A friend loaned from me.
TLDR: A friend borrowed from me a few months ago when he had nothing. He bought expensive computer parts and game skins instead of paying me ASAP. Now that I needed the money, he went on pulling a scammer move by ignoring my messages and getting angry with me.
My friend (22m) borrowed money from me (21m) a few months ago when he had nothing. I even let him stay in our house because they really had nothing at that time. We were friends for 4 years now. We used to go together at different sidelines such as photoshoots. When he was almost getting out of his loans from other people, I told him he could pay me later because I still do not need the money. I adviced him to invest in equipments first before doing anything because he recently sold his camera in order to pay the loans and buy another money earning equipments. I was expecting that he would not pull off a grand show of buying expensive parts but he still did instead of buying entry level parts and then paying me. He then went on his stupid decisions and proceeded on buying something that he did not need such as a gaming mouse, a second monitor, weapon skins on a game, and high quality speakers. I was disappointed but I did not pay much attention because I thought he could pay me in time. So I gave him a deadline (which is a month away) because I will need the money before July. Now that the deadline is over, he then blabbered about he was rejected by this girl or they had no money AGAIN and went on telling me his personal problems instead of paying me. I got angry and then he pulled off his habit of ignoring the message of someone he doesnt want to interact with. A typical scammer move. I feel like he was stepping on me and telling to himself that “its just OP, ill pay him next time”. I really needed the money and I feel bad for cutting ties with him. I also heard that he cant pay his electric bills and still owns money to others which are far more greater than mine. What should I do?
30 comments
You should never ever loan out money to friends or family that you need to get back, and that’s the lesson you learned here. You’re most likely never going to see it again, because he’s not magically going to get a stable form of income. That sucks obviously and he sucks for screwing you over. I don’t think you need to feel bad about not speaking to him anymore, it’s just the natural consequence of his behavior.
Lesson learned, don’t lend money. If you wanna gift someone money in a time of need that’s great, but nothing good comes from an opened ended loan to a friend
You live you learn. You NEVER loan anyone money, but especially friends or family. If you can’t afford to give it freely then you can’t afford to loan it, because most likely they won’t pay you back ever.
Take it as a lesson learned. The money isn’t going to be repaid and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Don’t be so trusting of people next time and don’t mix relationships and money.
Computer parts sounds like it’s still quite some money that you’re out. See if there’s a small claims court in your area. You can usually file yourself, no lawyers needed. You’d need evidence of the loan (texts, e-mails, notes, screenshots) and that you indeed expected it back (not a gift). He might not be able to pay immediately and it can be hassle to get your money over time (like if he moves or dodges). However, you could then get an order that would garnish income he’ll get in the future. But since there are more people chasing him, it might take some time.
It hurts when it’s a close friend and not everyone takes the step to go legal. For some people it’s important to go there, cos that’s how they find if they can get justice (even if there’s rejection) and then close this episode off. Some people don’t want the headache of courts and just let go and never talk to this person again. You figure out what suits you best.
I’d forget about ever getting the money back. And see that money as just the cost to rid this “friend” from your life.
Too late for this advice but whenever you loan money assume it’s a gift.
What you should do is stop interacting with this guy. The money is gone. I don’t know how much it was, but consider it the price you paid for this life lesson: never lend someone money you can’t afford to lose, and never lend a friend money. If a friend needs money and you can/want to help, then give them money as a gift. Never a loan. And if you know you will need that money, never, ever give it away.
You mentioned that you can speak to his parents and have access to them. You should go to them to get the money back. Also how much did you lend?
He has shown you how much your friendship means to him, literally. Consider the money gone and take this as an expensive, but necessary, life lesson.
Don’t loan money expecting it back
Money ruins friendships…never let it come between you two.
Just have an honest conversation and tell him how you fell.
When it comes to money being transferred between friends or family: it’s a gift. It doesn’t matter if you have a handkerchief agreement or a formally written-on-brand-spanking-new-print-paper contract. It’s a gift. You treat it accordingly.
You don’t “loan” money to friends. They don’t borrow money. You gave it away. Conceptually, if not as a matter of fact.
You also have a bad friend.
Young people can be bad with money and incredibly selfish. You tried to help your friend out. If there’s any value in this friendship, do your best to relax about it and tell him you still expect the money when he has it – though it sounds like you’ll never get it back.
My point is that you can distance yourself and keep things civil and by doing this you’re staying in his life to whatever degree, and you’re also not giving him an excuse to not pay you back. If you cut him off entirely it’s just too easy for him to then assume you don’t need the money back.
And, hey, he may be overwhelmed and desperate. He made terrible choices with the money you lent him and those and other bad decisions are coming home to roost. Maybe he’ll wake up and make good on his debts, including yours.
For the future, you’re poor and penniless and have no spare money. If pressed, all your money is in stocks and you can’t take it out right now.
Those are my go to answers. Ever since I got screwed like you did by my uncle. I got my money back eventually and I hope you get yours back too.
You’re young, and it’s good to learn this lesson as a young person. Don’t lend money to friends and family. Any amount. I’ve been in the same situation as you are now and lost a friend.
My personal policy is now, I’ll “loan” money if I don’t need it back. I give it to the person and forget about it. If I get it back, it’s a bonus! But putting it out of my head after the “loan” allows me to keep them as a friend and not keep thinking about that money. If I can’t afford the loan, I just say no. I don’t offer explanations other than, I’m unable to loan you the money you are asking for. So far this has worked for me.
Sorry, but he’s not the only one who made “stupid decisions.” What are you thinking not only lending money you’ll need soon, but encouraging him to buy equipment before paying you back? You should write off this loan and stop lending money you can’t really afford to lose.
Consider the money as good as gone, and cut the “friend” off.
Nothing to stop you sending a text telling him what a shitty thing he did. It’s gone though, consider it gone and move on.
Never loan money that you can’t afford to give away. If loaning any significant amount, even with close friends and family, draw up a contract and have both parties sign with witnesses. Now you know.
This person is not your friend, he sees you as a sucker, along with all the other people he’s taken money from. Cut your losses, warn your mutual friends and cut contact with this user. His financial problems are his fault, do not feel bad for him.
All I had to read was the title. This is what we refer to in the industry as a “live and learn” situation. You know what not to do the next time a close friend or family member asks for money.
Broo I am having the exact same situation with a friend I have know since I was 7. I lent him money to pay his sister’s fees because his dad was having financial issues and I would get it back in a week. Well it’s been 7 months.. it just goes to show that you shouldnt borrow people money.. at alllll. People really reveals peoples true color
My policy is if a friend/family needs money I will give it to them NSA if I want to.. No loans ever.
But you better have good reason.
A lot of commenters saying to never lend out money to friends and family. It’s not entirely true.
You absolutely can lend out money to people. Friends, family, loved ones. Helping others when they’re having a hard time financially isn’t a bad thing.
But if you can’t afford to lend the money, don’t do it. If the person doesn’t pay you back, keep that in mind any time they need something. Trust is hard earned and easily lost.
Yah… consider it a loss and move on. I’m sure it stings. But yeah. If its with friends/family, give it if you choose to. Don’t loan it.
I’ve learned the hard way to not let anyone borrow money at this point. 🙂 I’ve had to take a significant loss unfortunately.
Everyone wants to hit you up if you come into money.
The fact that this guy owed other people money he couldn’t pay back was a GIANT red flag you should have paid attention to. Unfortunately, there’s nothing much you can do now. Even taking him to the small claims court could cost you more time and money than you lost.
You’ve learned some valuable lessons from this experience. Make sure you only need to learn them once.
My step dad always told me never to loan an amount of money you can’t afford to lose. He would always tell me this story about how one time he lent €500 to a work colleague. The colleague came to him and told him he would pay him back on the coming Thursday… He died on the Monday…. Not sure what my point is except that he took that as a lesson learned and an example for others, you can take this as a lesson and move on.
Also when someone trys to pay you back. Take the even if you don’t need to right away. He tried to give it to you and you told go shopping. So he probably took it as he didn’t have to pay you back.
Not sure what the amount loaned is but if you want to be real petty steal the expensive components from his pc and sell them to retrieve some of the money and then deny it was you and just ignore his messages.