We’ve been friends for a long time, the confession (via text) came pretty much out of nowhere, but I had been suspicious for a while now as she started messaging more frequently and looking for excuses so just the two of us hang out (we usually meet with a larger group of friends).
I’m an idiot when it comes to these things. I’ve never had a serious relationship before and have always been terrible at expressing feelings/flirting/all that stuff needed to initiate a relationship, so I had no idea what to text back. I just told her that I didn’t expect that, that I didn’t know what to do in situations like these, and that I’ve appreciated the increased amount of time we’ve spent recently, then the conversation moved on to the usual stuff.
Basically I have no idea where to go from here. I don’t want to overreact, she just told me she has a crush on me, it’s not like she asked me to date or told me she was in love with me, but then is it like some fun fact that we can ignore and move on? When I started getting suspicious I thought a bit about this and, while at this point in life I had no romantic interest on her… I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it, she’s totally my type (I’d argue out of my league) and I’m very comfortable around her so the prospect of a more serious relationship seems nice… but at the same time I’ve never done this so that idea results quite overwhelming.
To add complexity to the situation, my friend had recently went through a divorce and then her ex-husband died tragically in a car accident months after all got settled… so that’s definitely playing a part in this whole situation. (Edit: Just to make clear, I’m talking about the same friend here)
Yes, I’m overthinking this
TL;DR Friend said she has a crush on me, and I think a relationship with her could be nice, but haven’t had a relationship before I don’t know how to handle this situation. She’s also coming back from a extremely difficult grieving process with her past relationship
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EDIT: So, after hours of ~~running in circles~~ deliberation I put my thoughts in order and re-did my response. Told her her feelings were reciprocated and asked her out to have dinner at a place we’d been postponing recently. She knows I’m an idiot so she seemed understanding of it. There’s some inconvenient stuff to figure out, so sadly won’t be today, but real soon! Thank you all for your help! I’m still kinda terrified ngl!
17 comments
If you’re into her also, ask her on an official date and go from there.
Go for it if you like her back! Say “look im an idiot with these types of things. If you wanna go out then lets try it if thats what youre saying you want”
She didn’t tell you this as a “fun fact”. She’s interested in dating you!
But your response basically left her hanging.
If you like this woman, go see her in person NOW! Tell her the truth. You had no idea how to respond because you’ve never dated before. Tell her you’re happy she told you, you like her too, and you’d like to take her out, if she’s feeling up to it.
You just have to communicate exactly how you’re feeling. I don’t think it’s wise to ignore it and brush it off and pretend like it never happened because guess what – problems don’t go away like that! Maybe try and write how you feel about it on a piece of paper to organize your thoughts, but I do think you should offer her some kind of explanation. Whether you want to pursue it or you aren’t ready is totally your choice regardless of what circumstances are surrounding the situation. But the more transparent you are about the whole thing, the less likely it is to become an awkward situation.
it’s really up to you. if you’re into it as well then just go for it. if not just be HONEST.
don’t make her wait either because trust me, it will make it weird.
The best thing you can do is have an honest and open conversation. Let her know your thoughts on relationships and how it’s difficult for you to express your feelings. Tell her that you enjoy her friendship and all the time you’ve been spending together and conversations you have. talk to her her about your friends situation and Let her know that you’d like to take her on a date and just see where things go. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself that this will automatically be a serious relationship. You’ll never know unless you give it a go. The biggest thing you can do is just be honest and open with her.
Good luck! I hope everything works out!
If you like her back or think there’s potential, ask her out for a drink, coffee, movie, whatever.
I’m very sorry to hear about your friends ex husband. A tragic death like that can really affect a person, even if they weren’t your spouse or close friend. My cousin’s husband passed away right before I started dating someone and it really affected my relationship, it made it really hard to let myself have feelings for a person, with this idea of life being able to be taken away at a moments notice. If you think it would help, you could try grief counseling. This also sounds like a hard thing for you to process because you’ve never been in a relationship before, so it’s all brand new and compounded by having to process the loss of someone’s life.
Good luck, no matter what happens at least you know there are people out there who care very much for you. If you think you can, asking her out on a real date sounds like a very good idea!
> but at the same time I’ve never done this
Well there you go man, you’re boned. Looks like you should just give up on ever having a relationship, since obviously you aren’t allowed to do something you’ve never done before.
Dude, she was probably freaking out that you didn’t give her a more positive response.
If you have any interest in this girl, right now is the time to text her and ask her out.
“Hey, sorry about earlier, I wasn’t ready for your confession. But to be honest, I have had some feelings for you, too. I would like to take you out and see where things go.”
Not hard at all. Just do it. She has made this as easy for you as it is going to get.
Do you want to date her or not? If so, then ask her out. If not, then please tell her ASAP.
Yup, she knows you’re an idiot and likes you anyway! Good luck on the date!
YAY. I am happy for you OP, this is a good thing! Has anyone given you tips on do’s and do not’s on a date? Would you be interested in those?
Well at least she’s aware of your quirks and is still into you! Take it easy, I hope it goes well for you both!
Just a small bit of advice. Take it slow to begin with.
> be lying if I said I never thought about it, she’s totally my type (I’d argue out of my league) and I’m very comfortable around her
Tell her exactly this, “I’ve thought about it, I always thought you were out of my league” and ask on date.
Just go into this casually. You need this slow for you to be comfortable
“Let’s keep hanging out and see where things go”