Created a tinder because I was bored, made the mistake of putting a 🏳️🌈 in my bio, used it for 3 days and forgot about it. this was a month ago.
Fast forward to now, a girl from my college who is apparently also bi found and took a screenshot of my profile. I don’t think she did it to be malicious but my college is small and I’m afraid the few friends I have will find out. I don’t know their stands on this things and I’m terrified.
I don’t want them to think I’m into them or that I’m a creep. I have 2 that I’m more touchy with, like I hug them, rest my head on their shoulder, kiss their foreheads or things like that, is completely platonic tho and I wouldn’t dream about making moves on either of them.
what do I do? I’m not ready to come out to them and I don’t know the girl that found me very well, I’m scared she’ll say something.
13 comments
How do you know she took a screen shot?
>i don’t think they did it to be malicious
I am genuinely confused as to what other reason it might be? Did she say why she did it, and how did you find out?
I wouldn’t worry. Being supportive of lgbtq dosen’t mean you’re lgbtq yourself and most people recognize that. If anyone asks, just tell them no. It’s not really anyone’s business what your orientation is anyway. Though I can’t see why anyone would screenshot your profile.
Edit to add: Besides, If your friends can’t except you for who you are regardless of orientation, they’re not really your friends.
Also, seeing how (in another comment) your friend sent you the screenshot. It seemed harmless. Is your friend also lgbtq?
Super-weird she screenshotted it? That being said, if you’re not ready to be out, feel free to lie to anyone who asks in the unlikely case that she decides to say something (but why would she even care?)
If possible, I would just talk to her. Tell her you aren’t ready to come out. Most people in the community understand that and will be supportive!
I can understand why this must be scary for you. It’s never a comfortable feeling when it feels like you’re in danger of having a secret spilled. In this instance, from what you describe – try and take it easy.
You’re thinking ahead towards some big scary things happening (people thinking you’re a creep, for example) – but those things have not happened yet, and there are plenty of other things that are less scary that could happen from here too. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe the girl who took the screenshot has the hots for you. Maybe she’s looking for a friend. Maybe she’s got a friend who is interested in you. Who knows?
You haven’t been caught in bed having sex with anyone – you had a digital marker on your profile that may mean you’re queer, or may mean you support queer people. It’s ambiguous. You have playsible deniability if you want it. Try not to let this get any bigger in your mind than it really is.
You could try talking to the girl, even if you don’t know her well. If you explain to her that you’re not ready to be out, i’m sure she’ll understand and will likely keep it between the two of you.
So let’s just think about the worst case scenario for a minute. Your outed- people make comments, you have conversations. You feel your feelings and you find out who your actually friends were and maybe boundaries are put in place with someone of things you do with friends like kissing their forehead. Am I missing something here? I think your catrophising what might happen. There is going to be a crowd of people outside your door shouting “burn the witch” or anything. I think this is alot more to with coming face to face with your own identity than what others will think and do.
If you make an issue of it than it will be an issue.Be proud of yourself and don’t worry what other people and what they thinking.If they ask that means they are interested…..
Bi people really get annoying amount of flack from all sides. If she’s an understanding person, you could just let her know that you’re not out yet, and would appreciate her discretion. If she’s bi too, she might be able to become someone who can help you through the process.
So she outs you, a flag is hardly an admission. If you’re that worried you can simply say you put up the wrong flag and didn’t notice.
I have a childhood friend that I came out to years ago. When we were in college we would do stuff like skinny dipping or topless sunbathing that I usually initiated. And when I was coming out I said, “I didn’t initiate skinny dipping or sunbathing to try and hit on you, I just genuinely like being naked” (still do haha)
I also specified I was mostly just doing that stuff because I felt comfortable around her as a friend. So if you do come out to your friends try being upfront about it. if you are self-conscious your friends might think you are affectionate because you are hitting on them, you can try specifying that it’s purely friend stuff.
But you don’t have to come out if you don’t want to! I didn’t come out until my mid twenties. And I totally agree with the comments that say just ask this person to keep your bisexuality on the down low.
it’s 2022. If your friends think yuo’re coming on to them just because they find out you’re bi you need new friends. You will be fine. Also: just come out as bi. It’s like the smallest deal in the world.