I go out of my way to be thoughtful and sweet to people , but it feels like it goes unnoticed or not reciprocated. Do people think if you’re nice they don’t have to try with you?

5 comments

  1. Yes. Is the short answer. But I don’t think it’s always intentional.
    I am the same, the only thing is that I don’t do it so that people notice that I’m nice/ thoughtful. I do it because for large periods of my earlier life did notice when people were not thoughtful or nice, so it kind of triggered a ‘be nicest you can be because whilst it costs me nothing to be that, to someone else it can mean the world to them’. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not some weird altruistic mother Theresa type – I just am acutely aware of how it feels to not have that. So if I can make one person feel like they are cared about, that’s where I get my reward. I really don’t care if it’s reciprocated or not, just that someone feels better about themselves/ their situation/ their day and knowing I was able to help with that is enough for me because the world can be a pretty horrible place, so even the smallest act of kindness can make the hugest difference to someone. Try to focus on the difference that you know you make, rather than whether they notice it or reciprocate. The world needs more people like that x

  2. Yes. People can think you’re a push over and have no boundaries. If it’s not being reciprocated, drop back to just being polite.

  3. Cover contract: the act of doing something while expecting silently that the other party will reciprocate.

    Some people don’t care about reciprocating, some don’t notice your gesture, some will notice and dislike it….

    I think it’s best to avoid doing covert contracts and expect nothing back when giving.

  4. Be careful EXPECTING “you” from others. Meaning…just because you are nice, and you are kind, and you give people attention – doesn’t mean they now owe you the same in return. Maybe they don’t feel like you are a good match, or maybe they don’t want to talk or be friends with you, maybe they are busy andnhave other priorities – whatever the case, you only hurt yourself expecting people to do what you do

  5. If you’re going out of your way to be nice to someone and you’re not getting any respect or benefits from them in return, don’t bother. Continue and they’ll start to exploit you for their own gain.

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