Met a really cool guy friend but he lives approx. 45 minutes away (one way). He’s came to visit me a few times and we’ve had a lot of fun but he has asked if I could come to his house some, to balance out the distance. Let me first say that it’s a 100% reasonable request, especially with gas prices being high.
But the problem is, I severely dislike driving. And I don’t want to spend all that time commuting to him. I’m okay with being long distance friends or seeing him like one or twice a year, but to drive there weekly really gives me anxiety.
I so wish I could find a local friend where I wouldn’t have to be on the road so often.
Anyways I’m looking for advice. Am I bad person if I don’t want to continue the friendship? What would you suggest I do to alter my mindset?
4 comments
45 mins is too far away??? What. I live in a remote place soo i cant relate you properly bc like I need to travel minimum 45 mins to even do anything.
But there are people that worth 1.30 hour (one way) trips and there are people who aren’t so its up to you to decide
i mean, if you’re not willing to do it, then you might not see him as potential to be a close friend. i dont think ur a bad person, especially in this economy đź’€ just try and not hurt his feelings, i’m sure he’ll understand
I think you should be honest and tell him that driving gives you anxiety. He may be totally okay with driving to you. You could also offer to help pay for gas to make it more fair.
Other than that, I think it’s up to you to decide what the relationship is worth to you. If it is simply not worth the drive, it’s not worth the drive.
Driving is one of my worst panic attack triggers, but I still managed to drive an hour (each way) 2-3 times a week to see my “long distance” boyfriend at the time, because it was worth it to see him. Don’t ask me why I never saw the HUGE red flag that he knew how bad my panic attacks were and still never drove to ME…
I guess he decided I wasn’t worth the drive, haha.
Is there a bus that you could potentially take instead? Or perhaps you could meet halfway?
45 minutes isn’t that far, but it is true that I don’t often visit my friends who live that far away. Doing a 1 and 1/2 hour round trip weekly is kind of difficult if you’ve got a lot of other stuff going on.
Would you be okay going there every 1 month, every 2 months? Something like that? I would say that it’s not realistic to keep meeting up weekly because of the distance involved, especially if you’re a busy person otherwise.