I had caught my husband seeking other women and lying about being married with them.
That night I found out, i was heartbroken and his family (mother and 3 sisters) all kept constantly calling me at 2am and sending me messages. They also kept calling and messaging my parents at odd hours of the night. They were trying to convince me thst my husband is such a good man and I shouldn’t break his heart. And told my mother that my husband has so many women waiting to marry him.
I kindly told them that I’d appreciate it if they’d stop calling me and sending me messages as I needed time to reflect on this. I had to request this twice. they told me okay and that I could take my time and make my decision.
We have a family group on whatsapp with my parents and siblings and them, and a few days later they left the group, and I don’t know why.
A week later my husband tells me that I told his sisters that i did a birthday surprise for him just to catch him cheating, when I had never even mentioned anything about the surprise to him or his family. They also told him that I told them that my husband hit me when I never said such a thing.
A few weeks later I sent them each some holiday greetings, they replied very coldly not how they usually replied and others did not reply at all. I also spoke to them on the phone in my husband’s presence to give them the holiday greeting and their tone was quite cold.
A few days later my husband tells me I should call his family. And I asked why. He said because they think we both (my husband and i) are not speaking to each other and when I had asked then for space when they kept calling and messaging me they took it in a wrong way.
I told my husband that I’m already sending them messages and speaking to them on the phone, so what am I suppose to do? Then he said he just wants my family and his family to have our weekly call (we used to do a weekly call altogether and play games etc)
So I said okay. And I asked him each week if we’d do the call but he always said his family was busy so I eventually stopped asking and we haven’t had our fsmily call as yet since this whole incident happened.
I have to travel for my sister in laws wedding and stay with my mother in law and sister in laws in their apartment.
I really don’t want to but I know I have to as I’m doing it for my husband (yeah he cheated but he’s working on earning my trust back and we are in marriage counseling).
From this whole experience I’ve learnt that his family is extremely toxic.
I know his fsmily will want to argue about everything (last time i went before the incident there was a new drama in their home literally everyday) and also I know they will act coldly and rude with me.
How do you suggest I handle the situation?
3 comments
Can you have a good talk with your husband? He needs to have your back, support you and put his mom in her place.
And it’s ok to need space. Maybe it’s better, for you as an individual and for you as a couple, to have a hotelroom. So the 2 of you can have a break, from normal life, from his family if needed.
This can be something you need to be able to reconcile. And he needs to make an effort to try to make this possible as much as possible. He is given a gift, he better treat it that way!
Both him and his family is toxic. And it will never change. I would go stay in a hotel and not be with them and I would be making plans to leave your husband too because he’s one of em.
There’s no reason you can’t get a hotel. There’s no reason you can’t rent a car.
They shouldn’t have involved themselves in your relationship. If anyone asks what’s going on, just tell them things have been weird since they tried to manipulate you into forgetting you were cheated on. That’ll shut everyone right up.