Hi. I’m a 26 years old guy and since I was in child care I basically spent my life alone. During years I studied and learned how to act properly in order to appear a normal person, survive in social situations and take advantage of people. I’ve a life-guaranteed decent job and I take the right medications for my mental issues (mild psychosis and severe obsessive-compulsive disorder) but the more I grow the more I feel defective. I still don’t understand why and how do people socialize. Do people enjoy being with others? And if yes, why? Do people meet casually? Like they are in the same place and following some form of rule they became friends? And does this happen easily and frequently? I know people who can hang out one time a week and meet new people very easily, something impossible in my mind. Please explain to me, even with your personal experience. Thank you very much.
2 comments
Hmm, I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I guess I used to be an introvert. I used to need breaks from talking to too much people. But because the pandemic was so lonely I tried my best to make new friends.
After a while I realized that whenever people responded to me positively I’d feel really good. I don’t really know if I’m an introvert anymore because I spend a lot of my free time now around other people. That’s WHY I socialize.
As to how, that’s something you’ll have to learn that on your own, unfortunately. I’m still learning, still making mistakes. But because I’m trying, I’ve found a few genuine people to be around.
There’s no one-size-fits-all hard and fast rule that will guarantee you having a positive social experience, but there are some really good principles.
Learn to listen.
Try to be genuine in getting to know other people. Find things about their lives that interest you.
Don’t have a filter. Don’t enter a conversation hoping to sound funny or smart. Just genuinely be yourself and allow yourself to say the things that pop up in your mind. The type of people who share your interests and your humor will naturally gravitate towards you. And if people don’t vibe with you, then that’s okay.
Above all else, be nice to yourself. You’ve had a hard life, I could imagine. So, you shouldn’t feel like you’ve been “stunted” in any way. I find that people who live the hardest lives have some pretty amazing stories to share.
Math like algebra or whatever surprisingly helped me break through social anxiety, and also exposure therapy. Also my line of work too fire&EMS