I fucked up

14 comments

1. Info: exactly what did you do to mess up your finances so badly?

2. Step 1 should be telling her how to plan to fix the financials, an actual plan with details. Being sorry is nice but having a real plan you will stick to will mean more

3. how bad did you fuck up? Impossible to know if you are overreacting or she is justified.

4. It depends on how you screwed up and how quickly you can recoup from it.

   She needs to take over the financials and you need to get a 2nd job to bring more money in to replace whatever you screwed up.

   Now if you used it on other women, no.

5. Lying about finances when both parties are involved with the debt is pretty egregious. What was the reasoning and what was the lie? How bad is the debt?

   Sidebar, you aren’t the one who used a credit card for a motorcycle when she asked you to wait till the debt was paid down are you?

6. Maybe if you took accountability it would be a step in the right direction. Saying you “didn’t realize” you spent your money and “forgot” to pay your bills is ridiculous. You CHOSE to spend what you didn’t have. And CHOSE to not pay your bills as a result.

7. Take responsibility and stop saying it was an accident and you forgot or did t realise you were buying things?

   I think you can fix it but not until you own up to it as YOUR mistake

8. Okay. First off, why are you jumping straight to “forgiveness” and “second chances” when, in your own words, “I don’t honestly have any idea why I didn’t share the finances with her or why I fucked up so bad”? I mean, how can you expect to be given a second chance when you have ZERO insight into what you’ve done or why you did it in the first place?? That just SCREAMS “absolutely gonna happen again”.

   Second, you’ve been asked a few times and seem to be avoiding answering, exactly how much money are we talking here? Hard figures. In the last 6 months, how much money have you spent on yourself (hobbies, toys, gaming, misc unnecessary crap)? How many bills went unpaid, how behind were they and what did that total? Was anything cut off / shut off as a result?

   Third, 8 months ago you were posting about purchasing gaming equipment (components?) and how your budget for that wasnt what it used to be due to having a 5 month old child. So you have a one year old and a wife but were mindlessly spending your family into the ground? As a mother, she SHOULD be RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED that you jeopardized your family’s security and sense of well-being. ESPECIALLY when your response is “yeah, I have no idea why I did that and no insight into it whatsoever and have made no effort to even sit down for an hour and do the damn math behind it. Forgive me?”

   Fourth, you had no idea how much you were spending while you spent it or that you even spent the money at all?? How is that possible? You were purchasing things with no price tag? How were you not aware that you were purchasing things?? Again, hard truths that you refuse to face because its uncomfortable for you. Which means it will absolutely happen again.

   So from her perspective: You cant admit what you did because you did it so subconsciously that you weren’t aware you were doing it, jeopardizing your wife and child’s security and well-being but want forgiveness and a second chance, even though you have no insight whatsoever into what you actually did or why you did it?

   Dude.

9. Nah, you’re still deflecting even now to people in the internet who have no impact on your life.

   Pretty much every banking system, credit union, creditors in general have apps, with real time monitoring of the account.

   You didn’t “forget”, you just don’t want to admit it.

10. Definitely be honest, but it’s also important to remember this is a marriage: you two definitely need to communicate with each other. If she’s bolting from one thing, that’s not a great sign either.

    Maybe work together to come up with a financial system so you both know what’s going on? It can be hard to realize how much you’ve spent when it just a tap or swipe of a card. Maybe for some things, cards should be left and home and you have cash with you so you physically see how much you have left. Good luck!!

11. Ok how much did you lose? Was it call options on TWTR? Because Monday won’t be great so you should just deeply apologize and buy her a diamond with whatever scraps you can sell.

12. Start selling your shit to make up for the late bills then show her you’re willing to be financially responsible from here on out.

13. Your question cannot be answered because you haven’t said: what you spent your money on….

    If you spent it on a mini van that you thought would make life easier at the moment…but didn’t have the insight to know you just couldn’t afford it at the time then yes there may be a possibility that she forgives you.

    If you bought a 10000$ replica of Adam west’s batman undies then yes she should divorce you. .

    Just saying you spent alot of money and fell behind and didn’t disclose it to her doesn’t really say anything on weather you can be forgiven or not… which was your question.

14. I went through something (maybe) similar with my ex. We were both supposed to be saving for when we got married so we could buy furniture for our house.. I found out after we got married that he hadn’t saved ANYTHING so I bought everything (couch, bedroom set, dining table, etc) with my own money. He mooched off of me for a year with no intent of getting a job and it played a major role in my divorce.

    You didn’t provide much context so I’m not sure what your situation looks like but have an honest conversation about what happened and come up with a plan on your own for how to fix the problem