Okay so I’m not even sure if this is the right community to ask this in but one of my fuck buddies has a girlfriend (found out on Facebook he is all over her Facebook and she’s on non of his socials so I didn’t know until now) there technical long distance since work makes him travel so much but he is a friend from hs so whenever we end up in the same town we link up. Am I obligated to tell her? I really hate drama hince why I have fuck buddies not a boyfriend but since she’s so sweet on him on socal I feel kinda guilty about not telling her. And obviously I am going to cut it off.
39 comments
If you were her would you want to know?
Tell her. Show evidence if possible. Protecting her from the other trash he’s slept with and the STDs he’s picked up along the way
Well as a rule of sum I think it’s good that you cut it off because It didn’t see. like something you were okay with or agreed to from the sounds of it from the beginning. In situations like this I say do whatever feels right because no two are in the like, though if I was in your shoes I would definitely tell her. ‘Cause if she finds out later he’s definitely going to side with her and throw you under the bus and you’re gonna still deal with the drama either way if it gets to that but that’s just where it can go in my two cents like I said you do whatever you think is best for you
I wouldn’t tell her solely to absolve myself of guilt, her reaction may not be what you’re expecting. There are also safety concerns that come with this type of news. I’d cut things off and maybe even threaten him with telling her that he’s a cheater. I’m sure she’d prefer the opportunity to hear it from him. “Hey girl, I’m a stranger but I slept with your man. I’m leaving him since I found out about you though” ouch.
Just tell her anonymously.
Yeah, I would tell him straight to his face I was telling her, give him an hour to tell her himself, and then I would tell her.
I’ve told my brother once when his girl was cheating on him and his response was to fight me over it so just keep in mind she may get aggressive towards you especially since you’re the other girl. Really just depends on her personality and how mature she handles situations etc.
If you don’t like drama, don’t. Cut things off with him, if you’re not happy. Leave their relationship alone. It’s not your battle.
I was on the receiving end of this news recently. As much as it was horrendous to hear, I’m grateful that I didn’t waste another 2 years of my life with someone who blatantly didn’t love me the way I loved him.
I will say that I can’t unsee the screenshots she sent me and I randomly cry when I remember some of the things I read so maybe keep that in mind and don’t send her anything too graphic.
Also, remember that yes, he lied to you, but it’s her that has been betrayed. She thinks she is in a committed relationship, she has invested a lot in him so try to avoid mentioning how upset or angry or whatever you are feeling and just convey the facts, let her know you’re sorry and had no idea he was in a couple until just now.
Be prepared for him to accuse you of being “a psycho who is obsessed with him and trying to ruin his life because you can’t have him” which seems to be the default defense in these situations.
Personally, would tell the ex-fuck buddy that they should tell their partner, maybe after a week(whatever time you think is best), maybe contact their partner to see if they did.
Ya it’ll make some drama, but they deserve to know, no one deserves to have a partner cheat behind their back.
It’s up to you whether you tell the partner, give the ex-fuck buddy a chance to tell them, or just leave and never talk to talk to them.
absolutely not…… mind your own business
Nope because they both turn on you and Stockholm syndrome is a real thing.
Stay out of it.
If you MUST, gather evidence and do it ANONYMOUSLY. If they know it’s you, they’ll both turn. It gets nasty.
Anonymous or nothing
tell her!! and if you really are worried about drama ask her to make up a fake source to leave your name out of it
If you’re cutting him off then just leave it. You don’t even know her. I know justice demands him to get screwed over for cheating on her but it doesn’t have to be you who does that. If he’s cheating with you he’s cheating with others too so he will eventually get done in by himself. Just walk away and don’t get embroiled in someone else’s mess. It puts a target on your back. Imagine the worst case scenario.
You get shot by him because you ruined his life.
You get shot by her because she can’t accept it or is so deeply in love with him she thinks everything will be fine if she gets rid of you.
Rumours spread amongst your social circle that you and him were cheating behind her back, now your reputation is damaged. (If he is your hs friend then I assume you have mutual friends)
From a rational perspective, the benefits do not outweigh the risks. Just move on.
I think it’s best to take action in your own life
The only people who tell, are people who want to end up with that person and bump them out of the Venn diagram. I’d never do that.
I just knew. She got married with in the month, and her car and all of her stuff is still at my house. The only reason she was mad, was because I caught her before she was ready to move out. 🤣
In a similar situation now, but the guy ignored all warnings about the girl he was dating anyways etc. Thinking about doing it anonymously as people here recommend. At least no one gets mad at you and you still stay out of it
If you feel uncomfortable with the situation YOU are in, just end it, do not mess things up between other people
You should 100% tell her. He involved you in his personal business the moment he chose to cheat on his girlfriend. It’s also not your responsibility to worry about how she reacts to you. Deliver the information, leave your emotions out of it and reassure the girl that you plan on cutting off all contact. (Which you should absolutely do regardless of the outcome.) Prepare for the possibility that they are in an open relationship, and that you may be giving her irrelevant information, but at the same time do you want to be FWB someone who is also in an open relationship?
I think you should tell her – wether it’s anonymous or not. If he’s cheating on her with you, and he travels for work, I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s also sleeping with other women.
Absolutely.
Yes. Full stop.
I’ve done it before and he knew that I knew it was me that told her. They’re still together. Tell her tho.
My personal policy is I will tell somebody they’re being cheated on once. If they choose to stay with the person after that and get cheated on again, I’m not saying anything a second (or third or fourth time). Additionally, if somebody I know has told me they’ve been cheated on already by their current partner, I won’t say anything if I know they’re still getting cheated on. Everybody has the right to know they’re being cheated on that initial time so they can make an informed decision… but if they choose to stay it’s not everyone else’s problem to continually tell them. Usually, in those cases, it just creates a situation where the person sides with the cheating partner rather than the person telling them the truth.
The question isn’t “if” it’s “how”. Period.
I agree with anonymously. Though that is tough as you can’t exactly provide proof if you do it that way. She will want proof. Messenger is the bad guy, in rare cases not but with something like this I’d just brace for impact.
I dated someone for MONTHS who turned out to be married. Their spouse had not in fact died of cancer, they actually survived it and were working full time as a nurse. That was lovely. A friend of mine found a Facebook account and I did reach out. I told them I had NO FRIGGIN IDEA, I apologized profusely. Ended things of course. At first they were “ok” as much as you’d expect hearing this news. It wasn’t just a fling they person was making future plans with me. I’m trying to do my best to answer her questions and reassure her I’ve ended it (I had. Despite getting constant messages begging me to forgive and not cut ties) all while dealing with it myself. I was not just crushed but it was a mind fuck it had gone on so long. Realizing their mom had not had a heart attack, it was a lie to explain being away. So. Many. Lies. It took the spouse all of 24 hours to turn on me. I was the dirty POS that must have trapped their spouse. I just let them say their peace and blocked. Friend told me they were still together months later. Apparently cheating was a regular thing for them.
This girl might not even leave the guy. But I say always do the right thing so down the line, if you’re ever in her position the universe remembers what you did and hopefully does the same for you. The older I get the more I realize the pain I go through is me being in someone else’s shoes. Shoes I might not of given much thought to in the past or done the right thing concerning. I end up learning though lol
Ya morally you need to tell her. I was the other dude and never got the chance to tell him but I would. Just do it quick then don’t contact them anymore to avoid drama since you never know how they’ll take it. But even if they deny it, it’s in the back of their head now.
Tell her anonymously
Yes, tell her. He is potentially putting her at risk of STIs (not saying you have them) but, there may be others, as well as not allowing her to find someone who is 100% there for her.
Tell her, with proof is possible, wish her the best and move on, you are not responsible for how she reacts.
Tell her and get tested, chances are that you two aren’t the only people he’s sleeping with
I mean….. id wanna know…. Shes basically wasting all this time with someone she will prob break up with once she finds out. You could help her waste a lot less time and pain
Long story short, YES You should tell them or you are a partner in the crime
Please tell her. If this guy is fucking around with you, who knows how many other people he has previously/is currently sleeping with. Both you and this woman need to get tested for STDs asap. You can tell her anonymously or something, but please do it. If she reacts poorly, or doesn’t believe you, oh well. At least you have done your due diligence to warn her.
If I was her, I would definitely want to know, as much as it would hurt.
A lot of people in LDRs are in open relationships. Are you sure that’s not what’s happening?
I think people have the right to know so they don’t waste time loving someone who treats them like shit, and even if they end up not leaving them, at least they’re there out of choice rather than because they’ve been kept in the dark. From personal experience it’s a really shitty message to receive, and there’s potential for them to either not believe you or not want to believe you and allow themselves to be convinced you’re the liar by their partner. So I think just be really clear with what’s happened and that you don’t want drama etc, and obvs be sensitive to the fact they’ll find it painful
Honestly i would tell her. I would hate for someone to know if I’d get cheated on and not tell me anything.
Make it anonymously and show tangible proof if possible. She might not believe it.
Well…I generally go with no to this type of question these days.
In your situation he could make you out to be some “crazy person who is obsessed with him”.
In the past when I have told people their partners were cheating, even with photographic evidence, they did not believe me (this happened on 2 separate occasions), and did not want to believe a “random stranger”.
In another situation the guy got himself out of it by saying that someone made a fake profile of him to ruin his life, despite the fact that it was literally him and nobody would even *want* to pretend to be him. I know the dude from high school, he is a piece of shit and now he is out on fetish websites trying to cheat on his wife that he hasn’t even been married to for a year who is also carrying his child.
Obviously I do not know the guy you are talking about, so its wrong of me to pass judgment off on him. But if he is willing to cheat, then he has already made up his stories so he could get them straight if he was ever “caught”.
Personally, I’d tell her. Show her screenshots of conversations so he can’t twist it and say you’re lying.
If you’re worried about drama just block her from messaging you afterwards
As a female, I would say yes let her know and let her know that you terminated your relationship with her as soon as you found out about her.
It would be different if they were married and had children and you could possibly mess up a family.
However in this case I think you’re doing her a favor and letting her know she’s involved with a habitual cheater before she gets pregnant or marries him.
If you do tell her, you need to probably do so in a way that provides some form of proof so she has no doubt you are telling the truth. If she asks you to provide details, do it for her own piece of mind so he can’t Gaslight her and tell her you’re just crazy.
I have been in this situation myself and honestly I was not being mean or Petty. I just literally thought of myself in her situation being clueless trusting this guy, so I told her because I would want another woman to tell me.