Is being a “bad texter” actually a thing? Or is it just a matter of effort/caring? I understand being busy, but even when I’m busy- I make an effort to text people back in a timely manner.

36 comments

  1. I can’t speak for everyone, but there are days, even months, where I’m so overwhelmed by life or my mental health that everything that pings on my phone is too much. The thought alone of having to reply eventually is enough to create a disgust for the social part of my phone. Having some conversations that you just HAVE to reply to only make it more difficult to get rid of that disgust and reply to people in a somewhat timely manner

  2. Some people dont like and dont prioritize texting. Thats not a reflection in how they feel about you.

  3. I can’t speak for everyone but I can say this..
    I’m an excellent texter with people I’m into..
    I’m a very poor texter with people I’m not.

  4. Caring … someone would let you know their busy and will get back at a certain time of the day .

  5. I think there’s a little too much etiquette that people try to apply to texting that can make it seem overwhelming. Worrying about double or triple texting, only using it for logistic purposes, are replies too short or too long, how long a conversation can be before the subject changes, if it says “read” are they ignoring you, how quickly to respond, etc.

    They’re just text messages, there’s no rule to using them, and there should be no pressure either. I feel overwhelmed when I start thinking of all of the above, and it starts to turn into a chore.

  6. Yeah I kinda hate texting but if I want a relationship with the person then I’m gonna answer within a half a day max. At this point if you’re looking for a serious relationship I’d say follow that rule. If you really like them maybe bring it up once and if they still don’t change drop their ass ✌🏽

  7. I am actually bad at texting. I have ADHD and often leave people on read unintentionally. It’s truly not because I don’t care – I’m just so easily distracted.

  8. I’m a “bad texter” but am I a bad texter or am I just good at being in the moment and prioritizing the people I am with? If it’s urgent call me

  9. I hate texting. I don’t like there being a written record of everything I say.

  10. It is a matter of caring for me. I’m
    Not texting back if I don’t wanna

  11. I think it comes down to interest.

    If I’m interested in you, I will be texting you back ASAP and will try to make the time, step away from what I’m doing for a moment etc. If I’m not too interested in you, it’s debatable when I’d respond

  12. Personal opinion, when there’s a people I’m into I’m always texting back fast, unless I’m at work. But there’s just some people I don’t feel the spark, or like the way they text just seem like force so I leave it as it is.
    But as right now, like I read a comment, I’m going through a hard time, there days that I get so overwhelmed so I literally disconnect from my phone days, weeks, so I guess all depends on the person who you texting. But there’s never a “I’m busy”. We all make time for who we cared.

  13. I constantly lose my phone (and/or my phone is frequently dead) and I see texts and intend to reply to them but clear the notification and then forget. I prefer phone calls if it’s just to chat, small talk across apps is exhausting.

  14. Maybe 10 years ago but nowadays everyone has their phone on them and I just don’t buy the excuses like “I JUST saw this text”, “omg I’m sUcH A bAd tExTeR” stuff. It feels like a soft curve/lack of interest.

    Especially since no one will ever say something like “ehh yeah I saw and purposely ignored your text.”. If they’re into you, they’ll respond. And if you can’t even text properly in todays age then I wouldn’t think you’re a well adjusted/mature adult.

  15. If u can type, u can’t be “bad at texting.” That’s such a stupid excuse. Just say u don’t care. When ppl care, they make it happen.

    Everyone is doing exactly what they wanna do rn.

  16. There’s literally no way to answer this question, idk why ppl ask this on Reddit. Everyone is different…what I consider bad texting, someone might consider great texting. I could be putting so much effort and time into my texts and a guy might think I’m still a shitty texter and vice versa.

    I think people obviously do put more energy into what they care about in general but it’s all about how individuals perceive things.

  17. the person i live with has their phone on them literally 24/7 but will let a call ring out, ignore texts, snaps, messages, anything for hours/ days/ weeks even.
    they tell me “for someone who’s always on their phone i’m the hardest person to get a hold of” and it’s literally because they choose to be that person.

  18. Texting is a dumb way to communicate. Full stop.

    There is no intonation, limited context, overly providing context is interpreted as being too keen, something as simple as sarcasm doesn’t work, etc. It’s fuckin dumb. To boot, this means that being a “good” or “bad” texter just means “a person who has the same texting habits and expectations as me”. It’s entirely relative.

    The biggest barometer for compatibility for me related to texting is if the person I’m talking to also realizes it’s extremely limited usefulness. If they don’t get insecure because it’s been a few hours since I looked at my phone, they’re probably a mature person with an interesting life that is worth my time.

    All the machinations and advice on here about texting and interest comes from insecure, immature people with little else going on in their lives. They spend far too much time obsessing over silly stuff and you should avoid listening to them.

  19. I think if someone you’re dating isn’t texting back for days at a time it’s a worrying sign that could mean they are either too disorganised/distracted/overwhelmed by life atm to be a suitable person for you to date, or they simply aren’t that into you.

    Either way it would put me off them, it just makes the dating process too challenging

  21. I‘m genuinely a bad texter, I feel overwhelmed and stressed out a lot and I don‘t like having to feel like I need to respond right the minute someone texts me (unless it‘s important)

  22. I’m bad. I think it’s one of the reason my last relationship went sour. Though i don’t know if replying a bit late guarantees a “i endured that (abuse?)” reaction. I don’t know man. I was on a bike, i don’t feel like making a pitstop just to say i’ll reply in a bit, in traffic. Sometimes i stop at a red line, half way through a response, then the light go green and i just left it there and forgot.

    I don’t know man. she acted like i heavily mistreat her and eventually i do pitstops, or just don’t look at her message at all until i can reply.

    edit: though i friggin hate it. i don’t feel like reporting whatever i was doing as an excuse everytime. I was in traffic, i was in a game, i was doing something for 2 hours and now i’m back with full attention to you.

  24. No, it’s complete bullshit. Actions will tell you what someone really wants, all you got to do is watch them. Whenever a girl has told me this I tell her to open her messages, then go to the top message and look at the frequency between messages.

    Usually it’s a girlfriend and they will message each other 15 – 20 times in an hour. It’s at that point I tell them you’re not a bad texter, you’re just not that into me & you need to stop wasting my time.

  25. It’s a matter of caring, if they are bad at texting is because they don’t care about people and that’s a red flag.

    This is unless they have some mental health condition, then it’s up to you if you want to be with someone that acts like that.

    It’s fine to take a long time to reply in the beginning since you don’t know each other but if they take ages and things don’t improve after a couple of days then run away.

  26. seeing in person > calling > texting.
    how do i somehow owe literally anyone my attention at any given moment? texting feels completely drab to me

  27. It’s always caring. People make time for what they care about. You’re just not important enough on the totem pole

  29. The more I care about a message the longer it is going to take to write it. I doubt I’m the only one

  30. well idk about others but im into someone ,well we just met once ,he is a great communicator but im nott… i wanna make him comfortable through any means but my anxiety dont let me communicate well

  31. It is a matter of caring. Nobody, and i mean nobody, is busy enough. That’s what i believe. People just have different priorities.

  32. I genuinely believe some people aren’t “bad texters” they just don’t care. I also believe there are others who are like me who are pretty scatter brained.

    I have a habit of clearing my notifications when I see there are a few piling up. So half the time I’ll clear them before I answer and then out of sight out of mind. Sometimes I also will look at my phone while I’m in the middle of a task which I really shouldn’t do, im always checking the message in case its important but if im in the middle of something I dont respond right away but my brain never reminds me to go back and respond till much later. Im like 90% sure ive got ADHD tho

  33. I think most of it comes down to texting being a super unnatural and weird way to communicate.

  34. In my opinion it could be all of them.

    Some people are bad at texting… or let’s put it another way, they don’t live and breathe on their mobile device to be texting all day long.

    And then some people don’t care or don’t want to put in the effort to keep up communication with somebody that they’re supposed to be having interest in.

    So you as the person who’s trying to get with them, just needs to figure out which way this person is

  35. I spend all of my “social” time interacting with people in real life or at the very least calling them. I only use texting for setting up times and places to meet with people. I think a lot of people simply do not want to have full blown conversations over text.

  36. I’d look at their previous responses (or response times). If someone used to be a really ‘good’ texter but has turned ‘bad’ then that may be a sign they’re losing interest in the relationship. If someone is a ‘good’ texter when it comes to getting things they want (sex, dates, etc) but ‘bad’ when it comes to talking about your day, your feelings, etc then I’d take that as a sign they’re just using me for something.

    But if they’ve always been ‘bad’ then maybe it’s just who they are? It depends on what you want from a partner. If you want to be able to talk via text throughout the day and they don’t, then you’re not compatible.

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