I love my boyfriend but he always wants to try things he’s seen in porn. We’re both young, so it’s understandable that he watches porn. And while there’s nothing wrong with getting a little ‘freaky’ so to speak, some of the stuff just seems very enjoyable.
For example, he rarely wants to have normal, vanilla, missionary sex. It’s always ‘lets try anal’, ‘try deepthroating me’, ‘I want to choke or slap you’. One time he tried getting it on while we were on the train.
For me personally, I’m a more vanilla kind of girl. So when I’m reluctant to do these kind of things he gets really upset. He’s confused as to why I don’t want to do them. But for me, anything painful or unusual in the bedroom is just not enjoyable. But to him, even the more ‘out there’ stuff is normal to him.
Any advice?
15 comments
Tell him you don’t want it.
If he gets “really upset” then he’s a bad boyfriend and you 1000% deserve better.
Your sexual boundaries are not negotiable. You get so say no to anything at anytime and he needs to respect that.
If he’s acting out, making you feel bad, trying to coerce you, or continually asking you after you’ve said no then *he is not the kind of man you should be in a relationship with*. Sexual or otherwise.
At the absolute BARE minimum he should be giving as much as he’s receiving, its a concerning to me that he gets upset when u don’t want to do the things that he does considering that u already more than entertain what he wants. It doesn’t sound like he’s all that willing to look at things from ur pov or to make an equal effort to please u (after all, u know what u want better than anyone else does) and thats cause for alarm imo.
The whole point of porn is to give a show, more often than not its not meant to showcase realistic sexual relationships (thats what amateur porn is for). I get that ur young, but at the same time im sure ur old enough to discern fantasy from reality, ur bf needs to do the same. Don’t do anything u don’t feel comfy or find pleasure in doing. Stay safe, I hope it works out!! ♥️♥️♥️
I don’t think there’s much that you can do, except to continue to tell him that you do not want to participate in those things. Exploring is good where you are comfortable, but you definitely shouldn’t feel pressured into doing anything. Even the porn stars wouldn’t be doing most of those things if they weren’t being paid to do them.
If this is just his initial sexual curiosity, then he might eventually realize the differences between porn and real-life sex. If he’s really into all of the kinky stuff, then the two of you might just not be sexually compatible.
Maybe you should both find people you’re sexually compatible with. Otherwise he’ll just end up cheating on you.
Introduce him to “Aunt Peg” and see if he still wants to do kinky stuff
Explore your own kinks with him. You have the best partner to test everything you want to. Even when like the “vanilla” sex more, you can try some stuff. Maybe start with new positions. The jump from normal sex to deep throat and anal is pretty big, and maybe you like it, when you start slow. But you have to talk to him. Take you’re time specially when you are young
This sounds like an issue of incompatibility – you being more vanilla and him being into more “extreme” kinds (the use of quotes is deliberate btw, please no one try to assert that I am somehow casting shade at anyone who is into that kind of thing!). In and of itself, having different interests is not necessarily a dealbreaker, provided both parties (BOTH are needed to do this) are willing to negotiate a compromise so that each other’s needs and wants are met without sacrificing too much of your own (example: vanilla partner and a partner who is into tying their partner up and paddling them. Vanilla partner not OK with the paddles or being tied up, but OK with being held down and their partner using their hands instead of a paddle. Fair compromise that both are comfortable with that attempts to meet in the middle – of course, only if both partners are OK with this as the middle ground).
The issue seems to be that you do not have much interest in anything aside from vanilla – nothing wrong with that at all, you like what you like. But he also likes what he likes and it seems that neither of you enjoy what the other enjoys at all, so it can’t even be a case of “this time we do you, next time we do me”. You both will end up alternately bored/uncomfortable with trying to meet the other’s wants.
Neither of you are the bad guy here, but there IS an issue of serious incompatibility probably cannot be resolved and you both deserve partners who enjoy and celebrate what you enjoy. There is a guy out there somewhere who finds your straightforward, relatively vanilla style supremely enjoyable, and I’m sure there is a woman out there who will happily break out the whips and restraints for him. You both deserve to find these people. Contrary to popular thinking, sexual compatibility is a BIG factor in a relationship and it is not selfish to leave someone who doesn’t meet your needs – unless you are OK with a relationship that could potentially be long-term or even life-long where one of you is perpetually going to be unsatisfied.
Honestly, his wishes Sound very normal and almost 100% vanilla to me. This is different for everyone.
It sounds like your are missing communication and a bit of trust also.
Try to sit together and talk through it. If you don’t come to an agreement you both are not sexually compatible.
You might be more conservative sexually than he is. Nothing wrong with that… but if he wants to try anal, he’s probably gonna find someone who is keen on it, some day.
By no means saying you need to accommodate his kinks or preferences, it’s **utterly your body and your choice**… but he’s got pretty varied sexual interests, and if you close doors off, that might not end well for you guys. There are plenty of men who are fine with never having anal or getting a blowjob. Still, I feel many of them would do both if given the chance. I’d certainly want to put my penis in someone’s willing bum if I had that equipment, life is short, I’d at least wanna try it 😆 🤷♀️
Me? I’ll try just about anything once with no judgement. The exception being adding a 3rd or more people in our bedroom. I’m a 1:1 girl. I really like anal, but didn’t really like fisting- for example.
I went through the exact same thing with my first bf in highschool (late twenties now). I look back now and can see the affects it has had in my sex life. Like you, he only wanted to try new things he saw which made me very uncomfortable but i felt i had to please him so i went along. I felt my confidence in consent slip away and it later made me realize I’d say yes just to people please….and have experiences that were not enjoyable for me at all. If you know what you like and that it won’t change it’s important you speak up and voice your discomfort. Now is the time to learn to speak up for yourself no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If he dumps you over something like this (would be extremely shallow) it’s saving you in the long run anyways.
Tell him what you, communication is the key.. Be clear baoht things..
Amateur porn is good don’t watch the fake overrated porn
He’s plain stupid. One of the things that he should know, is that porn is not real.
This acts are performed by actresess that are paid for their work, that are able to take time to prepare for the scenes.
I don’t think that rough sex is enjoyable for normal people, and he should know that.
And if you are into vanilla and he is into rough, you should try to find someone else.
Pee on him and see how he reacts
Or better still 69 with him a fart in his face and then tell him you saw it on the internet and the guy really enjoyed it
>So when I’m reluctant to do these kind of things he gets really upset
You see, here is the real problem. It’s not that he wants to try weird sex, or that he gets ideas about weird sex from porn. It’s that he doesn’t internalize the fact that his lover does not share those desires.
Mismatches in sexual desire are almost inevitable, but they become very intractable when one partner does not grasp that it is in fact a problem.
You gotta talk to him and make him understand that you are not a “prude”, you are not “repressed”, but there are some things that you just do not enjoy.
If he can understand that, then the two of you might be able to find some compromise you are both comfortable with. (Off topic, but train-sex is *awesome*.)
If he cannot understand that, well, that’s the end of it.