.
A problem might be that youre looking for friends rather than a community. Its far easier to exist within a group of like minded individuals in one easy to access place like a messenger group or a discord server, especially if youve all got 1 thing in common.
Im a part of 3 main groups: a yugioh group i met in uni; my housemates; and an online group who i original knew via league of legends although weve all left the game by now.
Find a hobby youre looking to get properly into – find a group of people who primarily interact with eachother through that medium – youll end up talking about things outside the hobby and eventually no longer need the hobby as a starter.