IM WASTING MY COLLEGE YEARS!!!! PLEASE HELP!

35 comments

1. Therapy helps

2. >always prefer to stay in my comfort zone

   Get out of it even if its comfortable. If you can go to a dorm do it. It will be difficult in the beginning but it will help you a lot.

   > Is it weird that I’m 21 y/o guy and only feel comfortable talking to family members

   yes it is a little bit weird but you can change it. Try to go out and talk to others.

   >Am I ugly?

   No, you are not. Beauty is subjective.

3. i think since you’re spending lot of times watching videos on YouTube, i think it’ll be a good idea to watch self-help or social skills type of videos instead. Videos from channels like [The Art of Improvement](https://youtube.com/c/TheArtofImprovement) helps 🙂

4. Maybe instead of watching YouTube, go out in public and just people watch sometimes. That is a comical thing to do plus you can learn something about other humans and maybe even yourself that could help you socially. Good luck! From someone who can relate to your loneliness 😁 Ps. You’re only 21, plenty of time to improve on social skills and meet that special someone. Now if you were 31, you might need some divine intervention lol.

5. Maybe instead of watching YouTube, go out in public and just people watch sometimes. That is a comical thing to do plus you can learn something about other humans and maybe even yourself that could help you socially. Good luck! From someone who can relate to your loneliness 😁 Ps. You’re only 21, plenty of time to improve on social skills and meet that special someone. Now if you were 31, you might need some divine intervention lol.

6. Hey man!

   I was in about the same situation as you are 2 years ago. The first step is recognition, so good job.

   I want you to go on youtube and search up Hamza. Sort his vids by most popular. Watch the ones which seem important to you or interesting and you’ll get the point.

   I could write a whole guide on how to get out of this situition but I cba so if you have any specific question you can ask me.

   Just know that there is hope and you can change yourself.

7. Same here but hey there’s 40 year old Virgin

8. STOP WATCHING YOUTUBE! There is a life outside your door, get a dog. Bring dog to park, meet a girl. YOLO😊 I belive in you! Are you depressed, talk to your doctor..

9. Join some groups and socialize. You need to practice until you are comfortable. Expect it to not go well in the beginning. Social skills are more important than how you look when it comes to how you relate to people. Looks may get your foot in the door. Social skills will keep it opened to you.

10. DUDE don’t be said I’m little bit like yours i also don’t have a friend i have but half of are fake Freinds and I’m also virgin
    I’m also in 3 year by the way in college
    I watch to much tv show and yt and eat and study and sleep
    I mean being like this is not Wrong we are happy what we are doing in our life it’s goes on and a right time comes when peoples understand you and you get good partner in life
    Life is all about patience .

11. Don’t worry about dating but pick up some hobbies and interests you like. Join student orgs for them (if they exist). It’s harder to get to know people if you don’t live on campus, but you can get around that.

    Also, you don’t have to do something if you’re uncomfortable with it or don’t like it. It’sgood to try new things, though. For me, I can’t keep any amount of alcohol down. I also get overstimulated at bars. So do I go to bars and clubs? Nope, because it’s not fun. Did I try drinking and going to bars/clubs? Yep!

    You should still be able to have a fun senior year, but focus less on “i want friends” and “i want a girlfriend” and more on looking for opportunities to do activities around campus. You will interact with people, and when you find yourself consistently interacting with people and having a good time with them, that is when you’re making friends.

    I hope this helps and made sense. Good luck with your senior year!

12. What’s wrong with being a virgin?

13. Get out of your comfort zone. I’m a mid twenties female and I’ve recently started forcing myself to be more social and make eye contact. I’m taking baby steps but it’s working!

14. At 21 you are not screwed for life. You are barely an adult. Get out of your room. Go somewhere that has things you like to do, even if it’s just the library or hobby store. Go to trivia night at a bar. Sing badly at karaoke. Volunteer at a food bank.
    While you are there , talk to to people- it doesn’t even have to be people you want to date.

    Nothing will change as long as you keep doing the same thing.

15. Omg same. Idk at this point. I’ve just accepted the state of things

16. Not to be bold but if you only stay in your comfort zone you’re going to get no where

17. I was a virgin until I was 24, a 34F got me caught up, we got married, had a baby.

18. Nothing wrong with being a virgin, I’m 23 and still a virgin. I use to feel shame for this, but honestly I just am a very private person and it never felt right. I have been in bed with girls who wanted to have sex and I left. I am in what seems like a minority as far as this mindset goes but I don’t care. I will make out with girls and everything but I am not gonna have sex with her until I know I wanna spend my life with her. It’s not a religious thing, I’m not strict about not having sex before marriage or anything. I think sex should be a bonus not the goal. Unless you want short term(which I don’t).

    As far as everything else… I would exercise. Exercise has improved my life in many ways. Start with walking or running. At your age, I recommend running…get the heart rate up, release endorphins. But start with walking if you need to, no shame, I love going for walks. If you like YouTube…look up the mental benefits of exercise. Society makes exercise out to be a physical appearance thing…this should just be a bonus. I exercise for the mental benefits first.

    Also stop masturbating and watching porn. This changed my life also. Look up YouTube videos on the negative effects of this. Look up NoFap, look up FightTheNewDrug. This will give you the boost of energy that you need to get out of your comfort zone(along with the exercise).

    As far if you’re ugly…you probably aren’t. But even if you are, the right girl will find you attractive. Some of the most attractive things are the imperfections(something that the internet doesn’t understand).

    If you already exercise and you already refrain from masturbation and porn, then discard my advice.

    Also never lose hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

19. Man! Fourth year of uni? Virgin? No friends! OMG! /s

    Now jokes aside. I remember how it used to be. I had friends, but I was not assertive for the reason of being scared that my friends will abandon me, so I kept my mouth shut and suffered salty jokes, and many things that did break my boundaries. Eventually I gained resentment and cut ties with most friends, rejecting the idea that there can be “sincere” and honest friendship, thinking that there is a problem in them. But in fact, it was a “me” problem, because I didn’t set boundaries and people did what they thought it’s okay.

    Soo, It’s not about ugliness, not about anything else, but your social intelligence. Many people who studied a lot, neglected social part of their life (that’s where inspiration of nerd jokes in lame comedy movies came from).

    Practice and knowledge is the only way. Learn, study and practice social interaction, and eventually you will get better.

    And very importantly ask yourself, what kind and how much interaction and how many people YOU need in your life. I am telling you this because you said that you are “wasting” your college years. I am assuming that you said that because you compared yourself with other people, that eventually got you to thinking that you are less worth as a person because of your lifestyle and looks. You are not. Your self worth is determined within yourself. I am assuming things based on my experience, so pardon me if I am wrong, but the path to better yourself is the same.

20. 1. Saying a friend is a “loser like you” and “doesn’t count” is incredibly disrespectful to them. The popularity status of someone shouldn’t matter and friendship should be about how you enjoy spending time with them. I’m going to assume that this is more of a poor wording and that you really mean that he isn’t necessarily a good resource to introduce you to other friends.

    2. I would put friends before virginity. Focusing on sex will never do any good in getting sex. Friends will matter most, and eventually they can potentially introduce you to potential dates.

    3. The big thing that comes to my mind is activities to be involved in. Are you involved in anything outside of classes? If not, is there anything you’d be vaguely interested in? Even if you try doing stuff outside of the school, that can be a good resource.

    4. The biggest issues are usually finding the first questions to talk to people. “What’s your name” (or “sorry, could you remind me what your name is? I’m terrible with names”) “what’s your major?” “What sort of things do you like to do for fun?” “Where did you grow up?” And any good follow up that establishes something similar between both of you is always a good approach.

    5. The last thing to note of course is dating apps might be helpful here. Not necessarily for finding a gf but just for practice socializing and being friendly to folks.

21. It’s ok bro. But you gotta go outside. Start small at the library or commons area. Or sit at a bar. You don’t even have to interact.

22. It’s not unusual for people to struggle with social interactions, especially since all the pandemic business. There are small steps you can take to get better at socializing and make friends.

    What’s weird is that you keep bringing forth being a virgin at 21 as a part of the equation here.

23. Go dig up some info on your school, and join a school club. You don’t have to be an expert, just have an interest. They also sometimes have casual sports leagues, or clubs you can join.

    Another option is to look out for school parties or events (Flyers will be posted). They are noisy and outside your comfort zone, but it’s sometimes a great way to meet new people. You can also try going to one of your College sports games.

    You could also buy a D&D book and learn the rules. Then poke around your school’s game club and ask if anyone is hosting a D&D game. D&D is a great way to practice social skills, in a fun setting.

    Once you are getting a bit of social interaction it will be easier to meet people. Don’t worry about being new, everyone is new at college. Also, don’t worry about being “cool” or “not cool” Just be yourself, and try and get to know people.

    Some of the best times I’ve had have been in a small group of 2-3 new friends, chilling at a larger party.

24. Try volunteering. Find a place you can regularly go to volunteer. It’s usually a good way to meet likeminded people and it is no commitment if you hate it. You can simply do something else.

25. This is what I did to become better at striking up conversations with random people. I used to just wait for people to talk to me and realized it wasn’t very effective or efficient. Being at uni, it’s the perfect time to practice because you will have many moments every single day where you’re walking by lots of different people.

    1) When you’re walking to and from class, keep your head up, don’t look at the ground. Smile at EVERYONE you make eye contact with. Don’t feel like there’s any pressure in trying to make friends right then and there. Just smile and keep walking. It might seem hard at first, but after dozens and dozens of smiles, it’ll become second nature. Don’t worry about the people who don’t smile back. There will be way more people who do smile back at you.

    2) Once you’re good at smiling at random people you’re ready for the next step. Smile and say a quick cheerful greeting, like, “Hey,” or “Good morning”. Don’t worry about making conversation at this point. Say “hey” and keep on walking to your destination. Just keep practicing until it’s really easy for you to say “hi” to random people.

    3) Now that you’re good at saying “hi” to random strangers, practice giving out compliments. Don’t compliment anyone’s body or anything they don’t have any control over – i.e., saying “Nice tits!” or “Your eyes are beautiful” are a no-no. Instead, focus on complimenting things like their outfit, hairstyle, makeup, things that they have control over. “Cool shades” “Sick jacket” “Love your Dragon Ball Z shirt — I’m a big fan, too!”, that type of thing.

    4) Giving out compliments is a good exercise because it trains you to notice things about people. Once you’re comfortable with giving out a compliment, you can try to extend the conversation a bit. I’m someone who is very curious and loves to ask open ended questions. People generally enjoy talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage! “That’s a really cool dog! What breed is she? I’ve been wanting to learn more about different dog breeds… how did you end up choosing this one?” “Nice shirt! Is Captain America your favorite MCU superhero?” etc. Don’t worry about staying in touch or sealing the deal and becoming best friends at this point. Right now, it sounds like you just need practice with talking to and connecting with people. The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become. This is a skill that can be learned, people aren’t just born with it. You’re only 21, you still have a whole lot of life in front of you!

    (edited formatting)

26. Living with parents at 21 is perfectly fine, dawg.

    It may not make you feel totally better but I’m in a similar boat as you, in my 4th year of college, no strong irl friendships, virgin (rip), only dated once in high school, it definitely fuckin sucks.

    BUT, sooooo many college kids dont make friends in college, they dont date or fuck anyone, dont party, and they move on to graduate. Tv college isn’t reality. Most people are just focused on passing classes.

    Basically, just know that you are 100% not alone in this college experience. It’s mostly normal, lonely as hell, but normal.

    Moving into a dorm would definitely help you interact with others regularly, but joining some clubs would help too. It sounds like you have pretty bad social anxiety(same), so i understand these things are really really hard. The only way to meet people is to be around them though. At least if you join some clubs, you’ll be around people who share your interests, which will make it easier to talk to them.

    I don’t know about the ugly part, but that isn’t necessarily an indicator of whether or not you can make friends or date. Plenty of “below average” people are surrounded by friends and loved ones, and many of the sexiest people are hated and found to be disgusting because of their personality and they end up alone forever.

    Even if you cant do well socially in college, which again isn’t abnormal, you’re only 21. You have so much time left to get your social skills in order. You will have chances to meet people, online, at work, in public, etc.

    You are not screwed for life, you’ve barely even begun living it!

27. When I move to a new place, something I do is try to say yes to every opportunity until I feel comfortable. It can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable at first, but if you force yourself to do it, it is wonderful.

    When I moved to college I knew nobody. But if somebody asked for a ride to the store, or if there was a group of people hanging out in the courtyard I would try to vibe with them. And I ate in the dining room breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and tried to sit with different people sone days and the same people on others.

    Literally within a month I couldn’t keep up with how many acquaintances I had and who I wanted to invest more time into developing a stronger friendship with.

    I would also recommend trying to find some sort of campus Christian ministry. Almost every campus has them, and while there are certainly stories of negative experiences, many of the best people I’ve met were from church.

28. I’m 21 and I haven’t even started university so you’re at an advantage despite what you might think

29. Speaking from experience the only way to get better at socializing is to step out of that comfort zone. I’ve always had problems talking to people and didn’t understand how to make friends. I assumed it was because I was ugly and people just didn’t want to talk to me, but in reality because I was so awkward I gave off really cold vibes and it kinda created a force field. Now I start trying to engage more with people yesterday it was this guy with a Greece looking hairstyle and I thought why not compliment him on it. It made him smile and it started a small conversation that could’ve went on longer if it wasn’t in a checkout line lol.

    I say join a club that you like start small and just go to one meeting and introduce yourself. Talk to people in classes maybe compliment something on someone if it’s something you like. Ex: someone has some anime deco on and you also like anime start a conversation. If you like the comfort of your own room and you also like games maybe find people to play online games with but people you also meet in real life so you can hang out in person if you want. There’s so many ways to meet people and make friends you just gotta be willing to open yourself up and if you’re awkward at first just keep trying I was awkward at first too but the more you do it the easier it gets.

30. You know OP, it all comes down to your *perspective* in the end. You consider your friend a loser. You consider yourself a loser. Just tells me you need to work on yourself first.

    What are you doing to invest in yourself? To mentally or physically nurture yourself? This is definitely not something people in this group can help you become.

31. Go to therapy. If your life is not what you want it to be, get help to better align expectations with reality.

32. This is a long term solution:

    Find yourself a crossfit hour as a trial at a real crossfit gym. Look for trainers who are honest and humble. Avoid those who want to use your lack of experience to promote their own ego.

    Start making friendships there with others who exercise hard enough to care about diet and diet planning. Crossfit is hard work…

    Just start socialising with others and eventually something will happen.

    Important: Do not make sex your purpose. Make self improvement your purpose. Use the vector of socializing, through self improvement and better physique, in order to find your self on the way, a real partner. Good character and real connection makes for amazing sex. Good luck!

33. For real? Is sex the only think you worry about? Than I had say you the “loser” one not your friend. Life not only that, life mean to build your life and your own self and build a lot of communication too not just to stick in your room. Leave YouTube and everything and get outside for a bit or throw yourself to any group in your college, try to open some topic and A LOT OF things!! You will have job sooner too so there definitely will meet new people and a lot of friendship and MAYBE your future girl too so stop think negative and cry for begin virgin. You really disappointed sorry lol.

34. omg same queen

35. As someone who can sort of relate: just go for it. It’s scary as hell, but the thought of not living life might be even scarier. Also, maybe you should start by valuing those who are in your life: you did have a friend in high school, but somehow he doesn’t count? Says who? Never too late to do you