He is my first ever love, first ever boyfriend, first ever truest, so compatible best friend (vice versa). Never in my life have I ever felt so intensely about someone but him. This is probably why it took me 21 years to finally let someone call me their girlfriend.
It was only a week and a half after our one-year together… and then he cheated on me. He cheated on me with a woman much more beautiful than me. Her face was better, ass, chest, everything.
It took him 3 days after the fact to admit to what he did. I was so at a loss.
I eventually did take him back again, because his remorse, regret, and guilt seemed genuine. He promised me all the right things and stayed true to them since.
But every day is a truly painful reminder of how much it hurts. Every day is a reminder that I’ll never look like *that* woman he cheated on me with.
My confidence in myself and with him before this was so so healthy. Insecurities were practically nonexistent. Now, things made a 180 and my confidence is practically a 0, and my insecurities are at an all-time high. It’s life-changing.
Yesterday, he tried to boost my self-confidence and tried to say, “Look at how fat that ass is.” The only thing I could let out was a fake, little smile. Because right then and there, the first & only thing I thought to myself was, “Not as fat as hers though.”
I’d rather not give up on us yet. I think I’d like to seek individual therapy. Would this even help me though? Are there other steps I can take to not allow my insecurities to eat away at me?
TL;DR My boyfriend cheated on me with a very beautiful woman. Beautiful face, curves, everything. Since then, I’ve been comparing myself to her and women who look similar. My insecurities were nonexistent before the incident. It’s at an all-time high now. Everything my boyfriend tries to compliment still makes me feel like I’m not good enough (as her). I just compare and compare. I’m looking towards individual therapy, because I don’t want to give up yet… Is there anything else I can do?
8 comments
I’m gonna give you a little tough love. Do you LIKE feeling like this? Probably not. Do you know how to make it so you don’t feel like this? Leave.
“Look how fat that ass is.” That’s the best he’s got? What a tool. You can do so much better.
A relationship is supposed to improve an already good thing, not destroy it.
Also, a best friend doesn’t do what he did.
Tell him. You should be able to tell him anytime you’re feeling insecure and he should be able to say “I’m sorry, I was a POS, you’re more beautiful snd I love you” and he should be working every day to address and make up for it. It’s nice he told you himself. But it takes years to move past cheating.
Like the fact everything was so perfect and he still cheated? Fucking a man.
Idk, I think moving last cheating is possible but do you understand why he cheated? Because if you guys were happy, it was only because she was hot and available. And he needs to explain how it won’t happen again and needs to tell you daily how you’re actually too fucking good for him lol
And honestly, might sound weird, but I’m a fan of weird therapies. Would it make you feel better to be able to make a dating profile and have guys hit on you or to sleep with another dude? I think you’re fair to ask if s9 and he’s kinda an ass if he says no lol
*his remorse, regret and guilt seemed geniune*.
This ain’t gonna be nice to hear, but I think you need to hear it. Cheating isn’t something that just happens in a split second and it’s a “whoops I shouldn’t have done that.” there’s a whole preamble of flirting, touching, kissing… Working your way up to being comfortable enough to be intimate with someone. This happened. He knew he had you at home, meanwhile he’s kissing and feeling on someone else it got to the point where they both stripped off and had sex. And sex isn’t over in a minute (typically). So the whole while they’re fucking and he either A: didn’t think about you at all or B: thought about you but didn’t give a shit anyway. He then came on or inside her, probably cuddled for a bit and parted ways, at any point in this tango between them, he could have come to his senses and stopped. He didn’t.
He then went back to you after a few days and admitted he did this to you. Then feigned guilt and remorse. Where was his guilt and remorse when he was inside someone else?
Now you’ve put pressure on YOURSELF thinking *you* are not enough for *him*. Your ass isn’t fat enough, you’re not as pretty as she is, you’ll never be like her. Instead of doing what you should have done which is pack his things, tell him to gtfo and block him on everything. First love or not, you’re 22 years old. You are at the prime of your life and there are quite literally millions of people out there who aren’t douchebags who would disrespect you so callously and expect you to take them back. There are people out there that are respectful and loyal.
Don’t disrespect yourself like that, don’t be a doormat. You never see yourself as others see you, you may feel that the other woman is x, y and z. But there will be a man out there that see’s you as the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
I see my best friend as much more beautiful than me, she’s slimmer than I am, bigger boobs and bum, attractive etc. But my boyfriend looks at me like I’m the only girl who exists on the planet. And doesn’t find her attractive, because you know what. People have different preferences, different things they find attractive. Don’t compare yourself to other people, there is only one of you and you deserve to be treated for the wonderful individual you are.
If you take him back, and continue to put the pressure on yourself all you will do is feel shitty about yourself and chances are if he’s done it before, he will do it again.
Don’t give him that opportunity. He’s not worth your tears.
Just break up. He cheated.
You say that he is so perfect, but it doesnt sound like you have a real basis for comparison. Maybe he is just all you know and there is comfort in familiarity. Cheating is not what a good partner does, no matter how good looking the other woman might be.
Maybe you guys need to break up and spend some time apart and both of you freely date other people. You may find other men who are much better for you than your current boyfriend.
If you’re staying with someone at the expense of your own happiness and mental health, regardless of the remorse, you’ll never be happy. You may want to forgive, but you may not be able to and you should probably stop forcing yourself before your self-esteem plummets entirely, which will take years of hard work to recover. No guy is worth it, never. Put yourself first and do what’s best for you. Yes, he’s your first love, it’s super hard to even imagine not being with him, but you need to put yourself first and remember that dating is seeing who fits you-in terms of goals, values etc ..this guy ain’t it if he was ready to do this and risk your relationship, your health (I hope you got tested after his fuck up, you want to make sure that you’re in the clear, don’t trust what he says on the topic, go get tested, be responsible).
i know i may sound pessimistic, but people don’t change, ever. just dump him. go out, get to know new people, make friends, have fun. maybe you’ll find someone better than him- and you’ll gain your confidence back. i know that out there there is someone who deserves you more than him!