Am I being unfair in making my GF pay?
I M25 and my gf 26 have been living together for almost year in a relationship for 2.
We live in an apartment where there is only all-electric heaters. In winter she would leave them on all the time, which I know would end up costing us both a lot. I used to constantly mention this to my gf in a polite way, however she would insist she was too cold and switch them on when I wasn’t in , even when suggested to wear more clothes. Often when she was cold she’d be wearing only shorts and a t-shirt.
Eventually I become exhausted of always nagging and said , “ if we get a high electricity bill, are you alright paying the extra used?” . At the time she agreed.
Recently we had an electricity bill informing us we owe 500£ to the energy company and that our electricity would double to 300£ a month. Since I’ve lived at this flat for many years , I’m 99% certain this extra is due to her using the electric heaters. I also struggle to pay that and the rent.
A few days ago I told her that the bill was increasing and that we both need to pay our share. I also asked if she could contribute a bit for the extra electricity used – 400£. She did, but wasn’t happy and didn’t understand why she had to .
I explained that because of the extra electricity used – our monthly bills have doubled because they are based on that electricity use in winter , and that’s it’s needless waste of money. I also was always mentioning this to her at the time, and she’d agreed at time so it feels like she’s going back on her word.
Today we had a huge fight over the issue. I could tell she thought I was trying to swindle her out of money , and she said that in a “real relationship “ everything would be split 50/50 and if the situation was the other way around she would not have asked me.
I was upset that she basically implied this wasn’t a real relationship, but I also don’t think that’s fair. Because if it was pure 50/50 then I would be paying extra for something I warned her about it so many times. Also it’s so so much , if it was less I wouldn’t care but 150£ – 300£ for just electricity is ridiculous. She claimed it was mistake and she would never make someone pay for that mistake.
We just argued in circles becoming angrier and not understanding each other and some things said have upset us both. We both lost our temper and I said it wasn’t a mistake but consequences for her actions – which made her really angry, it was harsh of me , but she didn’t seem to understand why I was upset either.
But fundamentally I don’t really see what I have done wrong ? I just asked for her to pay her fair share. Maybe I explained it poorly to her and maybe here
I should mention I pay the rent and bills and she gives me half to help.
Appreciate any advice and welcome any questions
But it seems to me we have differences in understanding what fairness is and maybe little trust ? Is this a red flag ?
Tldr – should we go 50:50 on her mistake ?
Edit: spelling