Please allow me to explain myself:
Lately I’ve been talking with a few men from the same friendgroup who all know the story behind a pretty toxic past relationship between a man and a woman, both also members of said group. The thing is, even if the girl was quite a bad girlfriend -he’s in therapy- and all the friends acknowledge it, they still are friends with her bc “besides from that, she’s nice”.
So, I’d like to know if this is a common thing in the male community and, if so, how do you guys reach that point.
(*) Since I’m talking from the perspective of a woman, we have this “girl code” that goes “if you hurt my friend, you also hurt me”.
Thank you!
10 comments
I would never be friends with people like that. Pass.
It’s possible the rest of the guys are orbiters trying to get a shot with her. Some guys are that desperate and/or stupid.
It could be one of two scenarios.
Scenario 1 – As they were friends with both the guy and the girl, they decided to remain neutral and take neither side in the split. This way, they can remain friends with both.
Scenario 2 – They want to fuck her.
>The thing is, even if the girl was quite a bad girlfriend -he’s in therapy- and all the friends acknowledge it, they still are friends with her bc “besides from that, she’s nice”.
So um, if someone’s ex is causing them to go to therapy… I don’t know that ex anymore. She’s gone from my social circles and I’d focus on my friend. I also know my other friends would be in lockstep with that mindset
But hearing the quote from those other guys. As someone has said, I don’t really think I’d consider his male friends to have a close bond. The reason being, that type of language that you shared with that quote, for sure implies that someone in the group is trying to smash her and is keeping up appearances to shoot their shot.
On top of that, if there isn’t a unified “this girl’s gotta go” POV from the group, I don’t see myself choosing to stay friends with them for long.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t like I’m saying that the men in the group have to be a clique and demonize this person immediately. I understand two sides to a story, hearing both perspectives etc. But… having one of them go to THERAPY is probably a time where the line is the sand should be drawn.
And the only two reasons I see that not happening is, either this friend group isn’t really a friend group, just people going out together. Or it’s that this girl is apparently a commodity, so much so that the other friends are willing to have their mask off moment and defend her to try to get into her pants… WHILE THE OTHER PERSON IS GOING TO THERAPY FOR HER HOLY CRAP
They’re hoping for their turns. They are friends like vultures.
If she’s an actual core member of the crew then she’s in the crew. Guys aren’t necessarily going to band together in some kind of “guy code” to automatically defend the boyfriend here. I think most friend groups would probably low-key freeze her out for a bit but ultimately I think it’d be reasonably common for them to let her back in: she didn’t directly wrong any of them and guy friend groups tend to try really hard to look past ‘relationship drama’ and just deal with the people involved as contributors to the group.
Maybe it’s uncommon but it’s certainly a way some groups would handle this sort of thing. I usually wouldn’t have bothered chiming in with this but nobody else was really saying this.
They wanna fuck her.
She’s either fucking them or they’re her orbiters.
They’re the kind of friends who would likely try to sleep with your girlfriend when you’re not around.
I had a girlfriend who cheated on me, lied to me and just started to be a shitty human being. None of my friends spoke to her ever again and over half of her friends dropped her and became friends with me. Those are the kind of people to surround yourself with
The guy code is just as sacrosacnt as the girl code.