I have had a hard time to discuss sensitive or certain topics mainly due to my best friends, the people I depend on and look up to. The ones always there for me.
I struggle in life, I don’t have many friends but it feels like the ones I have trust me lots but I never open up. Is there a problem here?
17 comments
Because you do not believe they would be helpful
Because when we open our feelings to others it makes us vulnerable. To some it makes them a target and they don’t want to be hurt from being open with their feelings.
It’s actually somewhat normal of an experience. I had the same issue when i was molested. I didn’t talk to anyone, even my closest friends. Then one day, i dated this girl, and she had shared her experience with being molested and it triggered something in me that finally allowed me to open up about it. From then on, i slowly was able to open up and discuss it.
I think that my feelings and problems are for me to deal with and no one else’s business. However I found that writing your feelings down, say in a journal or something really helps your mental.
It’s not worth it. In my experience the whole “let me talk about their feelings” is not genuine. Only ever been shit on for that, especially by the people that say shit like that. Bury it deep and one day you will die
Do they not do that with you?
i had the exact thoughts and literally had the crying opening up with one of my very close friends. i never saw him cry or vice versa. it was so deep and meaningful im still very shocked. i love the honesty that came out of this and everything seems so much easier right now. you really dont always know what people struggle with
As a once young men, all I can say is you might have a fear that they’ll dismiss your feelings and most probably they will because they might think less of what you’re going through but to each their struggle right. In the end, it’s for you to answer, why aren’t you able to open up?
It takes practice. But the amazing thing that I’ve found is, that if you demonstrate that it is safe to do so, people are often relieved that you have created that space, and will follow suit. The sad fact is that most people don’t have that in their lives, and are desperate for it.
I likely only learned/got good at that by going to AA meetings when I was young.
Look I’m gonna let you in something you’re going to learn sooner or later.
It’s hard to open up because nobody actually cares, and we all know it deep down. Most men can count on one finger the number of people who actually care about them. Unless we’re at the top of the pyramid, we’re disposable. That’s just life.
If you need to open up, you can pay a therapist to go through the motions and dispense paint-by-numbers bromides for you.
Because it’s a mix of them having their own problems, them wanting to throw other men under the bus to gain the favor of women, and other men love to gaslight one another. At least in this sub it’s like that.
I think there’s a tendency to see our own feelings as something that we should just deal with or aren’t as valid. We don’t want to burden other people with our shit, especially if we don’t actually know exactly what the thoughts in our head are anyway.
I know I struggled with letting that out a lot when I was a bit younger. I’d only let it out to girls rather than guys, as if there was some view that I was going to be judged for it otherwise.
Thing is, a lot of your guy mates are probably feeling the same. It got to the point where I just started talking about it… and they opened up in turn. Some less so than others, but that’s fine, not everyone is comfortable sharing the same things.
Now I can talk to my mates about pretty much anything. Maybe it comes with age, though I’m only in my mid 20s so lol. I just look at some of the older male figures in my life and how they handle their emotions and I just think… god, I do not want to be like that. So that’s why I started opening up, and working with my mates to make us all that bit more functional when dealing with our emotions.
Being a man is a constant competition and drive to not let other men think less of you in any way. It’s like that as kids, even little shit like how we’d cross our legs or look at our fingernails. You’d have to do it “right” or you’d be a girl/pussy/etc…
Men, by way of being raised in a western society view of masculinity, don’t want other men to think less of them.l for any reason. So when you have shame, your instinct is to not share it out of fear that it can be or will be used against you. This hurts men, and stunts their emotional capacity.
But being vulnerable is ironically the bravest thing you can do. There’s a lot of good books about it.
Lack of skill. Just like smoothing out a golf swing or throwing the perfect left hook, comfortably communicating our vulnerability is a skill. We need to practice to get good at it.
Because you’re the only person you can rely on. Other people will fail you, it’s just a matter of when. If I need to open up, I have a therapist who is trained to help me. Otherwise, I journal and acknowledge my problems alone. They’re my battles to fight.
At worst, seek anonymous opinions on the internet. Friends are great, but I always consider the consequences of sharing too much with them. In the end, I have not found it worthwhile.
Everyone has their own shit. They don’t want to be burdened with yours, too.
Because they will inevitably ask the following: Why are you ghey?