This is going to be a bit of a ranting post so I apologize in advance.
Lately I (28F) have begun the work to deconstruct my own repression when it comes to sex. I have always felt guilt and shame surrounding it to the point I limit my interactions with the opposite sex because I feel so uncomfortable. I literally think every man wants me for sex and it’s this constant intrusive thought because half the time, I want to have sex with them. I am still a virgin.
Anyway I’m learning I have needs- and unfortunately, the only next step I’ve been comfortable taking is online sex with strangers via video chat. Which I know is not safe. It’s hot in the moment but I feel bad about it and block them immediately after.
I know this is strange, but I am a fully functioning adult female with a great job and a good group of friends (who all think I’m a closeted lesbian) and fulfilling hobbies. It’s just this ONE AREA of my life I can’t get a handle on and I’m incredibly unhappy. I try the apps and have good conversation, but when it comes down to meeting someone my anxiety kicks in and I either ghost them after a first or second date or say I’m not interested anymore.
I’m just not sure of next steps in my journey. I’d love to go to therapy, but waiting list is very long in my area. Any tips, suggestions, encouragement?
3 comments
Maybe explore yourself. I’m not sure if you have done that and to what extent but I would argue exploring yourself, experimenting with toys, could be a first step in taking charge of your sexuality. You can also google the work of emily nagoski who writes on relationships and sex.
Plus when you feel ready, try and find a guy who is understanding and willing to take some time.
Porn
>I literally think every man wants me for sex
Well, we do.
OK, that is not completely true, but I would think that the average heterosexual man, faced with a woman of average or better attractiveness who is not a blood relative usually at least thinks about it.
Is that a problem for you?
>the only next step I’ve been comfortable taking is online sex with strangers via video chat. Which I know is not safe
Uh, why not? What is going to happen, you gonna get Visual AIDS?
>I feel bad about it and block them immediately after.
Don’t do that! For one thing, it’s mean. Ironically, *that* is the thing you should feel bad about.
But more importantly, it’s cutting off an avenue for real relationships. Three times in my life, online sex has led to real, in-person relationship — which is three more than dating apps have led to!