I (M18) recently (3-4 months ago) got out of a long-term relationship and rebounded with another girl (F19). We hit it off immediately and it seemed like things were going well… until they weren’t. Whilst on her period, she was incredibly horny and was very keen on having sex. I’ve never had unprotected period sex, not even with my ex. So – I politely told her I didn’t feel comfortable doing so whilst she was on her period. My reasons are pretty simple: it seems messy and i’m incredibly squeamish when touching another person’s blood (disease fear). I offered to wear protection as a compromise, but this resulted in her getting incredibly upset – stating she did it with all her exes and they never had a problem. Eventually she agreed to do it with protection, but later announced she wasn’t feeling up to it and we didn’t have sex; I left that night with her refusing to say goodbye.
Should I have been more open to having period sex? Is sacrificing my comfort for her benefit worth it in this case or not?
43 comments
Comfort is important, amd boundaries!
Edit, good rule of thumb is thinking about it from the other side, should a girl be upset is guy wants unprotected sex on her period while she doesn’t feel comfortable with it? Everyone can feel uncomfortable
You stick to your guns. If you don’t want to do unprotected sex which is very sensible then don’t do it
If she can’t/won’t respect your boundaries regardless of what she’s done with other people, then maybe she isn’t the person for you
i (f18) haven’t done that with my boyfriend because surely when he’ll take out his dick there’ll be period blood and i don’t want him to have that as respect. i don’t want anyone to have contact with something that comes out of my body, especially their penis. i find it disgusting
I don’t think it’s fair for the internet to look an 18 year old guy direct in the face and scold him for not being a little hesitant about period blood. If you aren’t open to it that’s fine, as along as you weren’t screaming in disgust and terror at the idea. And it’s not fair for the other person to throw and all out fit about it, you’re just setting boundaries and there isn’t anything wrong with that being a boundary for you.
If you will say you didnt want any sex ill think she really may feel upset. But protection is a good compeomise. Its like some girls for sure wont like to have Sex without it id your cock will be bleeding 🤷🏽♀️🍆
You’ve done nothing wrong. Imagine her logic applied to guy expecting deepthroat because all his exs done that. That wouldn’t fly, her shit shouldn’t either.
Your boundaries are fine. Some people are into it, and some aren’t, and both of those are perfectly okay.
Comparing you to her exes and what they liked is a non-argument; you aren’t them and not everyone wants the same things! If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t acquiesce unless it becomes something you *actually want.* If she can’t accept your boundary there, that is a problem.
Bullet dodged
My boyfriend doesn’t like the feeling of having blood on his penis , completely understandable and fair . He also doesn’t like the idea with messing with my body when it’s doing it’s thing . If she can’t accept the fact that it’s just mildly annoying that a few days out of the month you can’t have sex due to this she needs to rethink what is important to her in your relationship . Comparing you to her exes isn’t very fair either , everyone has their own preferences and things they like and don’t like . Some people don’t like blood . Not the end of the world .
Did she explain at all why you wanting to wear protection was a big deal to her? That seems like such a weird hill to die on, unless it’s specifically a fetish of hers or something.
You did nothing wrong. Nothing.
You explained your boundaries to her, and like a child she tried to manipulate you and guilt trip you into doing something you clearly expressed you werent up for.
And honestly, given your fear of diseases, its best you steer clear of not only unprotected sex unless you trust them 100% to be committed to you, and have each other tested, but also because (and this is from personal experience), period blood can affect the skin of your penis, irritating it to the point that the skin turns red for a few days and the skin peels off in flakes. Im sure this would mortify you, as it did to me when it happened the first time and im not a hypochondriac. The irritation goes away on its own after a couple days/weeks.
It’s not about sacrificing your comfort, it’s about her being absolutely disrespectful.
If you want to use protection, that is something you should stick to. It’s a serious matter and a serious decision that you should do based on your well informed and educated comfort levels.
A person that pushes you into doing anything sexual without your enthusiasm is committing what is called sexual coercion, and frankly, I don’t care whether it is intentional or not, it makes you feel shitty and confused and it’s abusive.
Now, my suggestion is that you talk to your girlfriend about this. Assert that your limits are your limits and she should respect them. Bargaining is off the table. You should treat her the same way of course.
We all have our boundaries. Some are hard, some are flexible. For example, I don’t really like doggy style, but I will do it for my bf. It’s not my favorite and I’d rather bang in a different position, but I’m willing to compromise and my bf loves it so much that his enthusiasm turns me on. However, I did not consent to doggy with every partner and it depends on the trust. On the other hand, choking is absolutely off the table. It’s a limit that I’m not willing to cross. Bf asked if he could choke me, I said no, I’m scared of it and feel super uncomfortable. He didn’t bring it up again. If he did, that would be so horrible cause that would mean that he was insisting on something that makes me feel bad. That’s not a caring and loving type of relationship and no trust can be built there.
I strongly advise you to talk to your gf about setting clear boundaries and how to respect them. She may just be clueless, cause you are young. However, if she is still insisting on stuff you say you’re not okay with, you need to leave and find a partner that respects you.
Best of luck.
she wants to do blood magic, that s why she s mad lol
Honestly period sex isn’t like a blood bath, there will be some don’t get me wrong, but it’s not noticeable imo. She should still respect your boundaries and she can still get pregnant on her period so the no protection thing is silly. I don’t think a partner should try to convince or force their partner to do something they don’t want to and guilt trip them afterwards.
>Should I have been more open to having period sex? Is sacrificing my comfort for her benefit worth it in this case or not?
Nope. You did the right thing. If she can’t compromise with that, then you can guess what other things she will not compromise to.
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To hell with her.
You can still ovulate on your period. Period doesn’t mean that you cannot get pregnant, you stuck to your guns and kept both of you safe. I completely understand being squeamish of blood. After having periods for the last 6 years, I’m used to it, but completely understand that to you, blood is blood, no matter where it came from. You kept both of you safe. Excellent job!
It’s your boundary, there’s nothing wrong with it.
My first question would be is she on birth control? Contrary to popular belief, you CAN get pregnant on your period.
Secondly, you are allowed to have boundaries. If you don’t want unprotected period sex, that’s fine. You have your reasons, that’s totally fine. Some guys just can’t handle seeing blood on their dick. My partner can’t, so we stick with other forms or shower sex if I’m on my period.
You said no; the proper response from her should have been “okay.” It’s ok for her to ask why but she still has to accept your “no.” Getting mad about it is not okay.
You don’t need to be a scientist to know that blood GREATLY increases risk of disease.
She’s being a jerk. Hopefully she shapes up.
Firstly, I presume you’re using condoms the rest of the time as a BC method- women can get pregnant on our periods too. So yeah if that was a concern at all, use a barrier method. Secondly I think it’s pretty shitty and immature of her to not even say goodbye to you because you didn’t want to do a specific sex act with her. Hate to say it but red flags there :/ there’s nothing wrong with your reasoning and your gf might be shocked to find out that plenty of guys don’t want to do that
>I offered to wear protection as a compromise, but this resulted in her getting incredibly upset – stating **she did it with all her exes** and they never had a problem.
…
I think you did the best you could in this situation. You are still figuring out what you like and don’t like and that’s ok. It’s not as if you flipped out and degraded her. I am so very proud of you for offering a compromise AND for not budging about using protection. As long as you are respectful it’s ok to express your likes and dislikes for sex. It’s healthy to do so.
P.s. sorry if I sound mom like,lol. I have two sons about your age. And since they were old enough to understand sex I have harped on them to always,always use condoms.
ALWAYS WEAR PROTECTION. You did the right thing.
My ex used to be kinda meh about period sex, so we compromised and used a condom. I wasn’t offended.
It’s not always super messy and nasty, though. Just fyi. Some days are, usually towards the beginning of the period. Those tend to be the heaviest days. But towards the end, it’s not really messier than regular sex.
I’m sure it probably varies by woman, too. But that was always my experience.
Don’t sleep with someone who tries to talk you out of using protection. Point blank. This is not someone you want to be intimate with
Not using a condom isn’t just sacrificing your comfort it’s also sacrificing your safety, condoms are for more than just pregnancy prevention. This has nothing to do with period sex in my opinion, and more just safe sex and respectful partners
Honestly the fact you have some disease fear yet are still willing to have period sex, is super mature and shows your growth and flexibility imo. She is throwing a fit like a two year old when you still agreed to have sex….
It’s hilarious that as an argument for you not to wear a condom she mentioned all the people she’s had unprotected sex with. I’d be like yeah now no matter what time of the month we’ll be using a condom
You really shouldn’t be having unprotected sex to begin with, period blood or not.
Stick to your guns.
She did it with her exs is exactly why you shouldn’t. Sti risk
No, you’re not obligated to do anything you’re not comfortable with. And if it upsets her that much, maybe you two aren’t compatible.
Also, comparing your current partner to your exes to extort some sexual act is pretty poor form. Actually comparing your current partner to an ex is just bad form in general. Don’t do that.
Since she’s a rebound and you guys haven’t been together for very long at all, you should be using protection everytime
Your biggest priority when having sex with new partners should be your safety which means protection really should be worn at all times until a discussion regarding exclusivity and STD tests has been had. Safety > pleasure.
You did nothing wrong. Her having loads of unprotected sex with MULTIPLE partners in the past is all the more reason for you to be careful and use a condom. STIs are a real danger and something like HIV (which she could’ve gotten from any of them) can destroy your life.
Stay safe brother.
you aren’t obligated to do it if you’re not comfortable and i think u offering to make a compromise was good. she should respect your boundaries as long as you’re also being respectful of her which it seemed like you were
As a grown woman- you see allowed to say no. To anything. For any reason. I’m sorry she had the reaction but that’s not the kind of partner you want.
You already tried to compromise which was great and most definitely more than enough. If that’s not enough for her then she needs to go, or accept that you aren’t ok w it
Coming from a 25 year old woman, your feelings are 100% valid. Everybody has their hard stops when it comes to sex. Some people dont like choking, some people arent down for swallowing. And a lot of people are weirded out by blood. And that’s OKAY. Your girlfriend should have been respectful or tour boundaries and not made you feel like you’re in the wrong. You offered up a compromise and she didnt want to take it. That’s on her, not you. I can say that if you ever do decide to try it, it’s not as messy as you would think. Lay down a towel, shower together afterwards. But at the end of the day if you don’t want to do it you dont have to and you shouldn’t be guilted or shamed for it. My FWB is down for pretty much anything but period sex isn’t something he’s a fan of. I’ve had sex on my period a couple times and didnt mind it but he established that boundary so I dont make a big deal out of it. I give him a heads up when I start so he knows sex isn’t happening that week and because we do hang out in a non sexual capacity so hes aware if I’m being moody or bitchy. You have every right to your feelings and every right to not be made to feel bad about them. End of discussion.
If a person is pushing you to have unprotected sex, under the “all my exes did it” excuse, you run. It’s not even the blood itself the problem, it’s about lack of respect for your boundaries.
I’d honestly advise you to not keep this going, it’s really not worth it, especially for a rebound.
I’m fairly certain one of my kids was conceived on period sex. Stick to your guns, kid.
I understand her disappointment as I’m the horniest during my period and during my ovulation days, but the way she handled it was wrong. My period lasts 10 days a month. If I did not have sex during my period I would go nuts.
Its not safe to have period sex without any kind of protection, ever, pregnancy and std wise.
It’s not all right to throw a tantrum for period sex. It’s entirely different to have a conversation about the good, the bad and the so so’s and to make a decision as a couple, even if it’s not a formal relationship. Trying to convince someone by discussing it in depth is the right way to go, especially at your age, when you are surrounded by lack of information and peer prejudice. But what she did was not ok. Getting mad about it isn’t. If you were presented with the information, you declined and she still pushed you, she’s ignoring your boundaries and you should let her know that so that she can correct her behavior. If she doesn’t, then you’ll have to make a decision here. If her sole argument was “my exes did it” she’s in the wrong again.
Sure there may be stuff you probably are willing to overcome, and some others you don’t want to. And that’s okay. Just talk to her, man. Outside the room, when you both cooled down.
Being weird when your partner asks you for protection, regardless of sex or reason is never not a red flag in my book. If it were me in this situation, and my male partner was refusing a condom, I wouldn’t continue sleeping with them. Wishing you the best.
That’s shitty of them to get mad at you for having a boundary.
This seems like a HUGE RED FLAG. Honestly I would break up with them if they don’t like to respect your boundaries
Ride the red tide friend. It’s ok.