My bf (27M) and I (26F) had a big blow out on fourth of July. While we apologized to each other the next morning, I could tell that we both felt uneasy and unhappy. He asked if I would come over that night for dinner and I agreed. I came by, we both seemed deflated but continued like nothing happened. We made dinner together and sat down to watch our tv show then went to bed. There is definitely still some residual tension and awkwardness- my bf doesn’t want to cuddle and sleeps with his back to me on the bed.
I’m personally very exhausted and don’t feel like talking would help since it was one of those agree-to-disagree arguments and it seems like the feeling is mutual. But I also know that we can’t just stay in this state either. How can I help make things better? Are there any relationship exercises or advice?
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If you feel like everything been talked about then try doing something nice for him and showing that you aren’t resentful or dislike him, paint him a picture or bake home something he likes, get a reservation to dinner at a place that’s special to yall- the awkwardness will pass if you treat him like you still love him
Your bf sounds a bit like me, give me 1 or 2 days he might be a bit mad right now but eventually he will move on.
Try to talk with him maybe but dont pressure him that much.
So your argument didn’t come to a resolution aside from agree to disagree? Sometimes this is fine, but it doesn’t work if the argument was over something fundamental to one or both parties.
It kinda sounds like you’d be happy to go back to normal but he’s still upset by the argument. Was your disagreement possibly over something that’s pretty important to him? He might still be processing how to deal with the new insight he’s gained into your relationship.
Maybe the topic of the argument wasn’t such a big deal and he just isn’t over it. Was something said during the argument that he’s still hurt about? I don’t know, this sounds like it could use a little more investigating.
If I get frustrated or upset the last thing I want is to snuggle up to my partner in bed. He totally understands that and gives me space. Maybe your partner needs a little more space, although the fact that it’s been a few days now says to me that there’s something else going on than just not quite being over it.
Edit to fix a word
I find it helps to never sleep on an argument, if a resolution or understanding can be made the same day, the resolution will stay in mind rather than the argument when you have “bed time thoughts”
To help clear the air if there’s tension. Sex is a very good and healthy way to release any aggression or any negative feelings to wash them away and to reform the connection you both have.
It works for me and my partner. Communication is always key, always takes time to navigate this certain circumstances in a relationship also.
Hope this helps and doesn’t sound like nonsense
If I’m sleeping with my back to someone and they continue to ask me for comfort, they usually get kicked. Sorry not sorry lol. They knew the rules before we fell asleep.
Do something nice for him. Can be something simple like sharing an article about a topic you know he enjoys. Offer to help him with something, like slicing a tomato if he’s in the kitchen making a sandwich or something.
It doesn’t need to be a big display of affection, would actually recommend against that. Just small signs that you care for him and that you’re invested in him.
Once the tension has died down, it’ll be a good time to review the fight, what caused it, and how it could have been dealt with better.
Get a nice day rest and eat. Then talk how they are feeling
A day or two is reasonable after a big fight. I suggest you do something fun together. Even if we don’t start out feeling like having fun, usually we are laughing after a bit and the hurt feelings fade.
Be willing to be the one to do the work and forgive / forget first, and hope you find someone who does the same. Love and relationships are hard work. It won’t always feel fair or right, but it is worth it as long as the good days far outweigh the bad.
You’re still arguing. It’s like the steps to having an addiction. First denial than acceptance etc. Right now you both need to accept that you don’t agree. That clearly your argument was meaningful to both and therefore you’re wrong, his wrong, you’re both wrong. The resolution is to talk it out and most likely compromise. Also don’t compromise in well I believe my thing and he believes his thing and that’s that. If you compromise like that it’s not really a compromise it’s just meh. You need to have him understand you and in return to understand him. If you know why you each think the way you do its easier to be like ok how do we move on now. Also as my own personal advice have sex, like it doesn’t solve the problem but make up sex can bring you closer to each other. Yes, it’s just physical, but it can break down those emotional walls. Don’t have sex to solve the problem or if the problem is about sex. Do it to relieve the pressure from the argument and to bring you closer to each other through mutual physical attraction.
It strongly depends on what the argument was about.
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What was the argument about?
I would say ask him, casually bring up “Hey, after an argument do you prefer space, do you need time, do you mind physical affection, is there an activity or something that helps you feel better? Personally I really don’t mind some physical affection even after an argument because it helps…” or something along those lines/relevant to you.
It’ll let him know you’ve been thinking about dissuading the situation, acknowledging the tension, and that you’re thinking about his needs. It’ll also let him know what you expect/ prefer after an argument for future times and not to interpret you trying to cuddle as maybe pretending nothing is wrong or whatever he may be thinking. Everyone has different boundaries and needs after an argument; things they aren’t comfortable with..