Yesterday, I used my boyfriend’s laptop while he was at work. I got curious, and looked at his favorited tabs. One of them was a blog about why the patriarchy is a good thing. There were lots of horrible posts about how women are stupid and below men as well as lots of porn photos/gifs. There were also posts about his ‘legal teen girlfriend’, with descriptions of my job and my appearance. That’s how I knew he was the one who ran the blog, and that it wasn’t just a blog he followed.
The posts about me were very degrading, saying that I was hot but extremely dumb. Things about how easy it would be able to turn me into a good submissive wife who would obey him.
I’m so disturbed now, I don’t know whether it’s a fetish/kink for him or an actual world view. But either way, he’s been talking about me online, describing my body, calling me horrible names. Most likely it’s just a kink thing, but it’s making me reevaluate my relationship. I’m wondering whether he just chose to date me because he sees me as young, stupid and easy to manipulate.
He’s asked a few times to slap me or choke me in the bedroom (something which I’m not a fan of) and now I’m starting to reevaluate that too.
I don’t know what to think.
*EDIT: Thank you to everyone who made me realise how much of a red flag he is. I broke up with him over text, because I’m too scared to see him in person right now. I’m going to completely cut contact ASAP
UPDATE: For anyone worrying, I’m safe. I got my things from his apartment, he was surprisingly civil. Hopefully I won’t see him again
36 comments
I can’t think how this could be anything but a breakup reason.
Those are indeed horrible views, you don’t share them, they’re directly related to you and to your relationship.
He’s been completely misrepresenting himself; he has to go.
RUN girl, just **run**!!!!
Not a kink he got, this is his world view. Had it been a kink, it would have been very different things he had written and posted on the blog, been in kink for nearly 30 years, not how one goes about things.
Massive red flag, run while you’re still able.
[edit] screen shot the whole blog, before he has a chance to edit it
Eww wtf what a pig, dump his ass
What are your ages? Why is he referring you as “legal teen gf?” If it was a kink why he wouldn’t share it with you?
I am a man, and I really don’t see why you are not dumping him immediately.
Be it what he really thinks or just a kink (which I’d expect if he joined a blog, not if he runs one), it’s disgusting
Assuming this post is real; OMG, this is not a red flag, this is 100 foot high flashing neon sign of “get the fuck out.”
1. He is a blatant misogynist (but intentionally hides these views…for now). This alone is a reason to RUN out the door.
2. He think very little of your brain. Again, this ALONE is reason to get of the relationship. The fact that he WANTS someone he sees as “not smart” as a partner is whole new reason to GTFO.
Each is reason to run, the two combined is reason to nuke the site from orbit….just to certain.
Screenshot that blog, make sure any nudes he has of you are deleted, and get the hell out.
When someone tells the world who they are, believe them. He has something to gain by not showing you this side of himself. If you confront him about this, chances are he will lie. Deny it. Try to gaslight you into believing that what you found wasn’t actually authored by him. I can see a million different ways of this playing out with you confronting him and ending up staying stuck in this miserable relationship for who knows how long. If you live together, you need to go stay at home, with a sibling, with a friend, etc etc. Dont give any explanation. Say you need some space. DO NOT GIVE IN. THIS COULD MEAN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. Once you’re with someone, you need to start an exit plan.
I’m terribly sorry about all of this, but you shouldn’t be reevaluating your relationship. He’s written out how he feels about you in the King’s English, and you need to believe him and find someone who appreciates you, (and just women as a whole, seriously, fuck your misogynistic cunt boyfriend.)
As a dude, I don’t know any decent guys who would remotely do this, and I don’t think this is a “kink”. Run!
This definitely sounds like a world view that informs his life choices and kinks, which you very may well be that kink. Your assumption of being young and easy to manipulate is right, and while he may love you, you can see now that he will never respect you. Confronting him may not be a good idea but only you can decide on that one. A person who has hidden something like this would likely lie about their intentions for having it.
Even if it was a kink its crossing major safe kink rules, You didn’t consent to it. He is just a major duche
Why are you still with him?
It’s more than a kink, the majority of dudes who have any type of bdsm/domination kink won’t be in a misogyny blog let alone be the owner of one. By reading one of your comments I understand that you’re 19 and he’s 27; You should leave him: abusive relationships, at any age, (but especially when you’re young) are very damaging.
Delete any photos that he has of you, take all your stuff and leave. Ghosting him completely.
Your ex* fixed that for you
He told the world that you are stupid. That you are easily manipulated into believing what he wants you to believe. That you are weak of mind and spirit, essentially. You found this fuckery and your response is to look for reasons to make it ok. Maybe it is a kink etc. What you are doing right now is proving him right. And I desperately want him to be wrong. I want you to prove him wrong. To be strong when he thinks you are weak. To be smarter when he thinks you stupid. To be better than he ever deserved. Prove him wrong, child. Prove him wrong.
Delete photos, collect compromat change his passwords, then walk and don’t accept negotiations. Block on everything. Total ghost.
He’s a predator and you are his victim. Please leave him immediately.
RUN
BLOCK
MORE RUNNING
girl. you gotta go. this man is dangerous
You’re going to remember this guy years from now and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you didn’t immediately head for the door the second you saw this stuff.
As red flags go, this is about as big, bright, and bold as you can get.
That guy is bad news, get the fuck out of there and don’t look back.
As someone who is in a age gap relationship and is kinky, all I have to say is; #RUN!!# This is not a kink, this is not healthy, this is abuse. He doesn’t respect you, but sees you as a toy and tool, he doesn’t care about YOU, he cares about control. In a SM relationship boundaries are set and clearly communicated, he went behind your back to start a blog starring your abuse! There is absolutely no consent to speak of. You are not some pig’s play thing, you are a respectable young *#woman#*, this is your life and you owe it to no one!
As a man I can give my unique perspective (sarcasm), get the fuck you out that is not normal. Make sure you have any sensitive media photos videos deleted, screen grab the blog and grab the IP and names that associate him with it and use it for leverage if he tries to not let you leave. I’m sure that this is career ending in any field for him
OP get out, but be careful. This guy definitely thinks he had a right to you, that he owns you, that you’re *his* – he is likely NOT going to take kindly to you exercising your own agency.
Doesn’t matter if he’s always been such a sweetheart, doesn’t matter if he’d never hurt a fly. He hid this part of himself from you, he is clearly capable of hiding whether he’s capable of violence too.
Tell a trusted friend or a close family member so they know to keep an eye on you.
Truly kinky people find other kinky people to consensually enjoy kink together.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When they hide who they are from those they are intimate with, well, flags don’t get any redder. Healthy people don’t include others in their kinks without consent, and they don’t sneak around. Run.
Iron Maiden said it best
Run To The Hills
Run For Your Life
That’s probably the biggest red flag that ever roamed that air.
This isn’t a kink.
Slapping and calling you names is a kink.
Running a blog where he talks about how “the patriarchy is a good thing” is not a kink. Bragging behind your back that you’re dumb is not a kink. Expressing plans to make you a “good submissive wife” is not a kink.
These are predator behaviors. He plans to abuse you. You will not be able to fix him. Please get out, for your own sake.
>I don’t know what to think
You might not be dumb but you sound hella confused. Leave ASAP, you’ve not stumbled on your BF’s link, you’ve stumbled on his true colours as an abusive POS.
This is not an age difference thing, this is not a kink thing. He’s an asshole, I’ve never seen a post on reddit before where the only reply to the OP should be run, but this one is.
He thinks you’re dumb and that he can break you into doing whatever he wants to you. Don’t waste a single minute.
Bdsm is about respect, even when it can be degrading, even when the sadist hits the masochist to tears. The difference is the receiving part enjoys this. It’s not something to tolerate. Keep it in mind for future relationships.
>I’m so disturbed now, I don’t know whether it’s a fetish/kink for him or an actual world view.
Yes you do.
>But either way, he’s been talking about me online, describing my body, calling me horrible names.
See? It’s plain as day.
>Most likely it’s just a kink thing, but it’s making me reevaluate my relationship.
You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. This is not how adults discuss fetishes.
>I’m wondering whether he just chose to date me because he sees me as young, stupid and easy to manipulate.
You’re not wondering. You know. He said it in plain English.
>He’s asked a few times to slap me or choke me in the bedroom (something which I’m not a fan of) and now I’m starting to reevaluate that too.
Well, hopefully this threads comments will see to that you two are never in the same bed again.
>I don’t know what to think.
Yes you do. You knew before you posted this.
#**RUN**
patriarchy is not a kink my friend get the hell out
#RUN!!! FAST. RUN VERY FAST because that dude is a MASSIVE RED FLAG 🚩 🚩
“Most likely it’s just a kink thing, but it’s making me reevaluate my relationship.”
Yes, reevaluate hard.
I see you’ve already broken up with him at this point, but I still want to say a few things. If you can find the blog again, do so and get print screen evidence of the blog—especially everything that he posted about you. If he posted personal information like your workplace or other private things, he could get in serious trouble for that. Might be a good idea to watch the blog after the breakup as well, there’s no telling what he may post.
Next, please try to make sure that he has completely deleted any nude photos he may have of you. I have a bad feeling about him having any, especially after the breakup. Even if you can’t get them deleted, if he decided to post them or send them out anywhere, most states have a “revenge porn” law that would give him up to $10,000 in fines and a few years in jail.
Lastly, the choke/slap thing in bed can be normal, but mixing that with the other stuff he was doing reminds me of my ex—not in a good way at all. In the end of our relationship, I figured out that my ex viewed me the same way as this guy views you. My ex also asked to choke and slap me in bed, I was fine with it at first cause I also liked it, but then it started to escalate from choking and slapping—it soon turned into him basically just abusing me in bed and excusing it/covering it up as kinky sex. Needless to say, I broke up with him and ran for the hills once I found out/realized all of that amongst other horrible things.
I’m glad you got out of the relationship while you could, cause it seems like it could’ve gotten worse. If you ever need to talk or need help with any of this, I’m always here.