So, this is one of the strangest things I’ve ever had to type. Anyway, I (22F) have been dating my bf (22M) for roughly 8 or so months now and, honestly, I have very few complaints. We connect very well emotionally and physically, are intellectually compatible, communicate well, and have similar visions for the future. My bf and I don’t live together (which is important here), but I spent the night at his apartment last night.
Basically, he was shaving in the connecting bathroom and asked me if I could go into his closet (that he also uses for toiletry storage) and hand him another shaving cream can. While I was looking for it, I noticed a shoebox that had—what looked like—paper sticking out of it. I handed my bf the shaving cream and, while he took a shower afterwards, I went back to the box. Inside of it was what can only be described as a memorial/keepsake box for his ex. There were polaroid pictures of her (including pictures of her nude that she took herself and, presumably, taken by my bf as well), printed out screenshots of “cute,” lovey texts between them, love notes and playlists she made for him, and a journal that I think he used while they were still together. There were also various items that looked like they may have once been hers (shampoo, perfume, a bra).
I am just in complete disbelief. Because he’s never talked about her much, I assumed he was completely over her and that there was no issue…he also seems emotionally available to me. But a lot of things in the box were just so….intimate….and why would you keep them if part of you still wasn’t in love with them??? I also find it it a bit creepy that he kept some of her lingerie and nude pictures of her. I have no idea if these are things he looks at regularly or not, but I just don’t know how to proceed…
I made up an excuse to leave his apartment early and we’ve barely spoken since then. I know he and I will have to talk eventually but any advice on how to structure the conversation would be appreciated. what would y’all do if this was your partner??
5 comments
You know what’s really creepy?
You snooping through your boyfriend’s stuff while he was in the shower.
I have every love letter I’ve ever been written. It doesn’t mean anything, they’re just good memories
I mean I don’t think it’s fair to to go through his shit randomly judge him due to a box you found with no context. He might’ve just forgot about the box. He’s seems like a decent Boyfriend, you finding the box didn’t change that.
If there are no red flags and only the box is an issue, then I doubt there is an issue at all.
People have already mentioned that the snooping part isn’t okay. But yes the nudes are a bit weird but I doubt it means anything.
Actually a lot of people tend to keep things if they are related to good memories.
E.g. I still have a letter from 15 years ago about a girl saying she loves me (we were in a LDR) which had some chocolates with it
It doesnt mean anything, but it’s a nice memory
Yeah, the nudes are weird.