I (26F) am in a hook-up relationship with a friend of mine. I know little about his aspirations but I am aromantic and therefore we are not *dating,* just to set up the background. Anyway, I have a kink in that I prefer hard and fast penetrative sex, but my partner is very cautious. He likes to take his time and really go slow and sensual, which while nice, I don’t really get off to it. I’ve told him both before, during and after that he can go just harder than last time, but he never actually speeds up. And usually if I’m on top he dictates my speed quite a bit.
Yes, I can understand that he probably just prefers it that way but I wonder if it’s insecurity with endurance or something deeper than that. Any males willing to weigh in?
32 comments
My *guess* is that “fast and furious” makes him cum in 5 secs (or whatever). He’s going to be deathly afraid of that. Lots of negative energy out there on that. BUT the more he does that, the longer he can go. So, good luck training him. Chances are, however, you might need to find another guy.
Just put that in front of him he will be interested, because without telling him will become difficult for him to understand and as you have told him better you take the lead by going fast.
Just tell him really clearly that’s what you want. Don’t sugar coat it, be as blunt as you possibly can be. (“I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.”)
And say it with authority. Tell him, don’t ask him. Probably would work best during. If he’s not complying, ask him why he won’t.
Well maybe he just doesn’t like it and because ur just fwb he doesn’t want to change.
Maybe search for someone who is more into your kinks if it isn’t a relationship anyways
Guys can feel like they need to be gentle with women because thats how they are raised (“never hit/harm a girl”). So in the bedroom you may want to say something like “It’s okay, you’re not going to hurt me.”
If he’s still holding back, then agree on a safe word and tell him to go as hard as he possibly can.
He might last longer if he wears a condom as well, it can lessen the sensation a little bit so you can last longer
> I’ve told him both before, during and after that he can go just harder than last time
how do you convey this to him? “you can go harder if you want” != “can you go harder for me?”
Different ladies like it different ways. So ask if he will do X for you. Not a suggestion or general invitation, but rather a specific request. “I really want to feel you doing it hard and fast” or however you want to describe exactly what you want.
You probably need someone who is fitter than him and maybe goes to the gym, so that he is used to doing repetitions.
Lol tell him you that you don’t care how quickly he cums as long as he fucks you as hard as he can. That’ll do the job
Mine gets the msg to go harder and faster if I slap his butt hard or put my nails in his back. 🤷🏻♀️🤣
Say fuck me like a hi try to hurt me
It’s quite possible you have a compatibility issue but it’s not impossible to convey to your partner what you want. First of all explain to him that he can pound the s*** out of you he’s not going to hurt you. If he was too big for you you would already know it and you probably wouldn’t want to be hauled out anyway. So tell him look my p**** is bulletproof so I want you to f*** the s*** out of me if you can’t do that maybe we need to look around.
You know I really can’t speak for others before myself I’m highly attuned to my partner’s needs. Should go without saying that you’re not going to be pounding away wide open all the time. Slow and sensual and taking your time can be amazing for both. Not everyone knows how to articulate or how to read their partner and what they want and mix it with their own desire. Communication is key not everybody is comfortable talking about it but if you’re going to be that intimate with your partner you need to. Two people making love or one of the most important elements in their relationship and you’re either into it or you’re not. I believe it’s very important to take care of your partner’s needs or trust me somebody else will
Instead of saying “you can go faster” instead ask him to go faster.
Just be prepared for him to ejaculate much more quickly.
As for why he’s holding back, you could try asking.
Perspective is everything and whether you’re male or female the one who wants to go faster slow or whatever nuance you’re talking about the bottom line to me as a male is to satisfy my partner. And that’s what I’m going to do. If she wants it hard and fast I’m going to give it to her I may start out slow until she lubricates and then I’m going to pound the s*** out of her because that’s what she wants. If he only wants to go slow and she’s good with that great… It’s for them to decide what they will both compromise….; )
Ask nicely. Sometimes I ask my man if he would please jackhammer me for a bit.
Treat him the way you want to be treated. If you want it fast and hard, grab him by the hair and pull him to you so you can say it in his ear loud enough he can’t misunderstand you. He may nut right away before he gets the chance. Be understanding. Get him something to drink. Maybe give him 5min to recover. Then you demand a rematch.
>he can go just harder
Sounds like you used poor communication. You should tell him that you want him to go harder and faster. Or you can ride him and go the speed you want. Saying “you can” makes it seem like an option or something you don’t mind he might not realize that it’s something you want.
Just fuck this guy a lot and he will eventually get used to the hard and fast and last longer.
Start shouting “harder/faster “ in the middle of the deed
how about you go on top and go harder and faster?
Tell them during sex you want it harder and faster I always try to do what the woman likes and some don’t like it like that so if a woman tells me go harder and faster then that’s what I’ll do
My girlfriend slaps my ass and grabs my butt and starts moving her hips faster when she wants me to take it up a notch. But I tend to prefer slow and sensual too as it makes me a LOT more sensitive and feels so much better for me personally. It lets me focus on the overall sensations more.
Get on top and ride him like you want.
When I go really hard and fast I cum pretty quick. That may be his issue.
It’s both. I know I’m just beating a dead horse at this point, but both those issues play a factor. In my experience, many women just refuse to understand that men aren’t sex machines right off the bat. Something like going faster and harder is like any exercise, it takes practices to build the endurance. I can’t really go fast and hard because I don’t do it enough to build the endurance for it. Something like that makes us finish a lot quicker, and we don’t want that.
The mental part of it is that we ask ourselves a ton of questions while doing it. Are we going to last long enough, will they like it, what if we finish unexpectedly.
Start with the mental part first. Try to assure him that you understand it’ll take time to build it up, and that if mistakes like finishing early do happen, that he can finish inside, or whatever it is that you want. Once he can feel good about doing it, he’ll probably do it more often.
As always, just try to be understanding and patient. No one starts out as a sex god.
My guess he will go real quick. When that happens, pull out a toy and tell him to tease you with it.
Tell him to “pound me like I owe you money.”
multiple times should work as the first time he may cum quick. The second time, and beyond may last longer
tell him about pau yuen tong balm, it’s a numbing ointment that lasts hours, just takes some prep time of 1-3 hrs depending on how much control he needs. The prematureejaculation subreddit has a few posts about it. It works.
Yeah he might fear insta-cumming. But if you tell him you’re ok with it if it makes him cum quick, after a few times, his body should adjust and take longer. Harder but slow might not cause as much trouble as hard AND fast.