The number of times I have to answer this. 🤦🏻♀️
What kind of answer are people looking for here? Simple? If I’m not having a good day, I don’t exactly want to vent to someone new I’m getting to know.
What kind of things can we say to connect with someone we are talking to or in the early stages of dating instead?
34 comments
I answer by talking about something interesting that happened, preferably something positive. And then I return the question.
Honestly it’s a lazy thing to say to continue a conversation. It’s like something hr would ask when you go into talk to them.
But in reality there’s a shitload of super nice people out there who struggle with conversation early on in dating, even more so through text.
Give them the benefit of the doubt if you can. If you can’t don’t feel too bad about it either, that’s just one of your dealbreakers i guess, doesn’t make it right or wrong, it just is.
Honestly I’d just answer it and move onto something you can bounce a conversation off of whether its a song you heard earlier or a topical news item. Doesn’t really matter.
…… I just sent this to two people 😶🫣 but I use it as a lead in to making some other plans.
Daaamn just say good and move on… hmmmm
I love hearing about people’s days. You get to see the world through their perspective, and sometimes you get to know the small things that cheer them up.
I’d say let the person know that this kind of small talk doesn’t interest you.
I’d want to know- because if you don’t have the patience and empathy to indulge in small talk early on, then that’s a red flag to me.
Venting for me is actually a good sign, it means we are actually getting close and open to each other.
I can never answer this question honestly and it’s always some kind of bs fluff; But that’s kind of the dance people have to do with each other when they’re essentially strangers.
Would you rather a match skip right to “so tell me about your core childhood wounds and trauma.”?
I also find this type of question totally draining unless I know the person well. I would like to break people of this habit.
Spread the word: In early dating, texting is for light flirting and plans to meet up. If you want to ask questions — play rapid fire by text- (beach or mountains? tv shows or movies? pizza or tacos? National Treasure – a great movie? or the greatest movie? best ice cream flavor? cats or dogs?). No more “How’s your day?”
You’re mad people are asking about your day?
Wow
It’s small talk, not a literal question.
I always respond by asking people what the weirdest thing is that happened to them that day
It’s just a normal greeting. It doesn’t have to be the topic of conversation, just a way to know when someone is on and ready to chat.
I despise this question.
So sorry you’re getting so many of these.
I think it is lazy but at the same time at least they are trying. If you are on the texting getting to know phase you are basically strangers feeling for a way to break the ice. If it is the ONLY thing they send at a set time like a schedule then ya that is a bad way of trying to rope you into a conversation (and lead it).
Guess what question you are likely to ask your wife/husband every night? This is good practice for the thousands of times you are going to answer it when you find a long term partner.
I stopped using dating apps in part because of shit like this. My answer is to just say anything, but ideally with something that seeds a conversation. These people probably got tired of making an effort to create a thoughtful first message only to be ignored most of the time. Its a tough game where if you make an effort you get worn down and if you don’t its a waste of time because, at least as a man, its very unlikely that the other person will initiate anything.
I’ve actually had a bit of luck lately being completely honest and venting, or telling them if I haven’t been feeling great, and and explaining why if they ask. It seems to get the conversation going better than just the typical pleasantries, and leads to deeper conversations early on.
I actually like this question. I give a detailed enough answer to start a conversation. Their inability to pick up and roll with that signals a lack of interest or ability to hold a conversation. Even on a bad day I can use this to highlight my personality, “rough day but semper Gumby! Tonight, I’m making a nice meal and relaxing with my new book. What about you?”
I got stood up last night on a first date.
I had asked her a few days earlier for a date at X on Y at Z:ZZ, she said sure, and I replied confirming I had gotten a reservation at that time and was looking forward to it.
I reach out a few hours prior to Z:ZZ confirming I’ll be there. I roll out looking as fresh as I possibly could, legitimately feeling good about myself.
About 10 minutes before Z:ZZ, she replies saying she “didn’t think I was serious” when I had asked, and was currently working.
Her profile said she liked “honest guys.” Yet I’m the one that got lied to, not believed, and flaked on. Literally a joke.
Worst part is it was a really nice, modern Peruvian spot (rare AND bougie) and I’m the world’s easiest free drink. I drowned my sorrows in ceviche, tamarind sours, and free dessert the waitress gave me to salve my broken heart.
Sheep and fake comes to mind, stop scamming people. Be real why you so scared
Basically just pick a topic they have on there profile… and ask them about it… or pick common topics..
I’ve done both- Asked, “How is your day?” and spent considerable time looking at the profile trying to figure out a witty, thoughtful opening line.
I’ve had no replies countless times in both cases. Online dating sucks, but what can you do?
If something jumps out at me, I’ll definitely go with it, but sometimes “How’s it going today? Been doing anything fun this summer?” is all I got.
I give an equivocally dry, mundane, superficial response unless he is initiating or provoking a better conversation.
Now is the time to dish out your life story – they were hoping for a “fine thanks, you?” but instead you spend 30 minutes going through all sorts of mundane happenings, maybe some anger and a bit of trauma too. Self pity always goes down well. They’ll probably never ask again. Win win
PS I love hearing about someone’s day, just not at the photocopier 5 minutes before a zoom meeting
I use that as an attempt at a conversation starter when the profile has nothing (absolutely nothing) to grab onto. 8/10 that conversation lasts not too long.
Everyone says to be positive. This is great advice for when you are speaking to a boss or meeting new friends, but do you really want your new love relationship to be positive all the time? Dating as motivational poster sucks. You need to be able to vent. Common dislikes are way more important than common likes.
I recommend being nice but also joking around and being a little sarcastic. Anyone can fake being nice. Not everyone can fake wit or being clever which takes intelligence. It also makes the person want to speak to you more because you’re fun.
Keep in mind I am not saying be negative. I am saying don’t be overly positive. It’s exhausting.
The people that have problems with these types of questions are the ones with little to no personality of their own and do not bring anything of substance to the conversation. I’m sure OP answers the question with “good u?”
Tell me something interesting that happened in your day. Tell me something crazy that happened. Tell me something that’s never happened to you before.
These are very basic conversation starters that you’re going to have with people throughout your life. Develop a personality and learn how to converse like a normal human being.
This is my go to! I can’t think of something creative all the time – and if someone has a problem with it they’re probably not for me I guess lol
The response I’m looking for is some little bit about your day. Maybe something that can start a conversation. Such as: “Work has been super busy but I’m doing well!” “Good I’m making dinner and relaxing” “I’m doing amazing, what about you?” I agree that you should not vent or unload your negative emotions simply because you’re first meeting and it can come off super pessimistic when you don’t even know the person.
As far as other options, I love to give compliments if I feel so inclined! I’m a woman and dudes don’t get enough compliments IMO. I love to talk about their smile or eyes – but no need to be fake, just say it if you feel it. Also you can comment on one of their photos – do they have a pet? Ask about it. Are they traveling? Ask about it. Or go for the bio. You can also ask something simple like about where they’re from, how long they’ve lived in the area, what they do for work and if they enjoy it, etc.
All that said I still like asking a general ‘how you doing today’ or ‘how is life going’ to get it going!
I used to ask that question out of habit, and then someone asked me “what did you do today?”, which is a much better question, imo. You can give a few things you did to give the person an idea of what your day consists of, and vice versa. I’ve found it leads to follow up questions and good convo. “How was your day” is too vague and inevitably leads to generic answers.
Maybe I’m autistic because when someone asks me that I just straight up tell them. And it doesn’t bother me when they ask.
It’s just an opener. Reaching out and showing general interest in order to keep someone interested or to lead into another conversation with more interest. That’s how I take it. Checking in, making sure you’re not ghosted and opening the door for conversation by showing interest in their day and how they are. I’m from the south so it’s a common question even to strangers on the street and the answer is always “fine. And you?” But no one cares. If you actually say how you’re doing you’re a psychopath. Lol. It’s more of a polite acknowledgement of the other person and that they have a whole life behind them. It’s also in an indirect way making yourself available to assist a stranger if they actually aren’t “fine”… but that’s within reason and if they are going into too much shit it’s like “oh lord, I’m so sorry to hear that. It’ll get better. Take care!!” Meaning “wtf, sucks for you but I’m out!”
I dislike being asked “how are you?”. One way I deal with it is to not answer the question directly, e.g. “I am going dancing, tonight.”, or “I can’t figure how to get my code to work.”. Maybe a similar approach would work for you.
Its just a question, answer honestly. If your work was stressful “my work was a bit stressful glad to be home” kids arent sleeping “bit tired my youngest kept me up, how about you”, its a great conversation starter and a question you ask friends and family daily.
You dont have to be a walking ball of optimism you need to be a 3D real being with hopes and dreams an heartbreak and illhealth stresses and disappointments and experience all thrown in.