Late last year, I caught my wife sending some raunchy video to a guy on Snapchat, I immediately confronted her but she pleaded with me that it was a mistake being drunk the night before, even though I was a little suspicious of her cover-up line out of trust, I believed her. However, in April, I discovered my wife started lying about her movement, I paid close attention and started monitoring her movement.
Last week, she told me she will be going to work for a client, believed her but when I checked I discover she went into a hotel, I followed her and saw her parked beside a car of a guy that is familiar, but in annoyance and allowing my emotion to take over me, I didn’t wait for both of them to come down, I took a picture of the cars and sent it to her like a caught. To my surprise, they flipped the story on me and told me the guy wasn’t the one that came with the car but her sister she later came down with a lady but I’m sure it’s all a plot twist. I asked her if she has talked to him recently and she denied they are not in contact. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and argument for over 3days until I was able to pinpoint that in fact, she has been calling this guy for almost eight or more months off-grid without my knowledge she in fact called his number before heading to the hotel but claimed she only contact his sister through him which I still find very hard to believe.
When I confronted her with the facts, she Immediately declare she hide the friendship from me because I’m a jealous husband and because I’m not comfortable with her having male friends claiming all that ever exist between them is a casual business friendship. I know such a coincidence to meet the same guy at the hotel chance is slim if the sister has brought the car.
Did more research and it happened it was the same guy she was sexualizing on Snapchat, the one she initially sent the raunchy videos she claimed was a mistake. I know a lot has gone down behind me I just don’t have concrete evidence. She accept he cheated on me by only talking to the guy without my consent but something keep telling me that’s not true.
Have been going through emotional pains for the past few days, knowing the truth but still having to struggle with believing her. We have a daughter together that I love but cheating has always been the last bar I’ll accept in my marriage. I know we used to argue sometime a lot and it’s been confrontational one time, but I don’t want to believe this is my fault.
I don’t know what to do from here because if I call it to quit I stand the chance of not getting my green card and subsequently not becoming a citizen of USA.
She still wants us in the same bed, but I just can’t sleep beside her anymore causing me sleep deprivation.
18 comments
Dude, how much more concrete evidence do you need?
If you have to follow her and track her location it’s over anyway.
Yes she cheated. I would start by telling her that either she confesses or you will tell all her friends and family as well as your daughter. If the guy has a wife i would get her number as well.
Sometimes and honestly sometimes suck up
The reason I say that is you are certain no one will get you to think she did not do it
Get more proof
Get your green card (hence the suck up)
Divorce or separate
You at least can be in your daughters life
Godspeed
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Struggle with believing her ? Facts don’t like.
Make your choice based on what you know, not what she says, as she has proven herself to be an unreliable witness.
You need sleep, and you need to see a lawyer to ensure you understand your options and that your rights to your assets and access to your daughter are protected.
If you can proof she is cheating USCIS will still give you the green card.
She’s cheating, but you know that already. I’d wait to do anything until you’re secure and have your green card. Make sure you protect your future. Pretend everything is normal if you want, form a quiet plan, and leave when you’re able. It must be very painful, I’m sorry.
Your marriage is already over. How long until you get your green card? If it’s a few months, then you can probably survive that long before you get divorced. If it’s years, then man, ***life is short***. Your long-term happiness comes from the people in your life, not your passport.
Act like everything is fine and drop her the second you get your green card. If you act now, you risk of the chance of potentially having to live in a different country, away from your daughter. Don’t let her win.
You definitely have concrete evidence. But if I were you, I would still run out the clock until you get your green card.
First call is to your attorney. Dont let the sun set before speaking with your attorney. Follow what he says. Do not speak with her about it at all. Of you have to speak to her focus on the weather.
Look up grey rock method
https://www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking
https://www.blunt-therapy.com/how-to-gray-rock-method-a-narcissist/
Next thing is to plan your getaway. Don’t tell her. Just be boring and try to tolerate seeing her without letting her know you are planning your escape from her. When your attorney tells you OK then bounce with no words at all. Just leave and cut strings. Only communication should be with your attorney at that point
“but cheating has always been the last bar I’ll accept in my marriage.”
Right here – this is what not only needs to be established at the beginning of the relationship/marriage, but if it does happen, it needs to be enforced!!
Sorry OP – you have all the evidence – she is in denial. I would not be in that same bed, but use the couch to get that green card…and then blow out like the wind.
Just stay until you get the green card and leave her cheating ass
Get your green card my man. She gonna use you? Use her. Then decide what to do.
Are waiting on your conditional green card or the 10 year ?
Look since you are waiting for your green card i would start to not care about her at all and focus on yourself and your daughter this will be good prep work when you leave her…act single
She is cheating and she does not seem willing to change her behavior. Nap your marriage is over. I would stick around though to get your green card. Leave after you get it. She is using you so you my as well use her too. Wear a condom if you have sec with her again in case she has a sexually transmitted disease.