I (20) have a lot of kinks (i think) that i want to explore with my boyfriend (23).
ex: gagging, bondage, praise, teasing etc
He doesn’t have any but is open to trying anything I want basically.
But every time he asks me I get super flustered and just let him do whatever he wants in the moment.
It’s all really nerve wracking because we’re naked and he’s on top of me asking questions and has all this eye contact etc.
But I also feel like I might say explain something weird and he’ll get turned off.
I get very nervous during sex and kind of just want him to take control of everything and just know what I want. (unrealistic i know)
I haven’t talked to him yet but any advice would help :))
4 comments
Having a talk outside of a sexual context is the way to go. Like dont bring it up when you’re already getting frisky. Talk about it before hand, you may open up his mind to the world of kink!
I would suggest having these conversations before you initiate anything. Fully clothed over dinner or something. It’s much easier to get across what you want and don’t want with a clear head before you’re in the heat of the moment. It also adds spice talking about things you want to do to each other 😉. Set clear boundaries and suggest some things you’d like for him to try. Good luck!!
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You’re definitely not going to get what you want if you don’t ask for it but it’s not always easy to ask. The good time to have the conversation is when you’re not just about to have sex, or you’ve already started. Let him know that when you’re in the moment, it’s the wrong time to ask because putting you on the spot disrupts the mood too much for you.
For example, “How about next time we have sex I want to try something see how much cock I can *really* handle, I want you to give it all to me, ok? Keep giving me more until I tell you to stop, and if something’s not ok I’ll let you know by <insert signal>.”
Or another option is to tell him that you remember that he asked the question about things you wanted to try and you’ve thought about it since. Then you could put forward a ‘suggestion jar’ where you (both) write down a mix of things you want to try and things you know you already like to do together, then pull out one of his, and one of yours when you come to have sex, or even earlier in the day so you both have time to think about it. When you put the idea forward is also a good time to talk about safe signals and aftercare (which is really important with anything rough or heading toward bondage/bdsm territory).
I’ve got two words for you, be honest. That’s all, be honest with what you need from him.