Before asking me to be his girlfriend officially, my now-boyfriend used to flirt with other girls.

This is my first reddit post and I don’t know how this works. But I’ll try to let my feelings out anyway.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating since November 2020 but it was just November of last year when He(M24) and I(F24) became official. Things have not been smooth sailing because I feel like this relationship is mostly built on my efforts. Early on the relationship I would drive for him and I since I was the one with car while he was the one who would pay for dates. That’s great— kinda fair.

Months passed after we started dating, I was really keen on asking him when He would ask me officially to be his girlfriend. For additional context, we were wilding. *wink wink* and to add, I was his first SEXperience. So that kinda made me more attached hence the asking for LABEL.

My asking for commitment from him went on for months. Just when I was about to leave because we were already exclusively dating for a year, he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes— even after discovering months prior (August 2021) that he was speaking to one of his playmates in his online game on Discord. Now this did not escalate much because I spoke to him about it and he told me it was nothing and that he won’t be speaking to the girl again. So…. Ok.

JUST RECENTLY, as I was scrolling thru his phone with his permission, I saw messages from his facebook messenger that lasted up until late October of 2021. This is the same girl that I found out on August of 2021. They called each other terms of endearment and was always playing til past midnight and communicating personal stuff for the duration of those 2 months. They never met. Just spoke with each other online and even video chatting.

Note that this is the incident i consider major since what I found a week earlier than this finding was just a short exchange of messages on January 2021. I just shrugged it off since we were just starting and they never even met.

Ever since I found out about what he did before entering in a relationship OFFICIALLY, I am now always paranoid and anxious on whatever he’s doing. He gave me his password for Facebook for me to monitor his doings but I don’t think it’s working. There are other forms of social medias and I think the main problem is that there’s an issue with trust and I don’t see him making up for what he did. He said sorry and that’s it.

Is it wrong that there are still times when I bring the issue back up? He feels pissed when I bring it up randomly and ask him questions about it but for me it’s just plain asking and looking for assurance and security.

I don’t know why I’m even letting myself feel this kind of pain. I love him but I don’t know if I should just let it pass or do I take it as something the universe gave me as a sign to get outta here. Hehehe :<

NEED YOUR INSIGHTS. THANKS!