My mom has major anxiety problems, I’m over it and need a new strategy to shut down her down. The day before July 4th we FaceTimed, she asked if my son, 2.5, would be scared of the fireworks. We explained he sleeps like a rock, and the fireworks start several hours after he goes to bed. No big deal here.
Over the past week I’ve received a total of 6 text messages, including today, asking if my son got scared of the fireworks. I’ve been ignoring her, and texting her about other things in between, but she won’t drop it. I believe she thinks she being caring, but instead she’s just projecting her anxiety and fear on to me and my kid. Ignoring her isn’t working and I’m afraid if I respond I’ll validate her behavior.
Having a rational conversation with her is pointless, trust me I’ve tried. She doesn’t listen and doesn’t learn. For example, when I travel she freaks the fuck out and won’t leave me alone until she knows I’m safe, I want to reiterate I’m 41. I’ve expressed to her that I’d rather she were supportive and tell me to have fun, but instead “call me when you land” (I don’t), constant texts “how you’re being safe” (I don’t respond) it’s infuriating. As a result she’s lost privileges to know when I’m traveling.
I refuse to let her expose my son to her anxiety fueled madness. What is a good strategy to nip these types of situations going forward? Should I continue to ignore her? Should I try and educate her (remember this hasn’t worked in the past)? should I troll her “he loves setting of bottle rockets”? Or something else?
TLDR: my mom is project her anxiety onto my son, I have tried to educate her, and ignore her, but she doesn’t learn and persists. She’s driving me nuts, what is another strategy to try?
2 comments
Your mom is very loving and mothers will always but you need to make sure she doesn’t pass on this type of anxiety to your kid while also trying to make sure she understands that you are a grown adult and she needs to learn boundaries.
No help here, but I’m in a bit of the same boat. I’m 42, mom is 78 and I’m positive has always struggled with undiagnosed anxiety. Hers comes across as constant unnecessary worry about things that either don’t matter or are totally out of control. My sister and I do our best to calmly reiterate that her stress is unnecessary, but we can’t get her to understand that it’s actually anxiety that could be helped if she would talk to her doctor. I dealt with PPA after my second baby and was pretty open about it with her, hoping she would maybe start to understand that I had absolutely no issue going on Zoloft and it was so so helpful to not have my brain constantly in overdrive. Unfortunately, she didn’t make the connection. At this point, I don’t think we’ll be able to address it until she’s to the point that my sister and I need to go to her dr appointments with her.