My partner has never made me orgasm, and that’s fine. I hear all the time in this sub that we’re all responsible for our own orgasms.
He doesn’t give me oral (he doesn’t like giving) but he does finger me during sex, unfortunately thats not enough for me to orgasm during sex. He’s usually way too rough and fast on my clit (regardless of my directions) so I don’t ask him to make me orgasm this way. We sometimes incorporate my vibrator into sex but I don’t orgasm from that because the foreplay is lacklustre and doesn’t last long and penetration doesn’t last long either, maybe five minutes. I’ve asked about extending the length of time we spend on both of those things but he’s been struggling with that.
I thought about it and I’m pretty tired of giving all the time and never receiving. Would it be rude if after we had sex and he started getting dressed, that I pull out my vibrator and just go to town on myself?
Would it be rude to ask him to leave me alone to do it? We tried using the vibrator on me after sex once but it was just me holding it while he kissed me, it was distracting and too hard to cum (didn’t end up getting there) when all I could focus on was his open mouth kisses. Any advice here?
41 comments
I had this problem with an ex of mine. It’s not rude, especially if you aren’t mean about it such as “well YOU couldn’t do it so I have to”. Just explain to him that you want to get off too and that there is nothing wrong with that. If he gets upset about it then that’s on him. I get we are responsible for our own orgasms but if bro isn’t going to put in the time and effort…well he doesn’t really have a say. I just told my ex the truth and he understood, even started trying a little more. I hope this helps! ❤️
No it’s not rude he should encourage your orgasm ‘!!!
I feel as long as you both are communicating clearly there should be no problem with you using a vibrator after sex if you feel the urge to. The woman I’m dating now is the first one in 28 years who prefers penetration over other means but she has taught me how important foreplay and taking your time can really enhance both of your experiences……she is always rushing me to get inside her and I have brought up several times about wanting us to work on really getting to know eachothers kink’s and turn ons to extend the whole process and were slowly but confidently getting even better!
I personally DONT think we’re all responsible for our own orgasms lol I think it should be your duty as a partner to figure out how your partner orgasms, and achieve that for them. I’ve always made it mandatory for me, and my partners have always sung my praises for doing it, and ask why more guys don’t do that. He should be studying you and figuring out what gets you off. It’s only fair if you’re making him finish. And if he won’t do that, you’re totally in the right to use your vibe. Maybe ask him if you can include it in sex next time? Maybe you’ll be able to finish during the act then
Your partner sounds fucking awful, frankly. I assume that they have other redeeming qualities, but like, assuming you’re young and able bodied and you aren’t totally entangled with this person, why bother staying? There are plenty of people out there who will actually give a shit about you in the bedroom, who will actually learn your body’s cues, who will eat you out like their life depended on it.
I don’t mean to disparage anybody’s relationship. I just think life is too short to put up with people who don’t care about you and your pleasure. And this dude clearly doesn’t give a single fuck.
It’s not rude at all and you should definitely confront him and let him know in a way that his feelings won’t get hurt or like he’s not needed
What are you afraid he will feel bad about? That you need a vibrator to orgasm? That is nothing to feel bad about.
Or is it that he’s *never* made you orgasm… That he can’t take direction… That he’s “struggling” with your request to extend foreplay… And that you always give and *never* receive? Those things are not so fine.
Stop worrying about etiquette in this scenario. Get your needs met. If it’s not with him, it’s with a vibrator. If he has a problem with that, maybe it should be without him entirely.
Probably just as rude as not making you cum….so go for it!
Could you use it together before?
It’s not rude to take care of yourself. The fact that he doesn’t make any effort to make sex pleasurable for you and you are worried about if it’s okay to pleasure yourself really concerns me. Sex is for your pleasure too! Sex isn’t just for him and you don’t need his permission to use your vibe.
Refusing to have sex with him till he decides to prioritize your pleasure is also an option.
And no masturbating after sex isn’t rude. A male partner that isn’t doing everything he can to please you is rude.
You can literally grab his hands and show him how soft of stimulation you want. If he refuses to comply. Limit his access
Male here. If he doesn’t get you off, you go to town if he want to help kudos but if bothering you tell him to leave.
Many times my partner and I get out of sync with our orgasms. I last too long so she will get many but I can not fully control when I finish so sometimes I leave my partner high where she is on the edge but frustrated so she needs her final release. Most of the time I help her but some time I am just too spent to be able to. She will reach for a toy and go to town. If I am spent I try to help by kissing her or massaging her breast (something she likes).
Not at all. Ignoring most of what you wrote because you know why you are together…
There are times for whatever reasons my GF just doesn’t get there. I offer to help her while she uses her wand, providing some helpful fingers.
You might try using a clit vibe during sex. That would probably help assuming you can figure out there situation and introduce it.
No
There are plenty of good lovers out there. Don’t settle for less
No
I don’t think it’s rude at all to masturbate after sex if you can’t get there yourself and all sexual activities between you two have ended. Typically, with my partners, we have sex multiple times in one session so I usually leave satisfied without it, but if it’s one quicky, I do masturbate to finish myself off. Nothing at all wrong with that.
As for the practical advice, probably him kissing you while you do it is a bit out there. If he wants to be included he can like, cuddle you and hold it himself. Otherwise, here is something to say: **IF HE IS AGAINST YOU FINISHING YOURSELF OFF AFTER SEX THEN HE IS NOT WORTH KEEPING AROUND. NO IFS OR BUTS.**
Geez, so many women asking permission to cum when their partner is unable or unwilling to make it happen. Of course it isn’t rude.
Do you think you could reach orgasm with him in the room just watching you? That might allow him to feel as included as possible, if you let him know that you can’t focus if you’re feeling held or kissed. (This assumes that he can hold to the terms of such an agreement, which doesn’t seem like a certainty given some of your observations.)
EDIT: even if alone in the room with your vibrator is the only way, so be it. His potential discomfort at the idea does not mean you have to live in a state of perpetual sexual frustration.
If you are with someone who isn’t meeting your needs and considers it rude for you to do it yourself. Then you’re with a douche. You do you.
It’s rude your partner doesn’t offer to do what he can to make you cum!
Can you use it during sex? Obviously by all means use it after as well if you need to. But a lot of women really enjoy penis+vibrator.
No
“Responsible for our own orgasms” is the most ridiculous shit I’ve read on here. Outside of intimacy and emotional connection isn’t that the whole point of being with someone else? If making your partner orgasm isn’t your priority you’re a selfish shitty lover.
Ugh I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and this whole time he’s gone down on me a total of maybe 5 times… he also said he doesn’t like it but always wants me to give him a bj or jack him off lol I don’t think it’s bad that you use your vibrator. You deserve to cum and you’re entitled to make yourself if he doesn’t. Take care of yourself!
Nope not rude, I ask if she needs help.
He should try to get better at satisfying you but in the mean time I don’t see anything wrong with getting yourself off. If you’re open to it, you should let him watch. Maybe try to verbalize what you are doing, why you are doing it, or what you’re thinking about while you do it. Give him a little window into your solo sex routine. He might learn a thing or two and become a better lover. Maybe let him start to participate after a while.
it continues to amaze me what women put up with. doesn’t like giving u oral.? speechless
I would suggest that you inform him of what you are going to do. Ask him to kiss and caress you as you do it. Play with your breasts or skin… However you want it
I disagree with the whole “everyone is responsible for their own orgasm”. Like you said, you feel like your always giving and never receiving, that’s a red flag imo. The fact he isn’t more invested in how sex feels for you is not great
Why are you with someone who obviously dosen’t care about your needs
If he is going to change nothing and take zero of your recommendations, the man does not care if you have an orgasm.
You do you – if he has a problem with you using your vib after sex, then I’d guess he has some insecurities about his sexual performance. NOT rude at all. Honestly it’s rude of him to blatantly not care if he’s appropriately taking care of you.
Definitely not rude at all! I ask my fella to lay beside me and kiss or touch me or say things or I just ask him to go in the bathroom and I’ll call him out when I’m done. Healthy sex life for both of us! And communication is super important.
Nope. It’s all good. For me it would be a turn on
I’m always so amazed at how many people have these topics on Reddit. I have a hard time believing it’s this many people not being satisfied during sex. And most of the stories it’s some selfish dude. My answer is leave. Unless he’s absolutely perfect at everything BUT sex. Leave!!!! It’s no reason to spend the rest of your life with a void like good or great sex. If you properly communicate your needs, and they aren’t being met, then it’s no regrets when you walk out the door.
Uhhhh consider breaking up? Or at least have a “yo, buddy, we need to fix this” talk.
Why not use a vibrator during sex with him? Everybody wins.
Sex ain’t over until everyone cums
I feel ya. I’ve been married for 15 years. I am on my 3rd pregnancy and have only been able to orgasm from sex 2x in the last 5 months. This pregnancy has been horrid. My hubby used to eat it every single day the 1st year we were together. I haven’t gotten oral in over 6 months. So a toy it is.
I don’t understand the man’s POV, I would do anything to please my partner. In all honesty, I hope mine does feel bad sometimes that I have to get myself off. I’ve tried telling mine let’s try longer than 5 minutes of foreplay, he says ok but never follows suit.
You’re partner gets up and gets dressed after he finishes? This sounds more like a friend’s with benefits situation but without the benefits. I’m confused why you’re doing this at all with him.
He sounds like a childish pos
Not rude if it is the best way for you to orgasm. Each relationship is different but I would require him to make me orgasm however he has to do it. Should be his mount if his cock can’t