My bf works at a local pizza place with two of his friends. He works 40hrs a week, they are the only ones who work there and can do whatever they want when they aren’t busy. Drink, smoke, he’s even taken his instruments and gaming systems into work with him.
I have been an on and off SAHM for our 2yr old daughter. After my most recent seasonal job ended we decided my bf would tell me when he needed help with financial stuff and then I’d go back to work. So far he has made no mention of needing help and we now have a roommate he splits the bills with, but I’m currently looking for jobs anyways, trying to avoid retail as that’s what I used to work mostly.
Well for the past couple months he has just constantly been in a foul mood. Doesn’t want to talk, glued to his phone, always having a crappy tone and questioning me on stuff as little as why the closet door was open. I don’t ask him to do anything around the house and allow him to do whatever with friends as I don’t want to add stress. If I ask what’s wrong it’s the same long shpeel about how he hates working, he hates having a job, he doesn’t want to work the rest of his life. Why couldn’t he have been born into a millionaire family? He’s claimed before if it wasn’t for my daughter and I he wouldn’t have to work.
I’ve offered to move us out to lower bills and so perhaps he didn’t feel as much pressure with us under the same roof. However this is just taken as me trying to be petty in his mind. We are still young and everyone has a right to be stressed over work especially in these times. But he is like a constant gray cloud and nothing I say or do can resolve this. He has a vacation in two days and I’ve talked to him many times about alternatives to pursue if he didn’t want a conventional job. He has talent and skills he can use but it’s clear my words go in one ear and out the other.
The constant negativity and the way he talks about how he’s a completely failure cause he’s not a millionaire by his age is exhausting. We aren’t hurting for money, I buy all of our groceries, he isn’t paying bills alone. I understand wanting money for the future, but to him the money is life or death right now.
His constant moods and the way he talks to me is unbearable, after so long just making me angry so we are both in bad moods. I just don’t know if I’m not seeing something or what, but I’m drowning in my own emotional issues, and having to emotionally regulate a 2yr old and a 24yr old of neither of which I can say no to is taking its toll and I don’t know how much more I can take. Am I missing something?
2 comments
Sounds like he needs to set up some goals. If he doesn’t want to be working all of his life now is the time to get out of his comfort zone while he is still young. There are so many options for both of you to work towards these goals…
I think you may be with a man-child. And that’s not to make fun of you, but there are a few issues that are glaringly childish.
First he thinks he wouldn’t have to work if he didn’t you and your daughter. What would he do? Who would pay for his daily bread? Seems like he expects that to be provided for him by others.
He works 40hrs a week at a pizza shop, which is exhausting. I’ve worked in fast food and been a delivery driver for a pizza shop. It can be tiring. But given that you carry out the housework and manage the bills AND he often brings his instruments and video games into work, I’m not sure I understand what else he’s expecting and how he expects or expected to be a millionaire by now given that work. And 24 is young for being a millionaire unless you’re born into it; but I guess that’s his gripe. I don’t get why he feels this is necessary for him or something he deserves; especially to the point that he’s complaining about it un-ironically.
You maintain the household and bills and offer even more support by way of offering to move to lower costs and he responds by calling you petty?
All this leads me to think that he really perceives himself as being owed comfort and money. And I do believe that working 40hrs a week in any job is stressful and tiring. And I would probably agree that he’s underpaid. But not to the point that he should be a millionaire. And it’s no one else’s job to furnish a life for him. He wants a whatever life he envisions, it’s his job to work for it.
All that said, the worst thing about this (at least to me) is that he’s making you and your daughter responsible for him not being in the place of comfort that he thinks he should be in. Granted even if it wasn’t for you and your daughter, I doubt he’d be a millionaire. But he’s treating you as if you’re just a drain on his money and resources. That’s not treating you and your daughter like a partner and a family; but as burdens. No one deserves that. It seems like he sees you and your daughter as the things holding him back from riches. That’s just not true.
Sorry to write you a book but this guy seems extremely immature and in no place to be in a serious relationship with someone, especially where there’s a kid involved. Idk if he’s the father but regardless, if y’all are living together with the kid, y’all are a patchwork family and he doesn’t seem ready for that.