what can a woman do to make it clear that she only wants friendship and actually get that boundary respected without getting sexualized or dropped as a friend?

38 comments

  1. Just say it once. If they still don’t understand, they’re pieces of shits. That simple.

  2. If some guy sees you in a romantic sense and you don’t feel the same waythen it’s probably in both your best interests not to be friends

  3. If you’re looking for different things then drop the dead weight. If they’re not looking for friendship you’re not going to force them into it.

  5. The issue is some guys aren’t looking to be friends with women, so if it is one of those guys, nothing. If it is not one of those guys, by just being clear and saying you don’t want to date or have a relationship with him.

  6. You don’t.

    He can’t force you to be in a relationship with him.

    You can’t force him to be in a friendship with you either.

  10. Be a mind reader, only make friends with gay guys or guys who are taken and fully monogamous and committed.

    Only make friends in group contexts with guys who desexualize their friend groups and thoroughly vet that he views her as much of a sexual entity as a bowl of oatmeal before taking the friendship one on one.

    I suppose if you’re OK with a guy wanting to date you as long as he doesn’t want to fuck you, you could expand that pool out to asexual dudes.

  11. You can’t. Most men don’t want women as friends. We have enough friends already, and women have more special needs and restrictions as friends than guys do. There isn’t any real benefit to men there.

    Generally the only way it works is if the guy thinks the girl is ugly. Then they can be friends.

  14. You will get dropped as in their eyes, they never were “a friend” but instead “courting”.

    Unless you’re family, extended family or co-workers, never expect that someone you just met just wants to be friend.

    Either you wanted to get in their pants or them in yours. It’s only women that think that men being turned down will become friends.

    Spoiler : unless they dropped you, they’re still pinning for you and will do so until you drop them or they drop you when they set their aim on someone else when they finally get it’ll never happen.

  15. In terms of making it clear what you want – *use your words*.

    For the other thing- if we can assume you’re not irresistible, and are also reliable and a good time – you would want to be more valuable as a friend than a romantic interest.

    For example, most of my close personal female friends are friends because of sunscreen and booze. Sure they’re attractive, but we already had that talk/did that, and I’m not going to annoy a friend who will pick me up from the golf course at 3:30 and take us for pizza, or let me bring random girls back to her place because it’s closer to the bar – that’s a friend you keep.

  16. If you get dropped as a friend because you only want to be friends then he clearly doesn’t want to be your friend. The good news is that your boundary will now be respected because you’re dropped.

  17. Ok first set the boundary and be honest. That is the only sure way. That includes being uncomfortable with sexualized behavior.

    Now hers is where it gets sticky.

    Do NOT expect them to remain friends. You will get dropped. Men rarely just pursue honest friendships with women. That is the reality.

    They will appear to be your friend but make no mistake they are gunning for either sex, or a relationship. Once it becomes obvious they aren’t getting either, all interest in you will stop. Contact will slow if not disappear all together.

    Now as always, there will be some exceptions. By happenstance you may meet one of those rare men that will prefer just a friendship. But the overall majority will disappear in you the moment they realize they have no shot with you.

  19. Just say that you only want friendship and aren’t comfortable with them pushing for more. If they push anyway, they are not your friend so stop being friends with them.

    But you can’t make them stay friends with you. If they decide that they can’t stay friends with you because of how they feel, then you should respect their boundaries and go your separate ways.

  20. >or dropped as a friend?

    So you want to force people to be your friend? Money maybe?

  21. You can’t do anything. They’ll either respect it or they won’t, that’s up to them and who they are as a person.

  22. If you set a boundary early enough… You will only be dropped if you aren’t interesting as a friend. Compare the types of things you each like to do or talk about. If they aren’t the same, you will probably bore him and he was pretending interest for romantic reasons.

    This doesn’t mean you are a bore… It means you have different interests. When I’m attracted to a woman… I’ll feel interested in what she likes because that’s part of the pursuit. Take away the chance for romance and there is no way I’m ever going to go do 95% of what my female friends are interested in…. But the ones that love food and discussing psychology find common ground with me and we stick together for that.

  23. You’re totally within your right to reject his romantic advances.

    Just like he’s totally within his right to focus his efforts on more promising prospects.

  25. You’re never going to be friends. Please stop trying for the sake of both of you.

  26. Honestly? Make friends with guys who are already in exclusive relationships.

  27. Let’s get one thing straight, you don’t actually know this person “as a friend”. You know him as someone who’s being extra caring and attentive to you with the hope of having a relationship. So when you say that you want to “keeep being friends” what you’re really saying is that you want him to keep giving you all the attention and care as if he was courting you, but actually give him nothing in return. And that he should keep doing this indefinitely *because*.

  28. Virtually nothing. You can’t control what goes on inside the minds of men. And what tends to go on in there is the idea that most women are potential sex partners. And being friendly or affectionate just opens the door a little wider.

    The only way a guy won’t entertain thoughts about sex with you is if he is not interested in you physically. That’s it.

  29. Nothing.

    You can’t force a friendship out of him nor can he force a relationship out of you.

  30. Tell the guy what you want. As far as not having dropping you there’s nothing you can do. That’s his decision. He may just find it to difficult to be “just friends “.

  34. Can’t be a friend with the opposite sex when there is attraction, it will always be there.

  35. Only be friends with women. You will never find a straight man that doesn’t sexualize you at some point.

  38. You can’t force a friendship. If he was only interested in you in a romantic or sexual way, then he never actually wanted to be your friend in the first place and there isn’t much you can do.

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